Thursday, November 29, 2007


My brain is still resembling scrambled eggs but I wanted to drop a quick line of thanks for all who read and commented on my last post. These comments certainly gave me food for thought...

Today wasn't really any better..but that is ok because I am still breathing, as are the gremlins (so

I do feel the need to mention that my last post wasn't meant to be a "pity party" ...and I do apologize if it came across that way. I use this blog to giggle and sometimes to gnome- bash. My last post fell into the "venting" category.....sometimes forcing myself to sit and type out what is bothering me turns on a light bulb and gives some clarity to the situation....such was not the case yesterday, but I still figured it was worth a try.

The situation is a simple one...I live in a very small town where no one knows me or cares if I live or die. There are no job opportunities here and I don't have transportation to another town for work so I am forced to stay at a job that mistreats me then cuts me back to 6 hrs a week...geeeeeee, thanks boss.......

Living here was a choice I made, not knowing how very hard it would be to live with.....that is just the way it is...

The sadness comes from knowing that it will be this way forever.....I love the gnome and my gremlins with everything I have...and I know that should be enough...but when I am honest with myself, I know that it isn't. There is nothing to do in this "barely-big-enough-to-be-a-dot-on-a-map" town....and even if there was, we couldn't afford for me to do it.

This is the life I have made and I know that it is my own fault...knowing that however does not make it any easier.

There is no longer anything to look forward adventures...I have tried to explain to the gnome how I am feeling and he is so wonderful about listening yet really has nothing to say that can help.

There is one fear I have that I have never told him...and I never will. I have never allowed myself to even form the words before...but the truth is, I fear that in the end I will grow to hate him. He knows that I hate it here,that I gave up so very much to move here...and he knows how miserable I am here.

I wish the logical side of me could take control of the emotional side...then maybe it wouldn't be so hard.

When all is said and done, the logical side of me knows that it could be worse and that we have to just keep truding along as best we can...but right now the emotional part of me sees nothing to look forward to... nothing to hold out hope for...and that it is too late ...there is no way to fix it, no way to get a "muligan" and I am just sad...

When I think of all I have had to fight my way through in this life.....I just don't want to fight anymore...I am worn and beaten so I am going to hide away for now...

I don't ask for this often...I try to save this request for those more deserving...but I feel lost and please, for those who believe in the power of prayer, I will ask you this once to please pray for me.......thank you and my love to you all....

Wednesday, November 28, 2007


Warning : the following is a rant that isn't even remotely apologizes and I won't blame you if you don't read it...

Have you ever felt lost and unsure where to turn? Have you ever felt like you were in a heavy fog and there didn't seem to be a light to guide you out of it?? Does this sound totally whacko?

Whacko or not this is how I have been feeling the last few weeks...and I wish I could say it is getting better, but it really isn't.

I want to be able to shake myself out of this funk...the longer it goes on, the guiltier I feel (because the gnome has to live with my sour puss face)...which just makes me feel worse...which makes me feel we see a pattern here??

I have mentioned before that I have struggled with depression throughout my life. Over the years, I have found "tools" that have helped me to keep it in check....talking out the problems with my friends....going for a walk and sitting by my river...going for a swim...this things have always helped me. Unfortunately, now I don't really have these things to help me and I don't have anything new to replace them.

Sorry I am babbling aren't I?? Sometimes it is the littlest thing with me that can send me in a downward spiral...this time it was a dumbass comment made by my boss. Things have slowed down at work and they have cut our hours greatly (down now to 6 hrs a week with no end in sight). My bosses reason for cutting me so drastically was that I am "an unacceptable employee". It isn't like I even like the damn job but these words have made me feel like such a failure.

Okkkkkkkk rambling again......sorry.

These are the things going on in my head right now...I KNOW this boss is a jerk and I can't let him get to me......even though it was his thoughtless words that got this all started, it has moved beyond that now....

I feel alone and trapped....I find myself wondering how I got to this place where I have travelled down a road filled with mistakes and bad choices....

I have lived in this town for 17 months now and I am no happier here than when we first moved. It is better for the gnome...I know this to be true....but there is no way he will ever be able to understand how miserable I am here. I have explained this to him before but finally had to just give up and except that coming here was a mistake..and now I have to suck it up and live with it.

I keep telling myself things could be sooooooo much worse...the logical part of my brain knows this is true. But the dark cloud that taken possession of my brain right now just wants to run hide under a rock and not come out.

I find myself getting jealous of people I don't even know because they look happy and fulfilled ...then I realize that makes me even more of a loser...

At one point yesterday, I actually was sitting on my couch thinking that maybe the gnome and gremlins would be better off if I weren't in their lives....then gremlin #1 came around the corner and I started to cry. As desperate as I was, I knew I could never leave them.......

I have been struggling with this post for a few days...and it still doesn't make any sense I am sure. Sometimes typing it all out clarifies things and lightens my load....but that is not the case this time.

For anyone how made it through this blast of a post...I say thank you so much and I truly appreciate you taking the time...maybe I will give it another go tomorrow....

As always, to be continued............

Tuesday, November 27, 2007


I have been trying to write a post for a few days about what is going on here...why I have been feeling so blue...but everytime I try, it doesn't work....the words aren't ready to escape yet....

In the meantime here is something to make ya giggle...or throw eggs at me...whichever ya prefer.....lmao

A man staggered into a hospital with a
concussion, multiple bruises, two black
eyes, and a five-iron wrapped tightly
around his throat.

Naturally, the Doctor asked him, "What
happened to you?"

"Well, I was having a quiet round of golf
with my wife, when at a difficult hole;
we both sliced our balls into a cow pasture.

We went to look for them and while I was
looking around, I noticed one of the cows
had something white in its rear end."

I walked over, lifted its tail, and sure enough,

there was a golf ball with my wife's
monogram on it - stuck right in the middle
of the cow's butt."

"Still holding the cow's tail up, I yelled to my
wife, "Hey, this looks like yours! "

I don't remember much after that...

As always, to be continued...................

Sunday, November 25, 2007


As always, to be continued....................

Saturday, November 24, 2007


Hope you all are having a great holiday weekend(or normal weekend for us non-Americans). Here is a funny to make you giggle :

On the way to the hockey game on Thursday, I rear-ended a car.

Somehow I knew it was going to be a bad day.

The driver got out of the other car, and he was a dwarf, poor bastard.

He looked at his dented car and then looked up at me and said "I am nothappy"

I said, "Well, which one are you then?"

That's how the fight started...


As always, to be continued............

Thursday, November 22, 2007


I hope all my blogger buddies to the south are having a wonderful and fun filled holiday today. I have often said that I love American thanksgiving better than the one we have up here...and I am convinced I was a pilgrim in a former

In keeping with the today's holiday, the following are things that I am thankful for:

- my gremlins....who love me unconditionally no matter how loud I scream or how bad I fuck up. Most days I want to strangle the both of them....but I would walk through fire for them and would give my life in a heartbeat to save them....they are, and will always be, my babies.

- my gnome - I know I have not made his life easy.... in fact I know at times I have made it a living hell....but no matter what, he has stayed with us and made it all worth while....for that, I am more in love with him every day and more grateful than he will ever know.

- my Mom - she has not always been a great Mom...actually she was a terrible mother when I was growing up and it took me a long time to forgive her for not only hurting me...but failing to protect me . However, I love her more than words can express and the thought of losing her someday is more than I can allow myself to even think about.

- my cat - my dear girl is almost 18 yrs old and she came to me when, as a very young kitten, someone beat on her then left her in a snow bank to die. I can't imagine what kind of monster could do that to something so little and helpless, but their loss was definitely my gain... her unconditional love is something that can never be replaced.

and last but DEFINITELY not least:

-my blogger friends - I started this blog at the urging of burfica in February and honestly didn't think I would like it. In the last 9 months, I have grown to care about you all . I love to read about your lives , your thoughts, or when you share funny stories . I can't count the times that I have been feeling low or upset....I start reading blogs and before long I am sitting here laughing out loud while the gnome looks at me like I have lost This blog has given me a place to laugh....cry...vent and share my inner most thoughts without fear of being judged or ridiculed. For that I am TOTALLY grateful and I love you all...

Have a great holiday America...can someone pleaseeeee send me some leftovers??? LOL.

As always, to be continued...............

Wednesday, November 21, 2007


This is what we woke up to this morning. There is more forecast later today and tonight...

Not exactly "wordless" Wednesday....but thought I would share anyway...........

As always, to be continued.................

Tuesday, November 20, 2007


Read to the bottom BEFORE you need to read the entire post ....or ya might think I am a

The following sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement. However, We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty:



This sign was prominently displayed in the window of a business in Philadelphia. You are probably outraged at the thought of such an inflammatory statement.However, We are a society which holds Freedom of Speech as perhaps our greatest liberty. And after all, it is just a sign.

You may ask what kind of business would dare post such a sign???


A Funeral Home (Who said morticians had no sense of humor?)

You gotta love it!!!

God Bless America

As always, to be continued....................

Friday, November 16, 2007


Disclaimer: Please be warned there is a story below that is neither funny nor entertaining......

There once was a little girl who was born to a fairly big family. She had 3 sisters and 1 brother. This little girl grew up knowing very little love...a great deal of fear...and eventually terror and betrayal.

When growing up, the only day of the year that this little girl was happy was Christmas day. It was the only day that she knew her father would be nice to her and wouldn't spend the day screaming at her.

As she grew up, her mother's way of dealing with mistakes was to slap first...ask questions later. Because this little girl was far from perfect that meant she was slapped around and yelled at a LOT.

This little girl grew up asking herself WHY a lot...

why did she have 2 parents that made 5 babies and didn't bother to tell any of them that they were loved....

why did the father of this little girl pick her to be the one he would hurt and violate in a way that would give her nightmares for years and scar her forever......

why did her own brother and sisters feel the need to call her the "human garbage can" because food was the only thing in her life that gave her comfort and made her feel better.....

and the biggest why of all....why she went through her entire childhood (and longer) without one single person EVER telling her that they believed in her...that they supported her...or simply that they loved her.....

Sometimes I wish I could go back in time....I would hold this little girl, comfort her and tell her she wasn't alone...I would tell her I love her and believe in her..that she is stronger than she thinks and she isn't alone...

I would tell her NOT to listen to them ...that she ISN'T worthless and that she CAN make something of her life....

I think there are few things worse when you are a child to feel alone and suffer and know that no one cares enough to protect you is sadder still...

As always, to be continued...........

Thursday, November 15, 2007


I haven't posted much the last few days..when I have it has been pics and jokes...I haven't been able to put into works what I have been feeling...and honestly didn't want to keep sounding like a gloomy gus.

I am still here...trying to hang on and tread water as best I can...

I will however relate one thing that happened to me yesterday...

As you all know, my dear gremlins struggle in school due to their learning disabilities. Yesterday I got into it BIG time with the teacher of gremlin #2..

I won't go into details as I am still rather pissed off about the entire encounter. It is enough to say the dumb bitch made the mistake of first trying to boss ME around after treating my gremlin very badly THEN treated me like I am some stupid moron.

All I can say is ohhhhhhhhh stupid, stupid teacher when will you learn...I have been around the school yard a time or 2 and I have brought down bigger and meaner bitches than her..

Believe the time I was done with her she was whistling dixie out the other side of her ass...

Guess we will see if she has learned her lesson or if I have to take another round outta her...hopefully she will smarten up and get her shit together...although I am not gonna hold my breath...

Moral of the story is...a good teacher is worth his/her weight in gold...a shitty teacher needs to have the shit kicked outta her...

As always, to be continued...........

Tuesday, November 13, 2007








'nuff said....

As always, to be continued..........

Monday, November 12, 2007


Take this warning very seriously ...a friend of mine had her computer crash and couldn't receive or send any emails.

I would hate to see this happen to any of you so please be very careful and take appropriate steps to protect yourself against this culprit !!!!

Below is a picture of the problem :


hee hee hee...gotcha....isn't this cute....LOL
As always, to be continued........

Sunday, November 11, 2007


All I can say is holyyyyyy shit where do I get one...cause man oh man do I EVER need one...hee hee hee....

As always, to be continued............

Saturday, November 10, 2007


Yesterday was one of those days where the only good thing I can say about it is THANK GOD it is over. I honestly do not know how I got through the day without killing the gnome and gremlins...I don't think I would have even cared enough to hide the bodies because no court in the world would have convicted me it WOULD have been justifiable homicide...lmao.

I apologize for my last post...but those were the only words my brain would allow me to type...but I am calmer today (with a wicked headache from all the screaming and crying I did yesterday).

Things have been stressful here work in not treating me at all well and keep cutting my hours. Everytime I think I know how bad it is gonna get, they cut me even more (next week I have 6 hrs). I hate the job so it isn't like I miss working there...but I live in a very small town with ZERO job opportunities and I am sorta screwed in that department...

To increase my stress level, I broke a tooth and lost the filling on Wednesday. I got an appointment with the dentist immediately, thinking that if I got it fixed now, the tooth wouldn't absess and it would be cheaper and less painful. Oh yeah, smart thinking flake...I should have known better. I got the filling ok... $235 later. The problem with this is that my paycheck was a whopping $ $6 left to feed us all for a week(oh righttttttt that money went to the tylenol )...

I tried to convince the dentist's office to let me pay half this week and half next week, but of course they HAD to be peckerheads about it...why should THEY care that I have 2 gremlins and no money to feed them for the week.

To make the day complete, the gnome and I decide we have to spend the day fighting. I told him I wouldn't go get the tooth fixed if the money was that big of a deal and he proceeded to be a COMPLETE asshole...said some very hurtful things ( I admit I struck back with some nasty words of my own..not our finest hour).

Well the day progressed and I tried to get myself under control and out of my bad mood. Dear gremlin #1 came home from school in a fairly decent mood so that helped..she can really be a great kid when she chooses to be. THEN comes gremlin #2 and the fun begins all over again.

He was supposed to be going to a special play and they hadn't allowed him to go. At first, he tried to lie and tell me he just had work to catch up on. Of course I have been around the school yard a time or two, so I grabbed the phone and called his school. As soon as he knew he was gonna be busted, he spilled the beans. It seems they had an assembly and he was so badly behaved they had to remove him and send him to talk to the principal. Instead of apologizing, he proceeded to mouth off to the god when my gremlin fucks up, he sure as hell does it in a big way!!

Well, of course I freaked on his head and took away his TV and computer privileges...gotta hit em where they hurt ya know...

Next gremlin#1 decides to take her shot at me and turn into a she-devil. Suddenly every time I asked her to do something, she snapped and grumped at me. She got so rude that I finally got her face (so close our noses were touching) and reminded her that I brought her into this world and I sure as HELL can take her out...

At this point I was thinking they were all plotting to drive me to the funny farm . All I could think was that if they had just asked me in the first place, I would have just asked them how soon can we leave?? lol.

Of course, the day would have not been complete without another big blow up with the gnome about my shitty job and lack of hours. We screamed and yelled pretty good ....we can sure be shitheads to each other when we chose to be....

This morning, I awoke to a cold and sunny a great deal of pain. I am determined to make today a better day...I find it hard to believe I could make it much worse...(yeah I know it can always be worse, but I don't even wanna think about that now)

To put the icing on the cake, when gremlin #1 came down to get some breakfast, I went to give him his meds (for his ADHD) and realize that we fucking FORGOT to give him his fucking pills yesterday,....that doesn't excuse his bad behaviour but it sure as hell didn't help...I apologized and told him I would call the school Monday and let them know what happened....

Did I mention I am the suckiest ,shittiest Mom ever???

As always, to be continued.........

Friday, November 9, 2007


cost of emergency exam at dentist $60

cost of filling for 1 stupid lousy tooth $175

cost of meds to survive pain from tooth $6

realizing your gnome is a selfish jerk asshole....


As always, to be continued..............

Thursday, November 8, 2007


Today is a special day for 2 very special people. First let me ask you all to please stop by Melody Ann at shoofly and give her a happy birthday shout out. There is a birthday post there for her that is pretty cool...while there, take a look at the gift I gave her..hee hee.

Today is also my dear gnome's birthday....the birthday post for Melody Ann has inspired me to steal the idea and do something similar for the gnome.

The following is a list of the first seven things I will do for the gnome when WE WIN THE LOTTERY :

1) buy my gnome a new car. After all every man deserves a hot car to drive while going through his mid-life (notice baby, I picked one in maple leaf

2) take a long trip on a secluded private beach where gremlins are NOT invited and clothes are optional...hee hee hee (really we are just gonna play crib people...lmao)

3) next fly to hollywood to go star gazing and then take a dip in the ocean....maybe we could meet "Jack Bauer" or "Homer Simpson"

4) next I would buy an RV so we can drive across Canada checking out golf courses and bowling alleys as we go...the gremlins can come for this one...lmao.

5) Our next stop (after we ditched the gremlins with his would be to Paris to check out this purdy building and visit the city of lovers...

6) Once we were ready to move on, our next destination would be to pick up the gremlins and whisk them away to disney world and /or disney land...we would all have a blast I am sure....

7) of course, I saved the best for last... the single most important thing I will buy my dear gnome will be life time SEASON tickets for the Toronto Maple Leafs...this alone would be worth at least a week of back rubs I am

So what do y'all think? would this be a good start? lol

To my dear gnome,

Happy birthday my love. The day I met you was the best day of my life . You have improved my life and filled my heart with love, in ways I never could have expected or hoped for. You are my soulmate and my heart would not be complete without your love. I am the luckiest woman to have you and I thank God every single day for bringing up together. I will love you forever and always, til the end of my life and beyond. You are my beloved.

love, ME

as always, to be continued.....................

Wednesday, November 7, 2007


Last night I was treated to hockey night in Canada first hand. The gnome is the BIGGEST hockey fan ever ...I could clarify that he is a HUGE fan of the Toronto Maple Leafs. Long story short is that we unexpectedly score 2 tickets to the leafs game last night. They were playing the dreaded Ottawa Senators and the gnome took me to my very first NHL game.
I am not really a hockey fan but I have tried to tolerate it because I know how much the gnome loves it and I love him. The game was surely was a home game for Ottawa so we were surrounded by Sens fans. I will post more about it another time...but I did try to get some here they are...sorry they aren't better but we were up in the nosebleed
This is the outside of the arena..though not a great pic the building is amazing itself :

These pics were being auctioned off. I would have loved to put a bid on the maple leafs one but the opening bid was $400...sorry dear gnome :

The 2 teams warming up before the game :

The national anthem...was totally amazing...the building was packed with more than 19,600 people in attendance:

This Canadian flag was unrolled by people during the anthem...there were actually rows of people under it holding it was really cool :

2 teams playing hard :

The sens congratulating themselves after a good game...honestly the leafs sucked but the gnome really enjoyed it still :

The guy next to us was a diehard Sens fan. He was nice though and didn't seem to mind us screaming for the leafs and booing the was interesting but not sure I would want to go

As always, to be continued..............

Tuesday, November 6, 2007


Happy Tuesday to everyone......

I have to post about something that happened to me yesterday.

As I have mentioned already, last week was not one of my better weeks....sometimes I forget that my dear gremlins are now old enough to pick up on things even when I don't talk to them about it...

of course I nag them regularly reminding them not to sm0ke...not to do drugs...and I remind gremlin #1 regularly that I think she should wait to have sex, but that she can talk to me about it when/if she feels pressured about that (gremlin #2 is 13 and still thinks girls are

Anyway, when I am down and out I don't talk to them about what is bothering me...I just "suffer in silence" and accept hugs whenever possible...(and btw I am starting to feel better again)..the point of this entire rant is this.........

Yesterday, gremlin #1 asked for computer time and scrambled through her homework to get it......when it was time for her to shut it down so we could have supper and get ready for me to work, I yapped at her to get moving and didn't really pay attention to what she had been up to (which is TOTALLY not me normally when it comes to my gremlins and the internet).

Anyway, we got moving and I walked by my desk to find the pic below as my new screen saver..the lil bugger had spent her time making this for me to cheer me up....

What the heck do ya do with a gremlin like that...other than hug the stuffing outta her of does make a momma bear smile and feel fuzzy
As always, to be continued.............

Monday, November 5, 2007


Here is a funny to brighten your day...hope it gives you a giggle like it did me...lmao.

The Farmer An Iowa Department of Highways employee stopped at a farm and talkedWith an old farmer. He told the farmer, "I need to inspect your farm for a possible new Road."

The old farmer said, "OK, but don't go in that field."

The Highways employee said, "I have the authority of the State of Iowa to go where I want. See this card? I am allowed to go wherever I wish on farm land."

So the old farmer went about his farm chores.
Later, he heard loud screams and saw the Department of Highways employee running for the fence and close behind was the farmer's prize bull.

TheBull was madder than a nest full of hornets and the bull was gaining on the employee at every step.

The old farmer called out, "Show him your card, smartass!!"

hee hee hee

As always, to be continued..........

Friday, November 2, 2007


Well hells bells everything has become suddenly clear and I have had an ampithany tonight...

I thought I had been feeling depressed about work, gremlins being shitheads etc...but without meaning to, it has ALL been clarified by my dear sweet Corky.

I read this post and suddenly a light bulb has gone on and explained everything. I hadn't heard about the events that inspired this post, and I am still in shock.....

The trekkie in me in now in mourning...the girl that sat by the TV every single Saturday watching Star trek...who had a star trek calendar 3 years running...who watched every episode so many times that she could tell you what the entire episode was about after viewing only the first 20 is this girl that has been down and out...

So thank you Corky for showing me what has been bothering are an inspiration and a true trekkie leader...(and man oh man do you ever make good lookin babies....lmao).

As for the perpertrators of this "trek" crime..damn you one and all...

As always, to be continued.......

p.s. no I was NOT drunk or medicated while posting this...
(well maybe a LITTLE medicated...lmaooooooooo. Did I mention that the first thing that returns is my sick smartass sense of humour??? lol)

Thursday, November 1, 2007


I want to send out a big helloooooo and thank you to all that have send well wishes and thoughtful comments over the last week. They are appreciated more than you will ever know!!

I have missed you all greatly and I will be visiting your blogs over the next day or 2 to get caught up on everything I have missed this past week and I have so many things to share that I feel it trying to pour out of my fingers so fast I can barely keep

I guess the most important thing to start with is an explanation as to why I haven't posted in a week....

I know there is more than one person that reads my blog that will understand when I say I have been depressed this last week. It is something that I have struggled with on and off over the last 25 yrs . I have been blessed that it isn't something I have had to be medicated for since I was about 20 (which was about 20 yrs

It is something that is hard to describe but these "bouts" of depression for lack of a better word are difficult mostly because I don't usually see them coming and sometimes it can be the silliest thing that gets the ball rolling.

We all have times in our lives when we are feeling blue or get discouraged...unfortunately these periods of depression are a bit more than that and are harder to shake off, for me anyway.

I was lucky enough to have a chaplain when I was younger that helped me a great deal. He listened without judgement, offered suggestions about how to deal with the issues from my childhood and gave me tools to use to help me pull myself out of these dark periods.

Almost 20 yrs later, I still here his voice in my head at times...thinking to myself "what would he say if I could talk to him now"....often just thinking about that helps me wrap my brain around what is bugging me...however this wasn't one of those times...

What set me off this time?? It was a stupid comment made by my STUPID boss...things are slow at my job right now and they have been slicing hours for the last few weeks..when my boss informed me of this (by email..the dumb chicken shit)...his reasoning for cutting my hours was that I am an "unacceptable employee"...

It wasn't just this label that caused this downtime, it was more like the straw that broke the camel's back....combined with my dear gremlin #2's decision to turn back into a TOTAL shithead the second he turned 13 (but that is another post in

Anyway, I spent most of the day sleeping today...when I woke up I smacked myself upside the head (literally) and said ok girlie, enough is enough...get your ass up and get back to life here I am!!!! I am back to treading water like normal (whatever normal It is times like these that really make me miss my river...that place that always makes me calm and serene no matter how badly I am struggling....

Anyway, I do thank you all again for your thoughts and kind words. I will be stopping in to see you all over the next day or so (I would do it right now if the gnome weren't here tapping his toes because he needs the

I apologize in advance for all the comments I will be leaving in my efforts to catch up...just remember they are posted with love.

As always (now that I am among the land of the blogger-living again), to be continued.............