BLOGGER MUST BE MALE!!!

UPDATE: The following post was actually written last night (Thursday) while my brain was not working. Apparently, blogger was also having brain farts last night because everytime I tried to post, I got a stupid error message. If I didn't heart y'all so very much, I might have just deleted this blog and told blogger where to stuff a big lemon..lmao. But I am back again today, smiling and giving it another try...between scrubbing my kitchen and cursing my gnome...but that is a post for tomorrow..lmao. So here is my short ramble from last night...

Okkkk my blogger fight is ongoing....I do NOT know what is wrong but blogger won't let me change to a new template that doesn't belong to them..grrrrrrrr I say!!! I want a purdyyyy blog toooooo..lol.

Anyway, my deepest apologies to those that read my last post. The colour of the font was painful to read...and I appreciate your patience....I heart ya all and I don't wanna scare anyone away..lol.


I have just spent some time playing with this template and trying to make it purdier...it isn't what I want...but it will have to do while I figure out what is wrong...it might just be that I am too stupid to do it?? ya think?? LOL.



Also, I again wanted to mention that I have re-added my favourite links. If you don't see yours there, PLEASEEEEE let me know. I had to go hunting to find all the links I lost (due to my stupidity) and I don't wanna lose anyone..cause I heart y'all just THAT much!!!


Thanks for hanging in there with all my ramblings and goof-ups..the clip below was something I found that reminded me that others are having a worse day than me..lol..

As always, to be continued............

I SCREWED UP

Sooooooooo I messed up this blog beyond all fuckkkkkk...

Yesterday, I was helping burfica change her template and got messing around with mine. I love the old flakey one but I just can't look at snow anymore...the snow outside my window is soooooo depressing..lol. Now it won't let me put on a template I like...it just gives me error messages...grrrrrrrr!!!

In the process, I managed to lose ALL my favourite links...I plan to have this problem rectified in the next day or so...but if ya don't see your link on my blog by the weekend, please give me a yell so I can get it back where it belongs...I would hate to miss anyone...I heart ya all so much...

The only other thing really going on is the continuation of our "visitors". We hadn't seen any evidence of them for a few days so we thought maybe the poison pellets had done the trick...but lo and behold today...the lil bastards were back...grrrrrrrrrrrr them.

Oh well, as determined as they are to eat, I am even more determined to kill em all...hee hee hee...

As always, to be continued................

ON THE TRAIN TO LALA LAND

I have been trying to post all day...and blogger wouldn't let me....now that I CAN post, I don't have an active brain cell needed to form a coherent thought (or spell for that matter...lol)....

Maybe it is a sign from above...because I just don't have the strength to be funny or witty or entertaining tonight...

So instead, I will just say we are all alive...gremlin #2 survived her exams...although it seems doubtful that she passed...right now just being grateful they are DONE!!!

My brain hurts...and I am a useless lump of a rock so I am off...hopefully to escape to lala land...

Sweet dreams to all..and to alllllllll a good night!!!

As always, to be continued.........

SOS: THE END OF THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL

Welcome everyone to another rendition of Soap Opera Sunday...for info about how SOS works, or to play along, visit the co-founders brillig or kate...they will get you up to speed fast....and visit here for links to other SOS stories...

Today is the final edition of "The Marriage from HELL" ....if you missed how this story unfolded here is part 1, part 2, part 3 and part 4....

When last we spoke, it was late at night and the phone had been ringing...and FH was up to no good ( as usual).....

In a daze of sleepiness, I tried to settle back down to sleep. I don’t know exactly how long I dozed but it wasn’t too long and the phone rang and startled me. I answered it before FH could get to it but there was just silence on the other end for a few seconds then the caller hung up. I thought it was a wrong number so I rolled over and again tried to sleep.

About 5 minutes later, another call and hang up. This time I decided to investigate. Apparently, the moron on the other end didn’t bother to think that I might actually have caller ID.

As I went out to ask FH if he recognized the number, the phone wrang a third time. This time it was FH 's sister B. At this point, I started to wake up enough to realize something was definitely going on. B said she needed to talk to FH but I demanded that she tell me what the hell was going on. B refused to spill the beans but said enough that I could bluff FH into confessing the truth. Of course ,in true fuckhead fashion, FH tried to lie and bullshit his way out of trouble even when he KNEW he was busted. After a few minutes of ring-around-the- true-story, I decided that I was going to find out what was going on with or without him.

First, I called back B but she wouldn’t answer her phone. My next call was to the number of the 2 hang ups. A woman answered so I started the conversation with the words "who the fuck are you and why are you calling my husband at 1 am”.

It only took a matter of minutes for the truth to come flying out of her filthy mouth!! It seems that FH had been having an affair since shortly after gremlin #1 was born. The mistress at least had the guts to be honest and tell me what FH was too much of a chicken shit to confess….

After a few colourful words, I hung up and turned my rage where it belonged....to FH. It was shortly after 1:30 am and I refused to allow him to even wait until morning to get the hell out of my home. I didn’t care if he went to this mom, his girlfriend or to hell ....as long as he left my home.

At that moment, a door shut in my heart. Although I didn’t tell him at that moment, I knew our marriage was over and that I could NEVER forgive him again….I was DONE!!!!! I had given everything I had and more…..I had stayed in a loveless marriage a lot longer than I should have . He was the one that had ultimately betrayed our life together and the vows we had taken. For the two years we were married, I told myself that I had to give everything I had to the marriage and as bad as it got I never ONCE thought about being unfaithful…that is the difference between him and me..he would always make the messes and I would be the one left behind to pick up the pieces. The idea of starting over again alone as a single mother scared me but not enough to even consider forgiving him.

The next morning he came back begging for forgiveness and expecting me to take him back...and actually seemed shocked when I told him to go fuck a duck and hit the road...but I remained firm and determined that our marriage had hit the end of the road.

When I look back at that time in my life, I realize what a gift gremlin #2 was. I was so upset when I found out I was pregnant but really, he saved my life. If he hadn’t come along, I might have stayed longer in a loveless marriage…maybe even forever.

FH's affair gave me the strength to get out….to escape the marriage from hell. I didn’t know when I got that call from the doctor what a different path my life was about to take…but I thank God for saving us.

With this, I began down the road as a single mother for almost 8 years. Without a doubt it was the hardest thing I have ever done but it was better than the alternative of staying. I have never regretted the end of my marriage for one moment…..being alone made me stronger and taught me that I can survive just about anything…

It also prepared me for what was about to come next in my life. My marriage changed me in so many negative ways that it has taken years to undo the damage. It would be a long, lonely life for many years. But the path that I had taken those first few steps down has been more than worth it.

As I think I mentioned at the beginning of part 1, I didn't intend for this story to be as long as it was. I sat down one Sunday afternoon with a pen and paper to write a small SOS entry...but the words seemed to just flow out of me. I sat there for hours writing and reliving that time in my life. I guess it was something that I needed to tell...and the words flew across the page and took on a life of their own.

Thank you for taking the time to read it...writing all this down somehow made me feel like I was letting it go...or at least, I was reminded of how far I have come.......

Thanks again ....

As always, to be continued...........

ALL "STRESSED" UP AND NO PLACE TO GO

Forgive my lack of words over the last few days....but we, my dear blogger friends, are in "END OF TERM" HELL....

If the lack of sleep of sleep due to our visitors wasn't enough....we have reached the end of semester in school so gremlin #2 has to write exams. Thank GOD she only has to write 2 out of her 4 classes or I think I might have a nervous breakdown.

Now this is a necessary pitfall of highschool because we all know teachers have to find one final way of torturing these teenage gremlins and monsters for their attitude and bad manners before they send them out into the world....or at least to the next semester with a new batch of teachers to harrass and send to the nuthouse..lmao.

The problem we are having here is that this particular ritual is overly stressful for a gremlin that has a learning disability. The older #2 gets, the harder it all gets and honestly tonight I feel like someone squeezed my head in a vice then pissed all over me for a cheap laugh.

Honestly, as I sit here typing I am so drained and discouraged after spending all day trying to help her study, I have tears streaming down my face. I wasn't going to post but my fingers seem to have a mind of their own as I type.....

It isn't really the exams that are the problem...it is knowing that no matter how much I want for her...how much love I have for her...the same thing always happens...she either barely scrapes by or in most cases, she fails ...and knowing this just breaks my heart.

I have always told both of my gremlins....to me, it doesn't matter what mark they get on any test, as long as they have done their best. To me, working hard and giving it all you have got is more important that what grade you get...but still, at these times, my heart aches so much for both of them.

It isn't about the passing or failing....because I love them completely and unconditionally no matter what...

But that love makes me want the world and more for both of them.....and it is times like this that make me feel like such a total failure.....I am the one who made the bad choices...to settle for less in a marriage that was doomed before it began...but now they spend their lives paying for my bad decisions............

Believe me, I know it could be SO much worse...I honestly do remind myself of that often....but I am the momma bear...I wanna grab them and hide them in my cave and not let the world hurt them...

These exams will come and go, as they all do...and we will deal with whatever happens, as we always do...and I will continue to worry about what the future holds for them both,as I always do.....

When they were baby gremlins, I had such hope...they are both so beautiful and I thought the world would be full of possibilities for both of them...now I pray that some way, God will find a way to protect them when I am not here to do it anymore.....

Ok.......get through today, worry about tomorrow when it gets here...wish I had a dollar for everytime I have had to tell myself that...will be saying it alot over the next few days, I am thinking.....ok off to breathe a few deep breaths and blow my nose..lol

As always, to be continued...............

WHAT A MOUSE KILLER LOOKS LIKE IN WINTER

After my post from yesterday, I thought I owed y'all a bit of an explanation. My cat's name is Bootsie. She is 18 yrs old and we all love her very much. The picture I shared yesterday is what a "mouse killer" looks like in the summer. This morning I took a few pics of what the same "mouse killer" looks like during a Canadian winter.....

I think this might make you wonder....how could we have EVER gotten mice in our house???? I think we should have called her KILLER...lol

At least she is cute...right???? LOL

As always, to be continued...............

WORDLESS WEDNESDAY- MY MOUSE KILLER

As always, to be continued.............

NEEDS VS WANTS MEME

I have seen this on biddie's blog and phoenix did it too. I thought I would give it a try.

It is a meme where you list 25 things you NEED and 5 things you WANT. Not sure I will get all 25, but here it goes:

1) I need my gnome...my life would not be complete without him.
2) I need my gremlins...they drive me to madness, but they complete my heart in ways no one else ever could!!
3) I need my Mom...she is FAR from perfect but I still love her and will not allow myself to think about the day when the Lord calls her home.
4) I need to "survive today and worry about tomorrow when it comes"...this is a montra of sorts that was taught to me a long time ago, and no truer words were ever spoken.
5) I need a job that doesn't make me feel like I am the biggest loser ever born...I have never had one though..
6) I need to remember that faith is more important than fact sometimes (actually more than you might think)
7) I need to feel happy and not be so alone all the time
8) I need to keep fighting and reminding myself to take my meds....sometimes it is easier to forget.
9) I need to let stuff roll off my back more.
10) I need to yell less at the gremlins and be more patient
11) I need to find inner peace and believe in myself more.
12) I need to get out and walk more
13) I need to believe that the gremlins will overcome all their obstacles.
14) I need for my ex FH to die a slow and painful death (a shame it couldn't be at my hands...lmaooooooo)
15) I need to continue to show those that are a part of my life how very much I love them.
16) I need my online pogo and blogger friends...y'all are the greatest
17) I need to be more supportive of the gnome's bowling...even though it makes my life more difficult, he loves it.
18) I need to feel like I have accomplished something with my life when it is all said and done.
19 ) I NEED TO FIND A WAY TO KILL THESE FREAKIN MICE THAT ARE PISSING ME OFF!!!
20) I need to continue to forgive those that have hurt me so deeply in my life as I was growing up
21) I need to continue to remind my gremlins that they can trust me and talk to me about anything, even when they have screwed up and are afraid.
22) I need to inspire my gremlins to be better parents to their kids than I have been...
23) I need to know that gremlin #1 will do better than I did and NOT marry the biggest fuckhead loser to ever walk the planet .
24) I need to know that my gremlins are always safe.

and last but not least..........

25) I need my cat Bootsie...even though she is too old and lazy to kill the mice, I still love her lots...

Now for the things I want:

1) I want to live in a home where I actually have a bedroom (did I ever mention we live in a 2 bedroom house for 4 people?)
2) I want to be financially secure...so we can actually pay ALL our bills on time.
3) I want to be happy...and stress -free
4) I want a vehicle that doesn't break down every other day.
5) I want my gremlins to know only happiness and love!!!

Well there ya have it, not sure if it is dumb or not...but it is surely honest....

As always, to be continued............

CANADIAN MOUSEKETEERS

I have spent the entire day cleaning and finding mouse turds...it has been soooooo much fun....

Picture gremlin #1 this morning at about 7am...she had just come downstairs after getting dressed to make herself some breakfast...

She was still half asleep and it wasn't even fully light out yet....she reaches to turn on the kitchen light and what goes scurrying across the counter but a mouse...

Well I have to give her credit because she didn't scream...but she did run out and get me to deal with the situation...

When I got to the kitchen the little bastard was hiding behind the microwave ...as we debated how to kill him, the lil fucker started running all over the counter, hopped onto the stove then disappeared...not even sure how he made his getaway...and I am not impressed...

As the morning progressed, I found a few of his favourite hiding spots...along with a few snacks that he has been enjoying...he managed to eat half a bag of shelled peanuts that one of us had left on top of the refrigerator...lol....

At least they can't say they are starving here.....I am afraid to find out what comes next....

As always, to be continued........

SOS: THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL PART 4

Welcome all to another edition of Soap Opera Sunday.

For new comers or anyone else that might like to play, stop in to see brillig or kate for info about how to join in the fun. If you missed the beginning of "The Marriage from HELL" you can catch up with part 1, part 2 and part 3.....

After a long 10 months, in October 1994, gremlin #2 was born. My heart was so fill of love and I was so grateful for this gift from God. He was such an easy and even tempered little gremlin and I loved him so very much. He never cried, always slept well and made me smile everytime I looked at him.

After the past 2 years, I was happy that I has stuck it out. I had two beautiful gremlins to love and everything else was just my "lot in life".

I was lucky enough to give birth to a healthy baby boy (gremlin #2). I was unlucky enough to get a serious post-op infection that the doc said could have killed me (due to having a c-section). Like most moms would be, I was grateful that it was me not him that was ill but I was worried. I hadn’t planned on leaving FH alone with gremlin #1 for so long and I needed to get home to her. After almost two weeks, I still had a fever but put my foot down and signed myself out of the hospital against the advice of both doctors. I was still so sick but was so relieved to get home.

As soon as I got home, FH reverted to his old ways and things were really bad. I was still so weak . I had nurses coming to check me out daily but FH expected me to do everything myself. If I asked him to feed #1 or change #2’s diaper, FH would freak out and start screaming. It didn’t take me long to stop asking.

After a month or so, FH started to leave and would be gone for hours, then would come home with some lame excuse for his absence. I was so relieved to have him gone that most times I didn’t even call him on his shitty excuses.

On Christmas day, FH disappeared without a word. I thought maybe he had gone to see his Mom but then she called to talk to him. I told her the truth…that I had no idea nor did I give a rat’s ass where he was. I figured it was HIS choice to miss gremlin#2’s first Christmas and it was his loss. Gremlin #1 missed him when he was gone but I did my best to make a good day for her.

So became my life….I took care of my gremlins and again I either screamed at FH or ignored him……

Fast forward a few months to the beginning of May 1995….

Gremlin #1 had turned 3 years old and #2 was 6 months old. FH and I lived a life of silence with NO physical contact…not as much as a peck on the cheek.

The date was May 5, 1995. I was in bed asleep and it was approaching 1 AM. I was awoken but what I thought was FH talking to someone and I called out to ask who was there. FH assured me that I had just been dreaming and told me to go back to sleep. I rolled over and started to doze off when I could hear him mumbling again. I shouted down the hall asking him to please just shut the hell up because I was trying to get some sleep before the baby woke up…

Little did I know that I had a VERY long and sleepless night ahead of me……..

Be sure to tune in next week for the final chapter of "The Marriage from Hell"

As always, to be continued..............

RAMBLINGS AND GOINGS-ON

Well , January is half over and I am already wishing for March. Of course that might have something to do with this winter weather that is loving us up here in the "land of the snow and home of the headcold"..lol.

My brain is a not what you might call organized today, so I thought I would just tie up a few loose ends. The gremlins are trying to send me to an early grave with school work. Gremlin #1 is only about 10 days away from writing end-of-semester exams and #2's teacher is again being a TOTAL biotch ...

The e-coli that had infultrated our water supply has been taken care of (or so they say). It seems this one-horse-town has only 3 wells...and when run-off goes where it shouldn't, bad things happen.... Supposedly it has been cleared up but we are still buying bottled water just to be on the safe side for now.

A week or so ago, I received the following award. I have a couple of awards which all mean a great deal to me...but this one particularly touched me because I try to spread the love whenever possible :

In keeping with this tradition, I am passing this award along. If you already have it, I apologize. Of course, I heart y'all dearly...you are a great bunch .....

burfica - of course I love this lady dearly. I wouldn't even be blogging if it wasn't for her...and I love her a great deal. Her smart-ass-isms often make me giggle and I know that if I really needed her, she would be there, no questions asked.

phoenix - this guy is a fellow Canadian and an all around great egg. He is insightful, a talented writer...and his opinion has come to mean a great deal to me. I started reading his blog because burfica said to...and I am really glad she did!!! I heart ya buddy...

biddie - This women has had to fight so much in her life while trying to deal with some pretty strong inner demons. Yet , she always has a kind word and her words are filled with love...I am proud to call her a friend.

JJ - I just heart this gal a lot. Often I find myself reading her blog and all I wanna do is grab her and hug the stuffing out of her. She is so strong and such a loving Mom. She doesn't always believe in herself as much as her readers do, but her words are full of love...and that Fa is one lucky lil girl to have her!!!

Janet- This gal is absolutely hilarious...and again an amazing and loving Mom. I love reading her stories about her kids and she always makes me smile. I haven't been reading her that long but she made me feel welcome from the very start, and that isn't always the case in blogland.

The truth is....I love you all..and you all deserve this award. You are a wonderful bunch and I am grateful for all the support, friendship and prayers that have been sent my way.

I really do heart y'all........See y'all tomorrow for SOS

As always, to be continued..............

HYBERNATION IN CANADA

This pictures explain exactly how I have felt for the last 2 days.....

'nuff said.....lmao

As always, to be continued...............

BUTTERFLIES FOR FICA'S MOM

These butterflies are for burfica and alekx's Mom. She is flying free in a place that is filled with only love and joy!!!

Just a quick request today. If you could, please take a moment to stop by and give a quick shout out to burfica and alekx. Anyone who knows these ladies, knows that they are sisters. Today is the second anniversary of their mother's passing and I am sure it won't be an easy day for either of them. Knowing that they are being thought of today might make the day just a little bit easier.

To burfica and alekx,

Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers. Your Mom is looking down on you from a special place and I have no doubt that she is very proud of you both.

Love and prayers sent from this "flake"

As always, to be continued................

SOME BLOOPERS FOR THE "CORKY" ONE

FOR CORKY...not the best quality, but funny as all hell for any trekkie...lol









As always, to be continued.....................

NUDIST COLONY

hee hee I HAD to share this one...it just about made me choke with laughter..lmao.

A man joins a very exclusive nudist colony.

On his first day there he takes off his clothes and starts to wander around. A gorgeous petite blonde walks by and the man immediately gets an erection. The woman notices his erection, comes over to him and says, "Did you call for me?"

The man replies, "No, what do you mean?"

She says, "You must be new here. Let me explain. It's a rule here that if you get an erection, it implies you called for me"

Smiling, she leads him to the side of the swimming pool, lies down on a towel, eagerly pulls him to her and happily lets him have his way with her.

Later, the man continues to explore the colony's facilities.

He enters the sauna and as he sits down, he farts. Within minutes a huge, hairy man lumbers out of the steam room toward him, "Did you call for me?! " says the hairy man.

"No, what do you mean?" asks the newcomer.

"It's a rule that if you fart, it implies that you called for me."

The huge man easily spins him around, bends him over a bench and has his way with him.

The newcomer staggers back to the colony office where he is greeted by the smiling, naked receptionist.

"May I help you?" she asks.

The man yells, "Here's my membership card. You can have the key back and you can keep the $500 membership fee."

"But, Sir," she replies, "you've only been here for a few hours. You haven't had the chance to see all our facilities."

The man replies, "Listen lady, I'm 63 years old. I only get an erection once a month. I fart 15 times a day. I'm outta here!"

hee hee hee.......

As always, to be continued...................

FUN MONDAY..NOT A COMMON PHRASE, IT IS.

As I sat here reading and catching up on all my favourite blogs tonight, I read something neat at janet's blog. It is something she does every Monday called Fun Monday. I have read this every week and enjoyed them, so tonight I decided to join in. Every week, the host of Fun Monday poses a question and everyone that is playing answers it. The following is today's question :

" I want to hear about a web site and not just about any old web site. I want to hear about a web site that's changed your life. A web site that you can't live without. A web site whose inventor you'd like to see win a McArthur Genius Grant."

I have given this some thought...there is a site up here that has definitely affected my life in a major way...but I won't go into that now, as it will be covered in a few weeks during Soap Opera Sunday...lol.

Upon reflection, I think the site that has truly affected my life in the last number of years would be a game site called pogo. I know this probably seems like an odd choice but it is the truth.

Anyone that has played this site has more than likely come across your garden variety badge addict like me....and make no mistake, I AM THAT!!! lol

But this site has given me friendships with people that I treasure more than words could ever describe. They have loved me...supported me...and rallied around me when I needed them most.

I remember one day in particular a number of years ago. It was my birthday and I was feeling blue because I was lonely. My mom was out of town that entire month...I hadn't even met the gnome yet...and no one in my "real" life had remembered my birthday. I was feeling lonely and unloved..

A very special friend of mine (hearts) knew how low I was, even though I didn't want to talk much about it. Instead of pushing me, she invited me to play some cribbage. Shortly after I got into the table, a bunch of my other pogo friends (most of which she didn't even know) turned up at the table for a pogo "birthday party". This simple act of kindness and thoughtfulness lifted my spirits and made me feel so very loved. There are few gifts in life more valuable than that. That birthday started out with me feeling so lonely and now I think of it as one of the most special days I have had.

Another such time of support came on a very terrible day a few years ago. Long story short, the gnome collapsed at work and was rushed to hospital where he almost died from a pulmonary embolism. I was terrified...I sent out a message to a few of my pogo friends telling them what had happened and asking them to pray for us. Within 24 hours, word had gotten out and I was getting emails and pogo mail from players I didn't even know offering me words of support and prayers for the gnome. I also had pogo friends that sent along their phone numbers and a few close friends that told me to call if I needed them and they would travel to Canada to be with me. To say I was stunned by the outpouring of support I received would be an understatement, and it sustained me through some of the scariest days of my life. Thank god the gnome pulled through and is fine.

Again, I know this might seem like an odd choice....but when I think of how empty my life would be without the friends I have met and grown to love from pogo, including Burfica who got me blogging in the first place, I would not be the person I am today without these friends...

So thank you pogo...for not only giving me an addiction to badge day...but giving me friends that I will love forever...I can only hope I have touched their lives as much as they have touched my heart....

As always, to be continued.................

THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL..PART 3

Welcome folks to another edition of Soap Opera Sunday. It has been awhile but the founders of SOS brillig and kate took a break over the holidays, then of course my computer took a break from life...lol. Stop in and see brillig for SOS rules if ya wanna play. Read here for part 1 and part 2...I know it has been a long time since I started the story of "The Marriage from Hell". When last we spoke, I had just received a life altering phone call:

I remember that afternoon like it was yesterday. I was trying to get the gremlin ready for her nap but I was so relieved, I wasn’t really rushing at all….then the phone rang. As I picked it up, I saw on the caller ID that it was the doctor’s office. I assumed it was the nurse calling to tell me that once again the tests all came back negative so I said hello with a cheery tone ready to tell her that I knew I wasn’t pregnant so I would stop bothering them…..

The conversation went something like this:

Nurse: hi is this flake?

Me: Hi nurse, how are you today? I got my period today and I am so relieved. Please thank Dr S for me and tell him I couldn’t have gotten through this without him….

Nurse: ummmmm could you hang on for a moment, I think you should tell Dr S what you just told me.

**Insert puzzled silence and tapping of toes here**

Dr S : Hi there flake? Nurse tells me you got your period ?

Me : Why yes Dr S it came just today. I really appreciate all your support and I am soooooo relieved.

Dr S: Well flake, the nurse was calling to tell you that your last blood test came back positive and you are, infact , pregnant…


I was completely floored. My knees gave way and I sat down TOTALLY in shock. . I couldn’t even answer him…I was absolutely speechless.

After a few deeps breaths, the oxygen started to return to my brain but I was not ready to accept what he was telling me. My head was saying waitttttt and holdddddd it for a minute…I am confused. How can I be pregnant?? I had just told him my period started this morning??

The doctor told me to immediately head to the hospital. He said more than likely the “period” was actually spotting and I could very likely be having a miscarriage. Again, this made my head spin…but I told doc I would be there as soon as I could .

I couldn’t calm down enough to think rationally…in the span of about 3 minutes I had found out that I was pregnant and possibly miscarrying. I managed to get my Mom to watch the gremlin which was a trick in itself without letting her know what was going on…and that was something I wasn’t ready to do yet.

After a few long hours, I was sent back home. It was confirmed that I was pregnant and I was spotting. The baby was still alive but there was no guarantees that it would remain that way…and the news got even better…because it had taken so long to get a positive test result, I only had about a week or so to decide if I was going to keep the baby.

I was so confused and felt so alone. I had no one that I felt I could trust enough to offer me support WITHOUT judgement. I know it was probably selfish not to consult FH, but I knew what he would say and it would be me that would be the one taking care of another baby…still doing it all on my own…so I kept the news to myself.

As desperate as I felt, I immediately knew that for me, there was NO choice. I believe that EVERY woman has the right to choose what is right for them but deep down in my heart, I knew from the second I got that call what my choice would be. I have always believed that EVERYTHING happens for a reason, even if you don’t know what that reason is.

I hadn’t planned this pregnancy and now that I was pregnant I was scared shitless…but I also knew that this WAS my gremlin and I would love it as much as I loved gremlin #1, unconditionally and forever…NO MATTER WHAT!!!!

It took me a few days to figure out how to tell FH. When I did, he was thrilled….he didn’t bother to think about how much more difficult things were about to become but he generally WAS clueless anyway…so this wasn’t a big shocker…

The one good thing was that we managed to find a calm “truce” while I was pregnant. The pregnancy was a difficult one and on one other occasion, I almost miscarried again. The struggle to see the pregnancy to the end seemed to bring us closer together and for awhile things were peaceful. My energy was focused on doing everything I could to take care of my unborn gremlin and for once, FH was somewhat unselfish, helpful and supportive. This actually gave me hope. Maybe I misjudged him…. Maybe FH had turned the corner and was finally going to attempt to be the husband and father we needed……….

Only time would tell…but I was trying to be believe in him again.....(yeah I am shaking my head even typing that now..lol)

As always, to be continued (til next week)..................

SPREADING MY LOVE

I have spent most of the last 5 hours reading through blogs ,catching up on what I have missed over the last few weeks. Between sick computers and painful hernias I haven't logged as much blog time as I would have liked so it was nice to take a lazy Saturday night to catch up. I should mention I have been consuming some vodka coolers while I did it, which is something I never do...so anyone that got a smartass comment to a post, please accept my sincerest apologies..lol.


A few days ago, barbara awarded me the following :

I always find it such a big surprise when I receive such an award but I am always grateful and extremely touched. This blog has become my sounding board...and the blogs that I read regularly have come to mean a great deal to me. I will pass this award along in a day or two...but for tonight, this award has got me thinking of the people in my life that I try to "spread" love to as often as possible.

Of course, at the top of the list is my gremlins. These two creatures drive me crazy (and tonight have even driven me to consume alcohol). BUT there is nothing that I would not do for these same gremlins. I would give my life for either of them in a split second without even thinking about it. While I am the first one to bitch about how they drive me nuts, if someone else tries to fuck with EITHER of them ( and yes that includes the morons at school)...I am the first one to have their back and heaven help anyone that gets my "momma bear" mode going...including the gnome!!! lol

That moves nicely into the next person on my list...the gnome!!! This man has been in my life for almost 6 years...and in many ways, he saved me. He is my soulmate and while he is FAR from perfect, I would not trade him for anything and again, I would give my life if it would save him. I think the most important thing he has taught me is how to say sorry and really mean it!!! I never really knew what true love meant until I met him, and God truly blessed me when He gave me this gnome.

My mom is definitely on this list. As an incest survivor, my relationship with my Mom has not always been an easy one. For a long time, I hated her for not protecting me...and it was really hard to forgive her, but I did and I am so glad I did. She can still say the stupidest things and drive me insane but I love her so much and as an adult, we have became very close. I love her more than words could ever express. I was reading this post tonight, and it reminded me of when my mom used to go to Florida every winter for weeks at a time. Every time she left, the gremlins and I would lose it and cry for hours. This used to make my mom mad until one day I told her " you should be grateful to have someone in your life that loves you enough to cry when you leave"..we should all be so lucky!!!

My blogger buddies...you all are a great bunch...you have all come to mean a great deal to me...you make me laugh, sometimes make me cry...but more importantly, you make me think...what a special gift!! I am grateful to you all and I heart the bunch of ya...

Finally I have one special buddy, who is an online friend that I WILL meet someday I am sure. I love this woman and admire her in ways I couldn't even begin to explain. She has inspired me, supported me and kicked me in the ass when I truly needed it. She has taught me so very much about living, loving and forgiving...and has helped me mend old wounds that I had kept hidden from the world before I met her...she is truly a gift from God and I tell her that often. Love ya George!!!!!

So here I sit, counting my many blessings and drinking my vodka coolers..lol

As always, to be continued.................

I AM LURKING..LIKE A BAT

I am here....lurking...breathing...

Listening to a gnome snore the roof off....

I am alive...although I am not sure how the gremlins are still alive....

We have melting snow and e-coli in our water supply system...

Did I mention Canadian winters SUCK??? lmaoooooo

As always, to be continued.......

LETTERS OF LOVE

All I can say to this is lmaooooooooo..........

A husband wrote the following letter for his wife and left it on the dining room table:

"To My Dear Wife,
You will surely understand that I have certain needs that you, being 54 years old, can no longer satisfy.

I am very happy with you and I value you as a good wife.

Therefore, after reading this letter, I hope that you will not wrongly interpret the fact that I will be spending the evening with my 18 year old secretary at the Comfort Inn Hotel.

Please don't be upset - I shall be home before midnight."

When the man came home late that night, he found the following letter on the dining room table:

"My Dear Husband, I received your letter and thank you for your honesty about my being 54 years old.

I would like to take this opportunity to remind you that you are also 54 years old.

As you know, I am a math teacher at our local college.

I would like to inform you that while you read this, I will be at the Hotel Fiesta with Michael, one of my students, who is also the assistant tennis coach.

He is young, virile and like your secretary, is 18 years old.

As a successful businessman who has an excellent knowledge of math, you will understand that we are in the same situation, although with one small difference - 18 goes into 54 a lot more times than 54 goes into 18.

Therefore, I will not be home until sometime tomorrow."

hee hee hee.......

As always, to be continued........

DOWN AND OUT IN, NOT IN BEVERLY HILLS

I'm down and out but will be back as soon as I can. I have reinjured my hernia..in enough pain that I spent all weekend popping morphine pills...

As a result, my eyes are so blurry I can barely see to type.....

Will be back when I can breathe without crying...

I love you all and miss reading your antics....

As always, to be continued..........

DIARY OF A NUTSO CANADIAN

This must honestly be a diary from someone who moved to Canada this winter...lmaooooooooooo.......

December 8 6:00 PM. It started to snow. The first snow of the season and the wife and I took our cocktails and sat for hours by the window watching the huge soft flakes drift down from heaven. It looked like a Grandma Moses Print. So romantic we felt like newlyweds again. I love snow!

December 9 We woke to a beautiful blanket of crystal white snow covering every inch of the landscape. What a fantastic sight! Can there be a more lovely place in the whole world? Moving here was the best idea I've ever had. Shoveled for the first time in years and felt like a boy again. I did both our driveway and the sidewalks. This afternoon, the snowplow came along and covered up the sidewalks and closed in the driveway, so I got to shovel again. What a perfect life.

December 12 The sun has melted all our lovely snow. Such a disappointment. My neighbor tells me not to worry, we'll definitely have a white Christmas. No snow on Christmas would be awful! Bob says we'll have so much snow by the end of winter, that I'll never want to see snow again. I don't think that's possible. Bob is such a nice man, I'm glad he's our neighbor.

December 14 Snow lovely snow! Eight inches last night. The temperature dropped to -20. The cold makes everything sparkle so. The wind took my breath away, but I warmed up by shoveling the driveway and sidewalks. This is the life! The snowplow came back this afternoon and buried everything again. I didn't realize I would have to do quite this much shoveling, but I'll certainly get back in shape this way.

December 15 Twenty inches forecasted for today. Sold my van and bought a 4x4 Blazer. Bought snow tires for the wife's car and two extra shovels. Stocked the freezer. The wife wants a wood stove in case the electricity goes out. I think that's silly. We aren't in Alaska, after all.

December 16 Ice storm this morning. Fell on my butt on the ice in the driveway putting down salt. Hurt like heck. The wife laughed for one hour, which I think was very cruel.

December 17 Still way below freezing. Roads are too icy to go anywhere. Electricity was off for five hours. I had to pile the blankets on to stay warm. Nothing to do but stare at the wife and try not to irritate her. Guess I should've bought a wood stove, but won't admit it to her. God I hate it when she's right. I can't believe I'm freezing to death in my own living room.

December 20 Electricity's back on, but had another 14 inches of the damn stuff last night. More shoveling. Took all day. Darn snowplow came by twice. Tried to find a neighbor kid to shovel, but they said they're too busy playing hockey. I think they're lying. Called the only hardware store around to see about buying a snow blower and they're out. Might have another shipment in March. I think they're lying. Bob says I have to shovel or the city will have it done and bill me. I think he's lying.

December 22 Bob was right about a white Christmas because 13 more inches of the white crap fell today, and it's so cold it probably won't melt till August. Took me 45 minutes to get all dressed up to go out to shovel and then I had to poop. By the time I got undressed, pooped and dressed again, I was too tired to shovel. Tried to hire Bob who has a plow on his truck for the rest of the winter; but he says he's too busy. I think the jerk is lying.

December 23 Only 2 inches of snow today. And it warmed up to 0 degrees. The wife wanted me to decorate the front of the house this morning. What is she, nuts? Why didn't she tell me to do that a month ago? She says she did but I think she's lying.

December 24 6 inches. Snow packed so hard by snowplow, I broke the shovel. Thought I was having a heart attack. If I ever catch the man who drives that snowplow, I'll drag him through the snow by his nose and beat him to death with my broken shovel. I know he hides around the corner and waits for me to finish shoveling and then he comes down the street at 100 miles an hour and throws snow all over where I've just been! Tonight the wife wanted me to sing Christmas carols with her and open our presents, but I was too busy watching for the snowplow.

December 25 Merry -bleeping- Christmas! Twenty more inches of the slop tonight. Snowed in. The idea of shoveling makes my blood boil. I hate the snow! Then the snowplow driver came by asking for a donation and I hit him over the head with my shovel. The wife says I have a bad attitude. I think she's a fricking idiot. If I have to watch "It's A Wonderful Life" one more time, I'm going to stuff her into the microwave.

December 26 Still snowed in. Why the heck did I ever move here? It was all HER idea. She's really getting on my nerves.

December 27 Temperature dropped to -30 and the pipes froze. Plumber came after 14 hours of waiting for him, he only charged me $1,400 to replace all my pipes.

December 28 Warmed up to above -20. Still snowed in. THE WITCH is driving me crazy!!!

December 29 Ten more inches. Bob says I have to shovel the roof or it could cave in. That's the silliest thing I ever heard. How dumb does he think I am?

December 30 Roof caved in. I beat up the snow plow driver. He is now suing me for a million dollars -- not only for the beating I gave him but also for trying to shove the broken snow shovel up where the sun don't shine. The wife went home to her mother. 9 inches predicted.

December 31 I set fire to what's left of the house. No more shoveling.

January 8 Feel so good. I just love those little white pills they keep giving me. Why am I tied to the bed?

As always, to be continued............

HAPPY NEW YEAR EV1

Wow welcome to 2008 everyone out there in bloggerland....I do NOT know where the last year has gone....of course, I imagine that comes with my old age...lmao.

As is usually the case on New Year's day, I have spent most of today reflecting on the events of the past year.... looking back I can say that overall, it hasn't been that bad. I have been sitting here reading over my posts of the last 11 months (as I started blogging this past February). The thing that strikes me the most is what a total pain in the ass I am...I am not sure how y'all put up with me...lmao.

I have gone through and found the following posts that I think are my favourites of the last year :

reflections of virginia tech

fathers day

momma bear memories

Sept 11th

no hugs and kisses

These posts aren't award winning or earth shaddering. They are just posts that reflect what was in my heart or what was going on around me.

Thank you to everyone that keeps coming back...I wish you all the very best in the coming year...

As always, to be continued..................