Tuesday, September 30, 2008


I have seen this funny many times...and it makes me giggle every single time...so thought I would pass it along..lmao


A lady about 8 months pregnant got on a bus. She noticed the man opposite her was smiling at her. She immediately moved to another seat. This time the smile turned into a grin, so she moved again. The man seemed more amused. When on the fourth move, the man burst out laughing, she complained to the driver and he had the man arrested. The case came up in court. The judge asked the man (about 20 years old) what he had to say for himself. The man replied, 'Well your Honor, it was like this, when the lady got on the bus, I couldn't help but notice her condition. She sat down under a sign that said, 'The Double Mint Twins are coming' and I grinned. Then she moved and sat under a sign that said, ' Logan 's Liniment will reduce the swelling,' and I had to smile. Then she placed herself under a deodorant sign that said, 'William's Big Stick Did the Trick,' and I could hardly contain myself. But, Your Honor, when She moved the fourth time and sat under a sign that said, Goodyear Rubber could have prevented this Accident'... I just lost it.


As always, to be continued.........

Saturday, September 27, 2008


It must be fall in Canada...

leaves are turning colours...the nights are getting colder...

And in the last week, both gremlins and the gnome have shared a cold..

And guess who woke up with it this morning???

Man oh man, it is the momma bear that gets to have all the fun..lmaoooooooo

As always (even if no one listens..lol) to be continued....

Saturday, September 20, 2008


Did anyone know that when gremlins get sick...no matter how old they are, they still always want their Mommy...lol

On Thursday, I had to go pick up #2 from school because he was sick and they felt he had a fever...so Mommy to the rescue of course...

Today #1 woke up with it and the poor thing looks just dreadful...and as much as I hate to see her feeling this poorly, I can't help but smile a bit too...

She is 16 now...and it is always "oh Mommmmmmm this..." or oh Mommmm that..." as she rolls her eyes at the same time...

But today, my dear baby gremlin is really sick...so for today, I am once again Mommy...the one that can protect her and help her until she feels better again...and show her the proper amount of sympathy too of course...lmao.

It isn't nice to have sick gremlins...but it IS nice to be " Mommy" again...for a short while at least...lol

As always, to be continued......

Friday, September 19, 2008





as always, to be continued...........

Thursday, September 18, 2008


Today I pose a question...which is simply this???

Am I the only one that gets scared like a chicken shit when change occurs???

I got a second job today...starting it tomorrow. It is telemarketing out of my home...which makes me nervous even though I have retail and sales experience.

I know this should be a good thing...they guy seems nice...but after talking on the phone to him for about 15 minutes he hired me...

Now my thoughts are...if this job ISN'T terrible why is the guy so hard up for help??? Am I about to get screwed yet again???

I guess time will tell...

As always, to be continued.............

Wednesday, September 17, 2008


OK today I wanna talk about something different...I want to invite y'all to enlighten me about American politics (as long as no one throws any chairs, feel free to be honest ..as a Canadian, I can't be offended..lol)

I have always found the American election process intriguing...I can still see in my mind the day I watched the inauguration of Bush JR and SR, Clinton, hell even Reagan (yeah yeah okay I am old..lmao)

Anyway, I have read a few posts recently talking about McCain's running mate....whether or not she is making a mistake exposing her family to such scrutiny.

First, let me mention that we Canadians are also having an election...but when it was called, the length of the entire process is only about 5 weeks....a bit of a whirlwind maybe, but I can compare it to removing a bandaid....sometimes it is just better to rip it off quickly and not draw out the process too long...lmao.

I do not begin to understand or judge what Governor Palin was thinking when she decided that it was wise to make this career choice....although I think maybe a female vice president would do you yanks a world of good...roflmao ( sorry can never pass up a chance to jab at you guys...lol).

One blog I read recently talked about how relentless the press can be to get dirt on the children of elected officials...and I thought that was an interesting point. Remember the heyday that surrounded Chelsea Clinton...not to mention those Bush Twins. While I completely agree that this is wrong...that these poor girls are raked over the coals in a VERY unfair manner...I am also reminded that life is very rarely fair...

Again, I state that I do not in ANY way judge the Governor's decision...but as a mama, my instinct would be to hide and protect my baby if she was young and dealing with an unexpected pregnancy....not because I would be ashamed of her...but because the world can be, and is, often very cruel and harsh.

Soooooooo what do y'all think??? Please feel free to express yourself....I am honestly interested in your thoughts and opinions..as an interested bystander...

Remember I have said before, I am convinced I was an American in a former life.. lmao

As always, to be continued......................

Monday, September 15, 2008


Ok I can admit when I have made a mistake...and I certainly have with my last post. The truth is my brain is still pretty mucked up...but through this blog I have met some pretty kick-ass great bloggers...and I miss you all.

I have sat here for the last few hours, reading blogs and getting caught up on the goings-ons in your lives over the last few months...and it has really been enlightening.

I think part of what makes depression such a terrible thing to deal with is that it not only sucks the life out of you...but it draws you into a deep dark hole and you lose sight of the world around you.

As I sat here today reading, I really enjoyed catching up...whether it be reading about Jamie's continuing battle against cancer...or JJ's insights into how a young child deals with the concept of trying to understand death...or corky's always funny antics...etc etc etc...

It was good, it reminded me that there is life out there...I honestly think I had forgotten that. And the truth is, I need to blog...I need to be able to type out the thoughts that are in my head...if only to get them straightened around in my mind or to release some of the pressure that builds up in there...

So this is what I have decided to do...I have started a second blog...one that is private and just for me...sort of like an online diary...I have been blogging my deepest and darkest thoughts..and because no one at all (even the gnome) is reading it, I can be as brutally blunt and honest as I want to...and don't have to feel the need to censor myself...

That being said, I miss you all and do very much miss communicating here with you. So I will continue to blog here...whether or not anyone comes back to read...BUT I will blog here when I can be upbeat or share a funny joke. That way, for now, I can get what I need without giving up the bloggers I have come to care for so much....Maybe someday I will post some of the writings from the other blog...maybe not...I guess time will tell...

Hope to see y'all again soon, I will be visiting and lurking your blogs catching up again....

Once again, and as always, TO BE CONTINUED...........

Thursday, September 4, 2008


Not sure why this post wasn't allowing comments, it wasn't something I had done(maybe a blogger fart). I think it is fixed now...thanks to Brillig for letting me know about the problem...take care.

This will be my final post on this blog.

When I started posting 18 months ago, I found it to be a valuable tool for me to straighten things out in my mind , sometimes to vent and or share funny gremlin stories. But I don't feel this way anymore so I am done.

I posted something 2 days ago that was very raw...and hard to right...but I did feel better when I was done...which was the point of it all in the first place...

Since that post, it seems that I haven't been able to read my blog without getting angry or upset and that isn't helping so I am walking away.

I know that all the comments were left with the best of intentions...but right now, I don't feel helped I feel...almost insulted.

At first, I read the comments and even though they did upset me, I considered them thoughtfully and discussed them with the gnome. But after I wrote a post stating that I AM getting medical attention and feel that is all I need right now...there were comments left that upset me all over again instead of just letting it drop. By posting, I understand I opened myself up to comments...but by others commenting , I feel that I have the right to further comment....

Again, PLEASE understand that I honestly do know that these people were commenting because they care...and it is not my intention to be rude in anyway. I can only be honest about how I feel...I feel that just because I expressed myself and was very honest about my depression, that doesn't mean that I am somehow incapable of having judgement about what is best for me. I stated clearly that while I agree hospitalization is a very important tool, it is not for me. I admit I am depressed and as soon as it got to the point where I felt needed help, I contacted my doctor immediately. Being depressed does not mean that I can't be self aware...I am not burying my head in the sand hoping it will all just go away...and dealing with things to the best of my current ability.....

Thank you all for caring and listening all these months. It has meant a great deal to me. But I went without for posting for weeks because I didn't feel I could be honest and I didn't want to pretend....but everytime I have opened my blog in the last 48 hours, it has only upset me or irritated me...and it just isn't worth it anymore. From the first post, I said that when it wasn't fun or helpful anymore, I was gone...and I am there...

I will be lurking around many of your blogs, although probably not commenting much.

Please take care ev1, my love is sent to you all..always!!!

Wednesday, September 3, 2008


Today was a better day...thank god!!! I still missed the gremlins and was terribly lonely but did a better job of staying calm and keeping things in perspective. That seems to be one of the biggest battles....to remember that it is okay to have bad days and enjoy the good ones when they come along.

Thanks to all for the thoughtful comments from my post yesterday. While I do not agree even a little bit that I need to be institutionalized, I still REALLY appreciate everyone's kind words of support ..they mean so very much to me .

When I first talked to my doctor about starting the anti depressants, we also discussed the possibility of me getting counselling. He explained that in this part of my province, as is the case in many places in Canada, there just isn't enough counsellors to come close to being able to cope with the demand. He called it a catch 22....because in most cases counselling will prevent a person's depression from deepening but it is next to impossible to get a counsellor here until you are at the point where you are a danger to yourself or others....which I am NOT!!

Let me state clearly that I am NOT suicidal nor have I been at anytime through this dark time. That being said, I also agree that counselling would more that likely be helpful, but it just isn't an option right now in my area, although my doc did say if things don't improve in the next few months, he would get me on a few waiting lists.

Honestly, it isn't a mystery to me at all what the problem is...I just feel stuck and helpless to improve the situation. I have lived in this town for 2 years now and still do not have a single friend here. I work out of my home so I have little to no contact with anyone other than the gnome and gremlins...and this town is barely big enough to be a dot on a map so there is nothing to do here socially. Some people would be okay living like a hermet but I am not wired that way.

Together the gnome and I have talked about moving back home...but there is just no way we can swing it. Even if we could afford the move itself, we surely can't afford going back to paying for gas so he can commute an hour to work everyday. With all the meds we are all on, we couldn't afford to lose his drug plan. Add the fact that he has an AWESOME boss and I would never ask him to sacrifice that for me...so that is the proverbial rock and hard place I am stuck between.

Things are compounded with the lack of employers in this town...no employers means no escape from a crappy job. I had hung on to hope through the summer because Walmart was scheduled to build and open a store here . But the word came down a few weeks ago that they have put the plans on ice for at least a year,maybe longer...so that sorta dashed my hopes a bit.

Anyway, sorry this rant was so long again. It all boils down to feeling hopeless and helpless...which does get tiresome after awhile. But today was a better day....so I am just gonna remind myself to give thanks for the good days...and breathe through the bad days...it's the only thing I can do for now. Thank you all again and my love to you all.

As always, to be continued...................

Tuesday, September 2, 2008


NOTE : The following is a long rant...was me trying to get past some stuff...

Here I sit..all alone with tears streaming down my cheeks...praying for strength. At this moment, it is hard to see to even type but I feel I must at least try.

Today the gremlins both started high school (#1 in grade 11 and #2 in grade 9).....and all I can feel is terror and loneliness.

I haven't blogged much this summer... I felt I couldn't use this blog in the way I intended when I first started posting. I couldn't pretend that everything was okay...it was taking all my strength to try to keep my shit together for the gnome and gremlins...I couldn't pretend here....so I walked away.

When I started this blog a year and a half ago, I wanted a place to vent and get out the words that were whirling around in my head. The last 6 months have been among the most difficult in my life. I have fallen into a very dark hole and have spent the last months trying to be stronger and fighting my way out of that hole. I am not there yet...it is a daily battle and I still have to MAKE myself keep fighting and not give up. The gnome has been wonderful (for the most part) but I can see how frustrated he is getting too.

I don't believe that anyone who hadn't battled depression can truly understand how all consuming it can be. He says he knows that it is hard, and I know he is trying his best..but of course, there is no way he could really get it...and of course that isn't his fault.

Sometimes I just want to smack him....last night was one of those times. This weekend was so hard ...I kept breaking down and crying. He was patient and understanding even though there was really nothing he could do to help....all I could do was keep breathing and putting one foot in front of each other and trying to get through it somehow...which I did (as best I could anyway).

Last night, he finally couldn't take anymore. He snapped and started to yell at me. Of course, his timing was impeccable because I had just spent a half hour vomitting and was so dizzy I couldn't even get up off the floor.

I wanted to scream back at him but the words wouldn't come. I wanted to ask if he thought I enjoyed feeling this way?? Did he think that I would choose this terrible path to travel?? Did he think I would want this for myself or for anyone???

Sometimes it is like he just thinks that I am just wallowing in self pity and I could shake it off if I wanted to....that I enjoy feeling this way and that I just sit around feeling sorry for myself instead of trying to get better.

Today is hard...I had to send my gremlins off knowing that I can't protect them...this is something they have to do. Again, this is something that can only be truly understood by someone that deals daily with a learning disabled gremlin...I can't help worrying about them...they are growing up so quickly but they will ALWAYS be my baby gremlins and I want to keep them safe in my arms where no one can hurt them.

But today, my fear is not only for them. I have been dreading this day all summer along....being here again, all alone with my thoughts and fears, and only a cat to help me fight off my demons. It wasn't that I would ever expect the gremlins to help me...but just being here all summer helped. One of the things I hate most about this stupid town is that there is nothing to do.

As soon as the gnome left, I felt the darkness quickly overtaking me so I decided to go out for a walk to stay calm. As I walked, everywhere I could see kids standing and waiting for their bus to come. I tried to keep my eyes down and trudged alone. Walking is still painful since my accident..but today the darkness is more painful. As I turned down the last street to get back to mine, there was a family standing on the lawn with a little girl. I smiled as I passed and the older lady started talking, explaining that they were all there waiting to send off her granddaughter to her first day of kindergarten.

I wished them luck as I hurried along. I worried that she might think me rude, but I had to escape before they saw me starting to cry again. Seeing that little girl brought back with a flood so many memories....amd made me feel angry....angry that I can' t freeze time...fearful of what the future holds for my gremlins.

As I made my way home, just as I was about to my house, I saw the bus that #2 used to ride to school. It slowed for a minute infront of my house then drove past me. That started the old faucets going again.

So again, here I sit, trying not to cry, trying to breathe, counting the minutes til by gremlins come home and praying that someday it will be better...because I don't know much more of this I can take.

As always, to be continued.........