Wednesday, May 30, 2007


I feel the need to educate anyone that might be reading this while venting a bit...after all that is why I got a blog.(venting NOT educating).

I have mentioned before that I started a new job about 3 months ago..and honest to God I DO remind myself nightly to be grateful I HAVE a job..honest I do.

The job that I am doing involves calling people on the phone . At this point, I will state that I, in NO WAY ever ever try to sell anything to anyone, I would never be a telemarketer. But of course, often when I call someone they don't let me get 3 words out and they wanna yell at me that they don't want to listen to my sales pitch (even though there isn't one coming..lmao).

I have more than 20 years experience in the field of retail and this is the first time I can honestly say those years of dealing with every kind of customer you can imagine has toughened me and prepared me for a job. While working the current job, I have been called every dirty word you can think of (including the "c" word on a few memorable

It amazes me how very rude people can be when they have NO idea why I am even calling. I understand that it is their right to not want to be bothered by a stranger on the phone, but come on now hard is it to just say "no thank you" or "I am not interested" and hang up, instead of becoming verbally abusive. As I said, I am a tough old bird but sometimes I want to yell back and say "ya know what jackass? I am just trying to feed my 2 gremlins so give me a break".

At this point, I would have to say that karma is a bitch..because I have surely hung up on strange calls in my day but NEVER have I EVER swore at the person on the other end of a line or called them a "c%$^". (guess my momma raised me

Anyway, for the most part I have reminded myself that it isn't personal and some people are just assholes....but tonight was one of those nights that really made me have to dig in my heels to even finish the shift.

It wasn't bad enough that I had to put up with the normal abuse...oh boss gave me a verbal warning because I was taking too long between calls..I am supposed to only take 2-3 seconds between calls and any longer than that , I am in shit.... I was like fuckkkkkkkkk come But unlike some of the morons I talked to tonight, I managed to hold my tongue.

At first, I used to think that it was ok people were being so cruel because I was calling their home...but now I think that there IS a way to handle that situation without being a total asswipe to me, when I am only doing a job.

So the next time, someone calls you with an annoying call, try to think of me and at least say NO THANK YOU then hang up if you must. After all, it could be me sitting here just waiting to hear your wonderful
OK end of rant..thanks if you actually managed to read all of this..
As always, to be continued....

Tuesday, May 29, 2007


Today is one of those days that has reminded me that I DO understand why some species eat their young!!!! I am honestly thinking that they are on to something.

At this point, I should mention for those of you who don't know, that my youngest gremlin has ADHD. To say that this has made life interesting would be an understatement. Honestly, I look back at the last decade and I honestly do NOT know how I have managed to keep ME sane and HIM alive (yeah yeah fica, I know you have a smartass response to that comment, but try to control yourself....lmao).

Anyway, he is 12 now and every time I think we are making a little bit of progress, he starts to fall back into his comfortable routines, which this year have included lying on many occasions and stealing money from us(that one just about broke my heart).

I love that boy with all my heart, and no one could love him more but omggggggggggg sometimes (like today) I just wanna give up and say enoughhhhhhh I QUITTTTTTTTTT!!! I don't imagine anyone can understand that and I know it makes me sound like a bad Mom but sometimes it is just honestly how I feel.

It is times like today that I try to remind myself that it could always be worse. He could have a terminal disease or could certainly be a lot worse off than he is. I do understand that...but that doesn't make it any easier to deal with days like today. Like every parent, I just want the best for my gremlins. I want them to grow up, be healthy and happy and have a good life. But man oh man, sometimes I wanna get off the ferris wheel of parenthood and just have a "normal" ride for a bit...whatever the hell that is...

Anyway, end of rant....

As always, to be continued......

Monday, May 28, 2007


OK, first off let me say happy Memorial Day to all you Americans out there. Are ya all busy stuffing your face with burgers and hotdogs? What do y'all do to celebrate this holiday?? Have "memory contests"?? This holiday always reminds me of this game that I have played at baby/wedding showers where you are shown a tray of different items for 30 seconds then you have to list what you remember seeing. I always sucked at that game...guess it is good I am Canadian ehhhhhhh??? lmao.

Anyway, as I know I have mentioned in a previous post, my health has been acting up lately. The doctor has been switching my meds around trying to get my diabetes under control and these new meds have really knocked me on my ass. I can not remember the last time I have felt so drained and tired and uninterested in doing anything, other than staying in bed all day resting. It almost reminds me of an earlier time in my life when I was suffering from depression.

Anyway, as any of you Mom's out there might know, as soon as the Mom gets sick what the HELL happens but everything goes to hell-and-a-hand-basket. God forbid anyone other than me should get up off their ass and actually vacuum, or even wash the damn dishes. I have accepted this for the most part as my "lot in life", but I am ranting about it now because of the events of this morning.

My blood sugars are raging this morning, and my head is pounding so I decided to get the kids off to school and try to get some more rest. As I just get comfortable, I hear a knock at my door and my first thought is "who the hell is that and WHAT do they want". I gave serious thought to just ignoring the knock, but against my better judgement, I hauled my ass up and answered the door. To my shock and surprise, who stands at my door but my mother-in-law and father-in-law.

Now at this point, I will mention that I ABSOLUTELY 100 PERCENT LOVE LOVE LOVE these people. They live about 6 hours away so we haven't seen them since Christmas, so I am always happy to see them but this morning all I could think is omfgggggggg my house is filthy, and the kitchen is FULL of dirty dishes, and the bed is laying in the middle of the floor...holy fuckkkkkkkk why couldn't they have called first...lmao.

They didn't stay long, as I must admit that I am always sad to see them go, but still I feel like a loser when they come here and see our house in such a shambles. I always feel like I have let my gnome down in some way when something like this happens. Anyway, now I am too worked up to sleep and my head is pounding even more than it was before, so I am gonna get away from this computer.

Again, have a great Memorial Day. I look forward to reading all of the stories how you spent your holiday.

As always, to be continued...............

Thursday, May 24, 2007

Challenge from the PHOENIX

I decided to take up the challenge set forth by the all mighty (and fellow Canadian) Phoenix in his blog. I have seen this one before and thought what could it hurt. Besides, we Canadians have to stick together ehhhhhhhhh...lmao

Here's how to play. Place an X by all the things you've done, or remove the X from the ones you have not. Simple, no? By the way, this is for your entire life:
(x) Smoked a cigarette.
( ) Smoked a cigar.
(x) Drank so much you threw up.
(x) Crashed a friend's car.
( ) Stolen a car.
(x) Been in love.
(x) Been dumped.
( ) Shoplifted candy.
(x) Been laid off.
( ) Been fired.
(x) Quit your job.
(x) Snuck out of your parent's house
(x) Party in the woods.
(x) Had feelings for someone who didn't have them back.
( ) Been arrested.
(x) Gone on a blind date...was the scariest and BEST thing I have ever done.
(x) Skipped school.
( ) Seen someone die.
( ) Been to Mexico
(x) Been to Canada. (ummm.. I LIVE there! LOL! too!!!)
( ) Been on a plane.
(x) Been on a train for a long trip
(x) Been lost.
( ) Been on the opposite side of the country.
( ) Been to Florida.
(x) Been to Washington
( ) Lived in Boston
( ) Gone to the Grand Canyon
(x) Swam in the ocean...not an Ocean but my river is the BEST!!!
(x) Felt like dying.
(x) Cried yourself to sleep...more than I would like to admit
(x) Played cops and robbers.
( ) Recently colored with crayons.
( ) Sang karaoke.
(x) Paid for a meal with only coins.
(x) Done something you told yourself you wouldn't.
(x) Made prank phone calls.
(x) Laughed until some kind of beverage came out of your nose.
(x) Caught a snowflake on your tongue.
(x) Made a snowman.
(x) Made a snow angel.
( ) Danced in the rain
(x) Walked in the rain.
(x) Written a letter to Santa Claus.
( ) Written a letter to the President. (As a Canadian, I don't think my voice would get much ear-time with the President! LOL!..I agree with phoenix on this one so left the message here..lmao)
( ) Met a celebrity...not me but hubby met Terri Clark
(x) Been kissed under the mistletoe.
(x) Watched the sun set with someone you care about.
(x) Blown bubbles.
( ) Made a bonfire on the beach.
(x) Crashed a party.
(x) Gone roller-skating.
(x) Ice-skating.
( ) Rode a camel.
Any nicknames? dynamo, fluffy(a longggg story), and the most important one is MOMMY

Favorite drink? fruitopia
Ever been in a Car accident? yes
2 door or 4 Door? prefer 4

Salad Dressing? Ranch or Catalina
Favorite pie? Pumpkin
Favorite number? 26
Favorite movies? anything mushy with a happy ending
Favorite food? fettucini alfredo
Favorite brand of body soap? Coast
Favorite brand of deodorant? Sure
What do you enjoy receiving? lots of hugs and kisses and reminders that I am loved...we all need to hear those words and I firmly believe they are the most important words ever spoken

So, that's it for this one! Hope I didn't shock or disappoint
Have a great Thursday and happy holiday to all my American friends.

As always, to be continued.....

Wednesday, May 23, 2007


Wowzers what a week and a half it has been. It has been a long time since I have been so knocked down by something that I actually didn't get on to play on badge day (for all you pogo players you know what I mean...lmao). Well I am actually starting to feel like my body is starting to come around and HOPEFULLY I see the light at the end of this longgggggg tunnel (for now anyway).

I have missed you all and I am looking forward to spending some quality time getting caught up on the events of your "blog life" that I have missed.

I have spent a lot of time laying in bed watching TV the last 2 weeks (between trips to the bathroom of course..lmao). We watched the series finale of 7th Heaven and Gilmore Girls...the season finale of 24 and CSI Miami...even watched the end of the Bachelor, although I didn't watch most of the season because I think that guy was a real goofball..lmao.

I only mention this because last night I watched the season finale of Dancing With The Stars and I am still saying...omgggggggg America you soooooooo dropped the ball on that one...for anyone who missed it, this year's winner was Apollo and that was sooooo wrong. Yes, he was a pretty good dancer but Joey was sooooooo much better and it was the fan votes that put him over. I can just see a bunch of young girls dialing away like crazy voting for that goofy smile of his, instead of thinking who was actually the best DANCER...lmao.

Of course, we Canadians are allowed to watch the show but are not allowed to vote for our favourite...maybe because the producers know that we can see past those pretty teeth and choose the dancer that can actually entertain? lmao.

Well I guess that is democracy for ya so I can't bitch too much.....I love ya Joey and you will always be a winner to me...that's my story and I'm sticking too it...lmaoooooooo

love to you all and glad to be back.

as always, to be continued......

Thursday, May 17, 2007

What a week!!!!!!!!

Just a quick post to say hi and I have missed reading all of your blogs this week. I have had one longgggg crappy week being so sick I have hardly been out of bed.

For those of you that don't know, I was diagnosed with diabetes last November. I have been taking meds but the doc has made some changes trying to get my sugars under control. My body is not liking the new meds so I have been sick all week.

Hopefully things will settle down soon.
Take care all!! Hope to be back at it tomorrow.

As always, to be continued.......

Monday, May 14, 2007

Why I am blessed

I hope you all had a wonderful Mother's Day because I most definitely did. I was spoiled and pampered and I didn't even have to cook one single meal..lmao. It was one of those days that truly remind me how very blessed I am....

Sometimes, it is so easy to get lost in the craziness of life today...always worrying about material things and how we will all survive the latest crisis. And believe me, I do include myself in that group. Heaven knows, as a family, we do have our financial difficulties, and there have been times that if it hadn't been for my mom (who I love more than I could ever put into words)..we wouldn't have even had food on the table. But then a day like yesterday comes.....and I think, yeah ok ,I am pretty damn rich to have the 2 gremlins and the gnome in my life.

Yesterday, they took me to my favourite place in the whole world which always gives me joy,peace and contentment. Yes they gave me a nice gift, but more important to me what the card they gave me. It said such nice words, and reminded me that they do love me, DESPITE all my flaws and faults (and believe me that IS a long list).

I guess that is why I am feeling so blessed today. Because no matter how many mistakes I have made, and no matter how badly I have treated them at times, they love me endlessly and unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT...and I surely feel the same about them.

The gnome and I were just talking about this not too long ago, because there was a story on the news about a woman who had lost her child in a house fire. She had escaped, but the child had not made it out. I mentioned how sad it was...but also said that as badly as I felt for that mom, I would never be in that situation because even if I knew it would bring certain death, I would run back into that fire to get my gremlins...I would rather die with them, than live without them. This is in NO way a judgement, just how I feel about my dear gremlins. Besides, if they are gonna meet their maker it IS gonna be cause I sent them there...lmaooooooooooo (just kidding all..)

Have a great Monday all and again hope all the Mom's out there had a great Mom's day.

As always, to be continued................

Friday, May 11, 2007

My Gnome the pack rat

As I read phoenix's blog this morning (which I always enjoy doing btw)...I was laughing my ass off because he was talking about being a pack rat...and I started to wonder if it was a Canadian "thing" ...along with riding our polar bears to work when the snow gets more than 6 feet high...lmao.

I say this because unlike me, my dear Gnome is SUCH a pack rat and sometimes it drives me insane. I want to say "in what universe could you EVER need to keep that shit"...and anyone who knows anything about my dear Gnome knows that it is all sports memorabilia that he wants to keep, which of course has more than once almost driven me over the edge of what little sanity the gremlins have allowed me to keep..lmao.

In the past, I used to bust his chops about it until I found out that it wasn't totally his fault because it is, infact genetic...the following story explains why I say this....

About a year and a half ago, my gnome-in-law retired from his job, which was a position in the Canadian Government (don't run away screaming all, he wasn't a politician) Anyway, it seems to be a rule, that when you retire from a job like this, you can't do it with any less than 12 parties hosted by assorted friends and businesses. As members of his family, we were invited to the biggest of these that was hosted by the people that worked in his office with him. It was a very nice event and a good time was had by all. As part of the evening, the organizers asked my Gnome and his brother to say a few words about their dad. They both did a nice job and made the room laugh quite a bit with their funny stories but the one that pertains to this post is a story retold by the gnome's brother.

It seems that when he was younger, being a cocky teenager (and male to boot), he decided to go against his father's wishes one night and drive his friends home...even though it was winter and the weather was not at all good. Well , as he was driving the weather worsened and he ended up putting his car in a ditch so of course, he had to call dad to come rescue him, after DAD had told him not to go in the 1st place. The next day, they had to call a tow truck to get the car towed out of the ditch...and safe to say DAD was not overly thrilled.

Now of course, the boys tell this story better...but the part that makes me still laugh is that while gnome's brother was telling it, he pulls out the towing bill from this very story. It seems that when he told his mom what story he wanted to convey, she managed to find the bill for him even though it was more than a decade old...lmao.

For some reason, ever since then I have tried to give my dear Gnome a break when he is being a "rat"...after all, it seems like he learned from the best....lmaoooooo.

As always, to be continued....

Wednesday, May 9, 2007

Life is like a box of chocolates...ya never know what you'll get..SO SAYS FORREST GUMP

Really how true is this... I have been thinking about my past over the last fews days , ever since my post 2 days ago when I was listing 7 things about myself. Like most people, I have times when I sit back and reflect on my life . I mentioned in that post that when I was younger, I was a music major in University. I left school after completing almost 3 yrs of a 4 year degree. My plan at the time had been to get my degree and teach music..hopefully at the high school level. It wasn't my plan not to graduate, but I got sick and honestly gave up. My family NEVER supported my decision to go to school and refused to give me help financially, so it was a struggle from the start. Many days, I went without eating and I still don't know how I managed to get as far as I did. In my 3rd yr, I got mono and was forced to leave school til the doc said I wasn't contagious, and that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back...

At the time, I thought I would go home , get better, work for the summer and start again in the fall....but once I got away from that environment, I just couldn't seem to find my desire to fight my way back..and it WAS a fight to even get there in the first place. All that being said, I will again state that I honestly believe that everything in life happens for a reason..even if you don't know what the reason is....

There have been times that I honestly regret not going back to school...and still to this day, it makes me a bit sad...but when I start thinking that way, I just remind myself that it was not God's plan for me ...and wow did my life take a different path...

When I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have music teachers that inspired me and shared their love of music with me...and to this day I still carry that with me.. I have music in every part of my body and soul, and it is something that has given me great joy in a way that few other things have...

BUT...more importantly I can look back now and see that music has actually saved my life. As I also mentioned in the same post, I am an incest survivor. I mention this, not to make people feel uncomfortable or sorry for me, but to stress the "survivor" part because I did survive it. When things were bad at home through high school, I was lucky that I had my music to keep me sane and honestly, to give me something to live for. I was so desperate to have something good to hang on to, I joined every band and choir I one point, I belonged to 6 bands and 2 choirs...and now I don't know if i would have made it through those years without my music...

When I managed to get to University, I thought all my troubles were over...I was going to make my dreams come true AND I had escaped the HELL I grew up in....but instead, I went into a pretty good depression...since I wasn't having to hide to survive any longer, my mind decided that it was time to actually start to think about my past, and I just wasn't ready to deal...I could ramble on more about this, but that is another post in itself...lets just say that again, God sent me what I needed, when I needed it , to survive and overcome...

When I look back now at my time away at school, it is with very mixed emotions. It makes me sad that I didn't accomplish my goals...but now in my old age (LOL)...I can look back and realize that my love of music saved me...helped me to escape the abuse that was my past...and then let me go when I was ready to live and deal with life without an "escape"...

And to this day, music is still my escape...I sing daily and often...I love listening to music and how it makes me feel...When my gremlins were born, and I held them for the first time, I sang a song that I have always loved...called "You Light Up My Life"... we were in the hospital...nurses everywhere...but I didn't care who heard me (and I do sing badly btw..lmao)....there is a line in that song that says "you give me hope, to carry on"...and how true it has been...those 2 gremlins have driven me to almost want to drink at times...but it IS because of them that I never say I would have wanted things to go life would be NOTHING without them...and I would die for them without even thinking about it...that is the Momma Bear in me I

Have a great Wednesday.

As be continued.....

Tuesday, May 8, 2007

A funny for your Tuesday

I have certainly had some serious "vents" lately on my blog so thought I would lighten up today. This is a joke that a friend sent me and I thought it was hilarious. It reminds me of that guy (I think his first name is Phil??) that is a comedian and says "here's your sign"....omg he is hilarious...lmao.

These people walk among us.........
Some guy bought a new fridge for his house. To get rid of his old fridge, he put it in his front yard and hung a sign on it saying: "Free to good home. You want it, you take it." For three days the fridge sat there without even one person looking twice at it. He eventually decided that people were too un-trusting of this deal. It looked to good to be true, so he changed the sign to read: "Fridge for sale $50." The next day someone stole it. Caution... They Walk Among Us!

One day I was walking down the beach with some friends when someone shouted...."Look at that dead bird!" Someone looked up at the sky and said..."where???" They Walk among us!!

While looking at a house, my brother asked the real estate agent which direction was north because, he explained, he didn't want the sun waking him up every morning. She asked, "Does the sun rise in the north?" When my brother explained that the sun rises in the east, and has for sometime, she shook her head and said, "Oh, I don't keep up with that stuff."
They Walk Among Us!!

I used to work in technical support for a 24/7 call center. One day I got a call from an individual who asked what hours the call center was open I told him, "The number you dialed is open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week." He responded, "Is that Eastern or Pacific time?" Wanting to end the call quickly, I said, "Uh, Pacific" . .They Walk Among Us!!!

My colleague and I were eating our lunch in our cafeteria, when we overheard one of the administrative assistants talking about the sunburn she got on her weekend drive to the shore. She drove down in a convertible, but "didn't think she'd get sunburned because the car was moving". They Walk Among Us!!!!

I told the girl at the steakhouse register that I wanted the half pound sirloin. She informed me they only had an 8 ounce sirloin. Not wanting to make a scene, I told her I would take the 8 ounce steak instead of the half-pounder. They walk among us!

My sister has a lifesaving tool in her car. It's designed to cut through a seat belt if she gets trapped. She keeps it in the trunk...They Walk Among Us!!!!!

My friends and I were on a Pepsi run and noticed that the cases were discounted 10%. Since it was a big party, we bought 2 cases. The cashier multiplied 2 times 10% and gave us a 20% discount....They Walk Among Us!!!!!!

I was hanging out with a friend when we saw a woman with a nose ring attached to an earring by a chain. My friend said, "Wouldn't the chain rip out every time she turned her head?" I had to explain that a person's nose and ear remain the same distance apart no matter which way the head is turned...They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!

I couldn't find my luggage at the airport baggage area. So I went to the lost luggage office and told the woman there that my bags never showed up. She smiled and told me not to worry because she was a trained professional and I was in good hands. "Now," she asked me, "Has your plane arrived yet?"...They Walk Among Us!!!!!!!!

While working at a pizza parlor I observed a man ordering a small pizza to go. He appeared to be alone and the cook asked him if he would like it cut into 4 pieces or 6. He thought about it for some time before responding. "Just cut it into 4 pieces; I don't think I'm hungry enough to eat 6 pieces.
Yep, They Walk Among Us, too.!!!!!!!!

Sadly, not only do they walk among us, they also reproduce!!

Tooooo funny...Have a great Tuesday all..
as be continued......

Monday, May 7, 2007

7 things about me

I have been tagged by burfica(and now Laurie and have decided to take up the challenge. I am supposed to list 7 thing about me that no one knows... Now I will say that most of these things will be already known by my dear friend heartsinglass (stop in and say hi because she is new to the world of blogs). Probably some of them will also be known by my dear burfica, but here it goes:

1) The first thing that comes to mind is that I am an incest survivor. I will spare you all the graphic details but I can say for certain that as terrible as it was, it made me a stronger person. For a long time, I hated the man that hurt me and now honestly I pity him. I know that he will meet his maker someday and he WILL have to explain himself and why he isn't sorry for his actions. Carma can be a real bitch eh??

2) In my last post, I mentioned my ex-loser. The night I kicked him out makes for a good giggle now (all these years later). I found out he was having an affair on me. Our gremlins were only 2 1/2 yrs old and 5 months old. I kicked his sorry ass out that very night. The funny part is that when he left, I took his clothes and threw them at him off the 2nd floor balcony of our apartment. I am sure someone must have thought I lost my mind, but it seemed like a good idea at the time..lmao.

3) Because of #2 , I was a single mom for 8 years and honestly I am not sure how I survived....or more accurately how the gremlins did!! Some days when I got them to bed, I would just sit down and cry wondering how I would find the strength to get up and do it all over again the next day, but I always did somehow....and now I sure am glad I did.

4) When my gremlins were little, I used to watch Barney with them at least twice a day. We used to sing the songs together and sometimes would dance too. The gnome makes fun of that , but honestly I did what I had to do to stay sane. We would go out for a walk everyday and would walk down the street singing barney songs. Years later, an old lady I knew told me that she used to look for us everyday and would watch us sing our way by her house. She told me we always looked so happy, and she missed seeing us (once the kids got old enough to be in school during the day). I didn't have the heart to tell her it wasn't happiness that made me sing with them, it was trying to entertain them so I didn't have to strangle them...lmao.

5) When I was young, we had a dog named Buster. We all loved that dog with everything we had . He was a beagle/terrior mix and he lived to be 20 yrs old. He got cancer and I will never forget the day my Mom called me to tell me they had put him down. I cried for days, and to this day, almost 20 yrs later, I still expect to see Buster come running when I go to my Mom's house. He was a nasty old coot but we loved him just the same.

6) I went to Queen's University in Kingston, Ontario ,Canada. Although I didn't graduate, I was a Bachelor of Music major . There is a long story about why I didn't finish school and I will post about that another time. I do regret not finishing, but as I always say, everything happens for a reason even if you don't know what the reason might has it's own twists and turns and ya gotta buckle up and keep going on the ride!!

7)I have owned 3 cats in my life. The first cat's name was Arthur. He was big and fat and black . He came into my life my 1st year of university. A new friend came to my apartment all upset, because she had been to a party where a bunch of drunk idiots were playing "cat -ball". They went into a room, closed the door, formed a circle and started kicking the cat around like it was a ball. It still makes my blood boil to think about it. Anyway, my friend catnapped Arthur and ran away after screaming at the fucktards (that word is a "burfica" Well ,she brought Arthur to me because she didn't know what to do, since her room mate was allergic to cats and I lived alone. He was one mean, nasty cat I will tell ya. The next day we took him to the vet to make sure he was ok. Luckily they hadn't broken anything, but the vet said he had been abused for awhile(which explained his nastiness), so home he came with me to stay. At first, I thought he was a mean ol shit but now I look back and realize what a gift he was. I was so miserable and alone. God knew Arthur and I needed each other to love, I honestly believe that. We were roommates for months, and one night that grump came up, sat down on my lap and started purring...I was so shocked to hear it, I thought he was He had never purred before and it took all that time for him to love me enough to purr for me...and I sat there and cried as I listened to him. As April rolled around and the school year ended, one day Arthur just disappeared and never came home. I prayed for him and looked for days, but never saw him again. I hope he found someone else that needed him as much as I did.
A few years later, after I left school I bought a new kitten named Bandit. She was so sweet and over the years, she was a loving and caring friend to me. She slept with me at night, purred for me daily, and when I started to have flashbacks about my past, she would lay across my chest and purr until I calmed down and stopped crying. She lived for 17 yrs and I still miss her daily.
My third cat's name is Bootsie. She is still with us and is almost 18 yrs old now. She is sitting beside me on the floor. I took her in because someone threw her and her brother in a snowbank and left them to die when they were about 6 weeks old. I have always told my gremlins, God brought Bootsie to us because she needed a family to love her. And let me tell you, whoever abandoned her missed out . She has been a loving part of our family and when it is time for her to go be with Bandit in heaven, we will miss her greatly.

Sorry I rambled on...but I liked this one...I tag heartsinglass,zippie and phoenix ...will be watching for your answers.

Sunday, May 6, 2007

Insanity Reigns!!!

As I sit here drinking my tea from Tim Horton's (and omg you Americans are missing out not having Timmy's) ANYWAY I WANDER OFF TOPIC...sorry I gave myself a smack...I am back...lmao.

Anyhow, as I sit here looking at the blue sky, drinking my tea I have come to the conclusion that I am infact insane (yeah yeah fica hold back the smartass cracks and

When I am ticked at someone, I have to ability to fight BOTH sides of the argument in my head and STILL I lose the fight...and I wonder how that is possible???

Let me start by saying that this has been one very long, miserable weekend. My dear gremlins have been gone all weekend and that SHOULD have me dancing on the roof in my undies (ewwww that visual bothers even me..lmao). I find it hard to enjoy the time away from them because they are gone to the father's house and this is NOT a good man (history of both physical and verbal abuse to the extreme). And before anyone wonders, they go because it is court ordered after a long court fight (Canadian justice system bullsh*t is a whole other post!!!)

Anyway, mainly due to my stress I have been fighting back and forth this weekend with someone I care about deeply. The Gnome has been amazing all weekend, mainly because he is used to giving me a break when they are gone and he knows how hard it is on me. I mention the fight, not because it is overly important in the grand scheme of life, but because it makes me think I am losing that little bit of sanity I have left.
It started as one of those fights that really isn't over anything life altering, and when it is over ya wonder why it started in the first place..know what I mean???

Anyway, I have given the whole thing a lot of thought this weekend because "Joe" (lets call the friend that for purposes of this post)..well Joe means a great deal to me and I respect her opinions and thoughts on life in so many ways. Because of the respect I feel for her, as I think about things I start to 2nd guess myself and ask myself things like was I too harse? yes probably. Did she hurt me deeply when I needed her.. absolutely!! In the grand scheme of world peace does this fight matter... of course not... do I want to hide in a corner and lick my "wounds"... you betcha..

Now you see what I mean..carrying on both sides of a fight in my head and still losing...guess now that I read back it is more that likely that I lose because there IS NO winner when it comes to fighting. Again, a lesson she taught me...dammit!!! Don't ya hate it when that happens...lmao.

I guess part of the reason why Joe gets under my skin is because in many ways she is like a mother to me. And as is often the case with my own mother, often I love you deeply and want to strangle her in equal measure.

Again the insanity kicks in, when the logical side of my brain just tells me to get the hell over it and apologize while the emotional part of me wants to hurt her as badly as she hurt me. And she did hurt me, so I lashed back. Like a hurt child, all I wanted was a hug and to hear that it was going to be hang on and have faith. When I couldn't get that reassurance, I was hurt. Luckily the logical side of my brain wins out, most of the time anyway. Because as much as I can get mad and yell, I can love and forgive even more....again something she taught me dammit!!! Grrrrrrr why does she have to be so darn smart..lmao.

to be continued....

p.s. after I reread this post , I gave myself a smack and sent her an apology for what I said and forgiveness for what she said...guess that is all I can do so I am going back to bed...

Friday, May 4, 2007

My thoughts

Well, it has surely been a longgggggg week and I am glad Friday is here. I have some current health issues going on that have made me spent time reflecting and considering....what will the future hold...what would happen to the Gnome and gremlins if I couldn't stay on earth with them as long as I want to....pretty weighty subjects I know...these are the times when I have to give myself a shake, remember to have faith that it will all work out the way it is supposed to, then get off my ass and go for a that is what I am going to do... I just wanted to share a poem a friend sent me.

I have seen it many times and I am sure a lot of you have also, but I still re-read it because I think it's message is an important one (to me anyway). As I know I have said before, no matter how much I may want to flush them away, my gremlins NEVER leave me or go to bed without hearing that I love them...because in the end, to me, that it the most important gift I can give...and when my times comes (or God forbid THEIR time comes)....I will have the peace of mind knowing that I told them every chance I could that my love for them has no end.....and no boundaries...

Mommy.. Johnny brought a gun to school,
He told his friends that it was cool,
And when he pulled the trigger back, It shot with a great crack.
Mommy, I was a good girl, I did What I was told, I went to school, I got straight A's, I even got the gold!
But Mommy, when I went to school that day,
I never said good-bye, I'm sorry Mommy, I had to go,
But Mommy, please don't cry.
When Johnny shot the gun, He hit me and another,
And all because Johnny, Got the gun from his older brother.
Mommy, please tell Daddy; That I love him very much,
And please tell Zack; my boyfriend; That it wasn't just a crush.
And tell my little sister; That she is the only one now,
And tell my dear sweet grandmother;
I'll be waiting for her now,
And tell my wonderful friends; That they always were the best;
Mommy, I'm not the first, I'm no better than the rest.
Mommy, tell my teachers; I won't show up for class,
And never to forget this, And please don't let this pass.
Mommy, why'd it have to be me?
No one deserves this, Mommy, warn the others,
Mommy I left without a kiss.
And Mommy tell the doctors; I know they really did try, I think I even saw a doctor, Trying not to cry.
Mommy, I'm slowly dying, With a bullet in my chest,
But Mommy please remember, I'm in heaven with the rest;
Mommy I ran as fast as I could, When I heard that crack,
Mommy, listen to me if you would, I wanted to go to college,
I wanted to try things that were new, I guess I'm not going with Daddy, On that trip to the new zoo.
I wanted to get married, I wanted to have a kid,
I wanted to be an actress, Mommy, I wanted to live.
But Mommy I must go now, The time is getting late,
Mommy, tell my Zack, I'm sorry but I had to cancel the date.
I love you Mommy, I always have, I know; you know it's true,
And Mommy all I say is, "Mommy, I love you."

In Memory of The Columbine & Virginia Tech Students Who Were Lost

As always, have a great Friday all. To be continued..........