Life is like a box of chocolates...ya never know what you'll get..SO SAYS FORREST GUMP

Really how true is this... I have been thinking about my past over the last fews days , ever since my post 2 days ago when I was listing 7 things about myself. Like most people, I have times when I sit back and reflect on my life . I mentioned in that post that when I was younger, I was a music major in University. I left school after completing almost 3 yrs of a 4 year degree. My plan at the time had been to get my degree and teach music..hopefully at the high school level. It wasn't my plan not to graduate, but I got sick and honestly gave up. My family NEVER supported my decision to go to school and refused to give me help financially, so it was a struggle from the start. Many days, I went without eating and I still don't know how I managed to get as far as I did. In my 3rd yr, I got mono and was forced to leave school til the doc said I wasn't contagious, and that was the proverbial straw that broke the camel's back...

At the time, I thought I would go home , get better, work for the summer and start again in the fall....but once I got away from that environment, I just couldn't seem to find my desire to fight my way back..and it WAS a fight to even get there in the first place. All that being said, I will again state that I honestly believe that everything in life happens for a reason..even if you don't know what the reason is....

There have been times that I honestly regret not going back to school...and still to this day, it makes me a bit sad...but when I start thinking that way, I just remind myself that it was not God's plan for me ...and wow did my life take a different path...

When I was growing up, I was lucky enough to have music teachers that inspired me and shared their love of music with me...and to this day I still carry that with me.. I have music in every part of my body and soul, and it is something that has given me great joy in a way that few other things have...

BUT...more importantly I can look back now and see that music has actually saved my life. As I also mentioned in the same post, I am an incest survivor. I mention this, not to make people feel uncomfortable or sorry for me, but to stress the "survivor" part because I did survive it. When things were bad at home through high school, I was lucky that I had my music to keep me sane and honestly, to give me something to live for. I was so desperate to have something good to hang on to, I joined every band and choir I could....at one point, I belonged to 6 bands and 2 choirs...and now I don't know if i would have made it through those years without my music...

When I managed to get to University, I thought all my troubles were over...I was going to make my dreams come true AND I had escaped the HELL I grew up in....but instead, I went into a pretty good depression...since I wasn't having to hide to survive any longer, my mind decided that it was time to actually start to think about my past, and I just wasn't ready to deal...I could ramble on more about this, but that is another post in itself...lets just say that again, God sent me what I needed, when I needed it , to survive and overcome...

When I look back now at my time away at school, it is with very mixed emotions. It makes me sad that I didn't accomplish my goals...but now in my old age (LOL)...I can look back and realize that my love of music saved me...helped me to escape the abuse that was my past...and then let me go when I was ready to live and deal with life without an "escape"...

And to this day, music is still my escape...I sing daily and often...I love listening to music and how it makes me feel...When my gremlins were born, and I held them for the first time, I sang a song that I have always loved...called "You Light Up My Life"... we were in the hospital...nurses everywhere...but I didn't care who heard me (and I do sing badly btw..lmao)....there is a line in that song that says "you give me hope, to carry on"...and how true it has been...those 2 gremlins have driven me to almost want to drink at times...but it IS because of them that I never say I would have wanted things to go differently...my life would be NOTHING without them...and I would die for them without even thinking about it...that is the Momma Bear in me I guess...lol.

Have a great Wednesday.

As always....to be continued.....