Thursday, May 22, 2008


I have tried hard to lighten things up around here alot this last week.... I have made a special effort to make my posts a little more humorous or comical...for those that don't want to read about the "darkness" shouldn't read on...please come back tomorrow as I have a mushy gushy post

Right now I am sitting here shaking my head. I have been on the new meds for 2 weeks now....and was warned by the pharmacist that often it takes 4-6 weeks before they can really kick in and start to I am trying to be patient and just hang in there.

It was such an incredibly hard decision to decide to start these I struggled with and put off for months thinking that if I could just hang on, I would be able to pull myself out of it on my own. As the months wore on and I felt myself sinking further into the darkness a very dear, sweet friend encouraged me to take the step that I had been dreading so much...and I knew she was right. I knew the gnome and gremlins deserved better than the nut case they were dealing with everyday...and deep down a small part of me felt I deserved better too.

Those of you that have read this blog know how very much I love my Mom... continuing to miss her after we moved has been one of the problems. Part of the reason that I was afraid to start these meds was because I felt she would think I was being stupid or weak. When I started the meds. I wasn't even going to tell her about it...but I decided to give her the benefit of the doubt ,so I did. I was STUNNED at her reaction. She was actually very supportive and that made me feel sooooo much better.

I love my Mom...more than words will ever express. I have certainly seen her at her best AND her worst. As an adult, this has allowed me to be closer to her. That being said, she was raised to believe that medication wasn't the solution in a situation like this...that you should just suck it up and get control of yourself...she has always acted that way.

I have been trying sooooooo hard to fight against this darkness and not let it win. I have spent the last week running from it...trying to force myself to be more positive and hide how I am really feeling..thinking that if I could just keep this up until the meds took over then maybe things would be ok.

My mom just called me a little while ago for a quick chat. After she asked how I was doing, I explained that I am having some side effects from the new meds that are preventing me from sleeping. I talked to the pharmacist yesterday who said to tough it out for now but if this continues, we will have to try something else.

My mom's reaction to this???

" Well ,why don't you just stop taking them. It isn't like you need them or anything."

Thanks so much Mom for reminding me why I didn't want to tell you in the first place. Right now I don't even know why I am bothering to even try to fight.

As always, to be contined.................


Phoenix5 said...

Oh ok, now I get the PITA reference... duh!

Have you talked to your doctor about the side effects? My doctor first put me on Prozac and I experienced nasty side effects, including insomnia as well as what I called "hyper-alertness' I felt like I could lie in bed and count the threads in the sheets! Once I told him, my doctor immediately took me off Prozac and put me on Serzone, which did the trick (after a few weeks) without the nasty side effects, except for the surprise result of me becoming very photosensitive. Permanently. Which sucks, but is way better than the depression I had! Talk to yoru doctor, he knows your case better than the pharmacist, OR your mom! All the best, my dear friend! ((((((HUGE HUGS))))))

Joy T. said...

Aww big hugs to you! You do what you have to do and that's it. Anyone who judges you is a fool. That's my opinion and I'm stickin to it! And hugs again. Because darn it anyway you seem like such a sweetheart and I hate that you're hurting :o(

aims said...

Talk to your doctor. Some side effects are unavoidable - but some can be managed. Often it takes quite a few tests to find the right one for you - like any drug - so don't give up. And for the people who aren't supportive? When you are better - they will have to eat their words - because it was the meds that got you through it.

Depression is an illness - not the result of you letting down your bootstraps. And like all illnesses it takes medication - not just hauling on your bootstraps.

It will take a while - but eventually you will look back at these posts and think - wow! I forgot I felt like that!

Pulling for you girl - and I second Joy's comment.