Saturday, May 31, 2008


Welcome one and all...I will be hosting SOS this weekend as the wonderful Kate is tied up with family and our dearest brillig is busy with moving details. Here is the linky love for ev1 who wants to play. It is a blast so come one come all. For rules, stop in to see kate or brillig. I will be back tomorrow with my SOS story...see below for my post from today.


I received some coupons in an email the other day. Normally, I would just send this sort of email to the "junk" folder and ignore it. With the wild prices of gas these days I felt I had to pass this along...since I heart y'all just that much.

The following is a coupon for 1 litre of gas in Canada :

The following is a coupon for one gallon of gas for all you Americans out there :


As always, to be continued...............

Friday, May 30, 2008


hmmmmm I I the only one that is damnnnnn grateful it is Friday???

Gremlin #2 has been a total terror this week but I have somehow managed to allow him to continue breathing , although there was once or twice that it was a close Gotta loveeeee those 13 yr old male hormones, especially when they are mixed with ADHD that gives him very low impulse control.

Anyway, I am still trying to keep a truckin'...I am really starting to think the new meds aren't the right fit so I am glad I am going to see the doctor in a few weeks. Although they have helped a bit, I still feel very anxious and antsy all the time. I find that although my crying spells have lessened, the littlest thing still makes me upset and gives me knots in my stomach. I seem to have even less ability than normal to let the small stuff slide...if that makes any sense at all.

One thing that has always helped in the past is to be able to swim. I am not one to play sports...and I do try to force myself to go for a walk almost everyday...but swimming has always been the one thing that can relax me. No matter how bad things get or how little I am coping, a swim always calms me and allows me to take a deep breath. The problem is this stupid town only has an outdoor pool that is only open 2 months of the year. I found out yesterday that it is opening on June 21st...that is only 3 weeks from tomorrow....woooooooohoooooooo. I totally can't wait.

I already told the gnome that I don't care if it rains or there is a very late snow I WILL be there for a swim on opening day..lmao. Until then, I will do my best to keep my head above water.

As far as blog-happenings and goings-on, brillig is having guest bloggers for the month while she gets ready to move and I get to post there on Monday. Stop in and check out some of the posts...they are a cool bunch and I am sure there will be some great posts. Also, I have agreed to host SOS this Sunday. Be warned, I will be continuing with my last SOS story with the appropriate amount of mush and gush..lmao.

As always, to be continued..............

Wednesday, May 28, 2008


Ok okkkkkkk I am sorta excited today...

for the first time, I actually get to be a guest blogger on someone else's blog.

The great brillig is in the limbo land that happens when you decide to move to another state so a few of us will be guest-blogging to help her out. Be sure to stop over there and check them out...I am sure they will all be great.

My mind is already racing with the possibilities...I am mulling ideas over in my head because I don't want to disappoint...I want her readers to think I can at least form a coherent sentence (instead of being the goofball I normally am..lmao).

So this is the question I pose to y' any great ideas?? Any topic you think would make for a humorous or entertaining post??? I have thought of a few things...but they seem boring any ideas will be gratefully accepted and Tune in next Monday(June 2nd) to see if I come up with something that isn't totally lame..lmao.

As always, to be continued....

Tuesday, May 27, 2008


Today is a good news/bad news kind of day. Yesterday was a really hard day and honestly, the dark side of the force was powerful....but it was also an important lesson for me.

The weekend was really the craziness, I forgot on both Saturday and Sunday to take the 2nd dose of the PPE (purple people eater..what we have been calling the new By yesterday morning, I was really in a bad place. That was the bad news....the good news was that at least it showed us that the meds must be doing some good...because as soon as they were gone, I spiralled down quickly. I told the gnome he HAS to help me remember...because I obviously need them.

I had something happen this morning that has also lifted my spirits. I have mentioned many times that my gremlins both have a learning disability. Gremlin #2's is very severe and I have really been worried because in a few weeks he graduates public school. In the fall, he will be thrown into high school with little support and a lot of bad influences ready to gobble him up. This is the same high school where #1 was offered drugs her 2nd week there...she said no, but #2 doesn't have good judgement at the best of times...if there is trouble to be found, he is often in the middle of it ...anywayyyyy I have been worrying about him.

Last night I was helping him with his homework and we were answering questions about a story we read. The question asked "whether or not it would be better if everyone was cut from the same thread"...right away my instinct was to answer no...but I read the question and asked what he thought.

#2 's answer : It would be good if we were all woven from the same thread because then we would all be equal, both physically and mentally. If everyone was equal there would be no wars, no racism or no poor people.

I had to email his teacher this morning and told her how much this answer impressed me. Her response was the following:

Wow - what a breakthrough! I had tears in my eyes while I read his response - that is fantastic! I am so proud of his logic! If only our peacekeepers in the world could see his viewpoint!

I know to most people this wouldn't seem like much, but to a momma of gremlins that has had to fight and claw every step of the way, this has given me hope that maybe there IS a light at the end of a long tunnel...

As always, to be continued............

Monday, May 26, 2008


The darkness is winning today...but I am not giving up.

Just wanted to wish all Americans a Happy Memorial Day.

God bless all the troops fighting over seas and all over the world.

May they all make it home safely soon and may we have the wisdom to find peace some day.

As always, to be continued........

Sunday, May 25, 2008


okies fans of all things soapy...I have decided to get my head outta my butt and get back into the swing of things(slowly but surely). To this end, I am going to start posting again for Soap Opera Sunday. I think it was a weeeeeeeeee bit rude of me to start a soapy story and not finish it...don't wanna leave anyone hanging. For rules or to participate stop in to see kate (as brillig is busy getting ready to move).

I am still mulling over the conclusion of the story "After the Marriage from Hell". I will work on it this week and post it next Sunday. For now, here are the links to read the beginning of this story. It has been so long since I started it, I have to re-read it myself so I can remember where I left

Check it out and stop in again soon, ya hear??

As always, to be continued.....

Saturday, May 24, 2008


There are two things that have happened in the last few days that have shown me that even though I haven't beaten "the darkness" ,the meds are at least beginning to work.

Yesterday, I was able to spend the day thinking of my gnome with a great amount of love and thanking God over and over again for bringing him into my life. Through everything, I have always loved the gnome with all my heart but when my mind is in "the darkness", I think that he deserves better than me and that he should move on...he does get upset when I verbalize this.

The second thing that happened wasn't as nice...on Thursday night our refrigerator started making an odd buzzing noise. We knew that was never good but crossed our fingers and took the wait-and-see approach. This morning I was woken up by gremlin #2 telling me that the fridge smelled funny. When I went to investigate, I discovered that it was completely dead and all of our food had spoiled over night.

Now, I would be lying if I said I was happy about this but I was at least able to keep my cool and not freak out. If this had happened a month ago, I would be a TOTAL basket case. Things aren't completely better...but I will take the baby steps where I can get them.

As always, to be continued...........

Friday, May 23, 2008



Today is a very special day here. It was 5 years ago today that the gnome and I made the decision to share our lives. The picture that is the header of my blog is a picture of my river. Although you can't see it, there is a bench there just to the right of the lighthouse. It was on that very bench that the gnome asked me to marry him. This river has always been my favourite place on earth. Before I met the gnome, it was the place I would run to when things were just too heavy to bare....and I would hide there when I was young(and trying to avoid going home).

On our first date, I took the gnome there. I wanted to share this place with him. It was my way of opening the door to my heart just a little bit. He listened and remembered how much it meant to me. Now it means even more to me because we had our first real kiss there...he told me he loved me there for the very first time...and 5 years ago today, he took me there and asked me to be his wife. I remember that day like it was yesterday...and it is a memory I will cherish always.

That was the beginning of a journey that has certainly had it's ups and downs. The road has not always been an easy one but I know without a doubt there is no one on this earth I would rather be travelling it with. I would not have made it through these last weeks without my gnome. He has been my strength and such a wonderful support. He listens to me whenever I need to talk, holds me when I need to cry..and loves me unconditionally, even when I don't deserve it. I do not know how he has stuck with me these last 5 years, but I am so very glad he did!!!

To my beloved gnome,

You are my heart and soul and everything I need in this life.
I love you unconditionally and endlessly for the rest of my life and beyond. I am so lucky to be your wife and so grateful for all of your love and support.

My heart is yours forever and always in this life and beyond.

As always, to be continued...........

Thursday, May 22, 2008


I have tried hard to lighten things up around here alot this last week.... I have made a special effort to make my posts a little more humorous or comical...for those that don't want to read about the "darkness" shouldn't read on...please come back tomorrow as I have a mushy gushy post

Right now I am sitting here shaking my head. I have been on the new meds for 2 weeks now....and was warned by the pharmacist that often it takes 4-6 weeks before they can really kick in and start to I am trying to be patient and just hang in there.

It was such an incredibly hard decision to decide to start these I struggled with and put off for months thinking that if I could just hang on, I would be able to pull myself out of it on my own. As the months wore on and I felt myself sinking further into the darkness a very dear, sweet friend encouraged me to take the step that I had been dreading so much...and I knew she was right. I knew the gnome and gremlins deserved better than the nut case they were dealing with everyday...and deep down a small part of me felt I deserved better too.

Those of you that have read this blog know how very much I love my Mom... continuing to miss her after we moved has been one of the problems. Part of the reason that I was afraid to start these meds was because I felt she would think I was being stupid or weak. When I started the meds. I wasn't even going to tell her about it...but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt ,so I did. I was STUNNED at her reaction. She was actually very supportive and that made me feel sooooo much better.

I love my Mom...more than words will ever express. I have certainly seen her at her best AND her worst. As an adult, this has allowed me to be closer to her. That being said, she was raised to believe that medication wasn't the solution in a situation like this...that you should just suck it up and get control of yourself...she has always acted that way.

I have been trying sooooooo hard to fight against this darkness and not let it win. I have spent the last week running from it...trying to force myself to be more positive and hide how I am really feeling..thinking that if I could just keep this up until the meds took over then maybe things would be ok.

My mom just called me a little while ago for a quick chat. After she asked how I was doing, I explained that I am having some side effects from the new meds that are preventing me from sleeping. I talked to the pharmacist yesterday who said to tough it out for now but if this continues, we will have to try something else.

My mom's reaction to this???

" Well ,why don't you just stop taking them. It isn't like you need them or anything."

Thanks so much Mom for reminding me why I didn't want to tell you in the first place. Right now I don't even know why I am bothering to even try to fight.

As always, to be contined.................

Wednesday, May 21, 2008


I am a total fan of Dancing with the Stars so it was with great excitement(and some sadness) that I sat down to watch the season finale last night. I was excited to see who won as I had picked Kristi Yamaguchi to take home the "glass ball" from the first show.

I really do enjoy the show so I hated to see it end but I was really happy for her and I think she really deserved it. There was a lot of talk about wanting to see a woman win it for only the 2nd time in six seasons....personally I just wanted to see the best dancer win and I honestly think that is what happened (in my opinion anyway...but what the heck do I know...lmao).

I feel a longgggg summer of bad movies and reruns stretching ahead of we TV Good thing Big Brother will be starting again in July to keep us entertained a bit..lmao. Any shows y'all like to watch this time of year????

As always, to be continued...................

Tuesday, May 20, 2008


I had an conversation last night with the gnome that stuck with me and sorta worked it's way into becoming this post.

It started because we watched the season finale of CSI:Miami which we both love. We were both shocked to see Hiratio get shot but we both feel confident he will be fine. That show would be NOTHING without him...

One thing that all of the CSI series have is their "one liners" at the beginning of the show (usually when the dead person of the week has gotten the episode underway). I think that Hiratio is the best at these...and talking about this got me thinking about other shows and movies that have had a famous one-liner that has been , in my mind at least, unforgetable. These are lines that not only make me remember the movie but often takes me back to the first time I saw it.

The following is a list of some of these that I consider memorable:

1) "oh, Auntie Em, there's no place like home."
2)"frankly my dear , I don't give a damn..."
3)"Look, Daddy. Teacher says, every time a bell rings, an angel gets his wings."
4) "Love means never having to say you're sorry. "
5)"Here's looking at you, kid. "
6)"You can't handle the truth!! "
7)"Mama always said life was like a box a chocolates, never know what you're gonna get."
8)"Houston, we have a problem "
9)"ladies and gentlemen take my advice...pull down your pants and slide on the ice."
10)"Live long and prosper." ( this one I added for

Do you know where these quotes came from?? Did I miss any that you would add to this list?? I will post the answers tomorrow if anyone wants to know..lmao.

As always to be continued...........

Sunday, May 18, 2008


I was all set and ready to join the forces of soap opera sunday again today....but it seems that it isn't taking place today so thought I would just put down a few ramblings...

- y'all might notice that this blog isn't pink right now...somehow pink doesn't seem to fit my life right now so blue it is.
- I posted a joke yesterday that didn't go over very well....but no worries I will keep
- I have given serious thought over the last few weeks to deleting this doesn't seem like there are many people reading it anymore. But once again, I decided against it. I reminded myself that I started this blog in the first place to have a place to vent and ramble...even if no one reads it, I feel better doing here I Anything that makes me feel better right now is a good thing!!!
-I have noticed that some of the links for blogs I like to read are now missing on my sidebar...if you pop in and see your blog isn't there, please leave a message so I can fix that.
- as always, please know that your comments and prayers are greatly appreciated.

As always, to be continued......

Saturday, May 17, 2008


I want to start by thanking ev1 for their continued support and always, it means a great deal to me. I figured it was time to lighten things up a bit before I lose the last few readers I here is a funny..hope you like it..haha

A man walks into the street and manages to get a taxi just going by. He gets into the taxi, and the cabbie says, 'Perfect timing. You're just like Frank.'

Passenger: 'Who?'

Cabbie: 'Frank Feldman. He's a guy who did everything right all the time. Like my coming along when you needed a cab, things happened like that to Frank Feldman every single time.'

Passenger: 'There are always a few clouds over everybody.'

Cabbie: 'Not Frank Feldman. He was a terrific athlete. He could have won the Grand-Slam at tennis. He could golf with the pros. He sang like an opera baritone and danced like a Broadway star and you should have heard him play the piano. He was an amazing guy.'

Passenger: 'Sounds like he was something really special'

Cabbie: 'There's more... He had a memory like a computer. Could remember everybody's birthday. He knew all about wine, which foods to order and which fork to eat them with. He could fix anything. Not like me. I change a fuse, and the whole street blacks out. But Frank Feldman, he could do everything right.'

Passenger. 'Wow, some guy then.'
Cabbie: 'He always knew the quickest way to go in traffic and avoid traffic jams. Not like me, I always seem to get stuck in them. But Frank, he never made a mistake and he really knew how to treat a woman and make her feel good. He would never answer her back even if she was in the wrong; and his clothing was always immaculate, shoes highly polished too - he was the perfect man! He never made a mistake. No one could ever measure up to Frank Feldman.'

Passenger: 'An amazing fellow. How did you meet him?'

Cabbie: 'Well, I never actually met Frank. I just married his f**king widow.


As always, to be continued..............

Thursday, May 15, 2008


Okkkkkk apparently I suck..lmao. Which isn't a big shock to me. I received an email from someone I don't even know that told me if I have comments moderated they won't read my blog anymore...soooo okkk then.

The last few days have not been easy. I have been taking the new meds for a week now and today is the day I have to increase the dosage. This is really bothering me, actually it is scaring the shit out of me. I keep thinking...what if the meds don't work...or worse yet, what if they DO and the doctor wants me to take them forever.....I know logically that would be better than how I feel now, but unfortunately in my case logic and depression don't go well together.

I keep trying to remind myself that this is an important and necessary step...that the gnome deserves better than to have to constantly deal with a basket case...that the gremlins deserve a mom that doesn't yell at them for the littlest thing or shut down because the stress level is more than she can handle.

Frankly I deserve better too....and I just can't keep going like this....honestly, I still want to run away and hide so badly that it is so hard just to make myself get out of bed in the morning.

I have spent some time over the last few days reading blogs and catching up on some of the favourite ones I have missed. If you haven't seen a comment from me sure (or scared) that I am coming for you too...lmao.

One blog in particular has been on my mind. Aims is an amazing and gifted writer and I absolutely LOVE her writing. The first time I went to check out her blog, I sat for HOURS reading old posts. I found myself tranported by her writings. She candidly writes about some truly tramatic events of her life...I recommend you all stop by and check her won't be sorry.

Today I finally worked up the courage to go read a bit of her blog. I have wanted too go for days...but I have been scared too. As much as I love her writing, I am afraid...afraid that maybe her past is my future...that I am travelling down a road that she has known all too well...

I am just still so afraid...but trying not to let the fear control me...honest , I am trying hard....not sure if I am swimming or sinking....

As always, to be continued......

Tuesday, May 13, 2008


I wanted to warn you that I have changed the settings on my comment section so I can "modify"comments before they are visable...don't worry, I won't be editing any comments...but I want to be able to delete the SPAM like the comment from "J" on my last wasn't was a scam...

I have seen this joke before but it made me giggle thought I would share...

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport.

Thepilot comes on the intercom, 'This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area'.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co pilot can be heard saying to the pilot, 'So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're inTampa ?

''Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.'

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off.

Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady'sbag and down she goes. The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first.'


As always, to be continued.....

Sunday, May 11, 2008


Today is another day that my mother has been on my mind all she should be.

It has been almost 2 years since we moved away from her and I can honestly say that I missed her every bit as much as I did that first day.

If moving here has given me one is that I appreciate my mother so much more than I did's not to say that I didn't appreciate her before...but when we lived in the same city, I talked to her everyday and I took that a little bit for granted. Now I cherish every call and every visit...when I think she might call ,I rearrange my entire life around her phone calls so I don't miss one...

Our relationship has certainly had it's rocky times...but I am so glad that we hung in there and didn't give up...

Today I tried to find a poem that expressed what I feel about my Mom...but I couldn't find one that "fit" I will say the following...

I love my Mom with all my heart and soul...I am so grateful to God for giving her to me even when she does something that makes me want to strangle her...I can't imagine my life without her in it...and one day, when it is her time to go, I will be heart broken but will try to take comfort knowing that she will be in heaven watching over us and waiting for me to join her...

I love you Mom forever and always with every part of my heart

As always, to be continued.....

Thursday, May 8, 2008


Here is a riddle for y'all....can you explain this to me???

I have read it a number of times and everytime I try to figure it out I go HUH????? lmao

If ya know the answer be sure to share...





As always, to be continued...........

Wednesday, May 7, 2008


Sorry I have been gone so long...

I have really been struggling...feeling like I have been doing more"gulping" of water than treading...that is never good.

I know there are readers out there that have struggled with depression...and it surely does help to know that I am not the only one..

It has been over 22 years since it has been this bad...but yesterday I finally took the step that I have been avoiding.

I called my doctor and asked him for a prescription for an anti-depressant. It was a really hard call to make. It made me feel like such a loser I had failed some how because I couldn't get my shit together on my own. But the logical side of my brain knows that I can't...that the gnome deserves better than this...that gremlins deserve a mom that isn't a total raving lunatic...

And some where....deep a tiny voice saying that I deserve better too...that I can't keep going on like this...

So I made the some I feel a mixture of terror and relief...

Thank you for understanding...for caring...and for praying for me...

My love to you all...

As always, to be continued...........