Sunday, May 6, 2007

Insanity Reigns!!!

As I sit here drinking my tea from Tim Horton's (and omg you Americans are missing out not having Timmy's) ANYWAY I WANDER OFF TOPIC...sorry I gave myself a smack...I am back...lmao.

Anyhow, as I sit here looking at the blue sky, drinking my tea I have come to the conclusion that I am infact insane (yeah yeah fica hold back the smartass cracks and

When I am ticked at someone, I have to ability to fight BOTH sides of the argument in my head and STILL I lose the fight...and I wonder how that is possible???

Let me start by saying that this has been one very long, miserable weekend. My dear gremlins have been gone all weekend and that SHOULD have me dancing on the roof in my undies (ewwww that visual bothers even me..lmao). I find it hard to enjoy the time away from them because they are gone to the father's house and this is NOT a good man (history of both physical and verbal abuse to the extreme). And before anyone wonders, they go because it is court ordered after a long court fight (Canadian justice system bullsh*t is a whole other post!!!)

Anyway, mainly due to my stress I have been fighting back and forth this weekend with someone I care about deeply. The Gnome has been amazing all weekend, mainly because he is used to giving me a break when they are gone and he knows how hard it is on me. I mention the fight, not because it is overly important in the grand scheme of life, but because it makes me think I am losing that little bit of sanity I have left.
It started as one of those fights that really isn't over anything life altering, and when it is over ya wonder why it started in the first place..know what I mean???

Anyway, I have given the whole thing a lot of thought this weekend because "Joe" (lets call the friend that for purposes of this post)..well Joe means a great deal to me and I respect her opinions and thoughts on life in so many ways. Because of the respect I feel for her, as I think about things I start to 2nd guess myself and ask myself things like was I too harse? yes probably. Did she hurt me deeply when I needed her.. absolutely!! In the grand scheme of world peace does this fight matter... of course not... do I want to hide in a corner and lick my "wounds"... you betcha..

Now you see what I mean..carrying on both sides of a fight in my head and still losing...guess now that I read back it is more that likely that I lose because there IS NO winner when it comes to fighting. Again, a lesson she taught me...dammit!!! Don't ya hate it when that happens...lmao.

I guess part of the reason why Joe gets under my skin is because in many ways she is like a mother to me. And as is often the case with my own mother, often I love you deeply and want to strangle her in equal measure.

Again the insanity kicks in, when the logical side of my brain just tells me to get the hell over it and apologize while the emotional part of me wants to hurt her as badly as she hurt me. And she did hurt me, so I lashed back. Like a hurt child, all I wanted was a hug and to hear that it was going to be hang on and have faith. When I couldn't get that reassurance, I was hurt. Luckily the logical side of my brain wins out, most of the time anyway. Because as much as I can get mad and yell, I can love and forgive even more....again something she taught me dammit!!! Grrrrrrr why does she have to be so darn smart..lmao.

to be continued....

p.s. after I reread this post , I gave myself a smack and sent her an apology for what I said and forgiveness for what she said...guess that is all I can do so I am going back to bed...


Phoenix5 said...

"A house divided against itself cannot stand" Jesus Christ

You gotta stop beating yourself up, my friend! You did a good thing by apologizing and offering forgiveness though. Always a smart, and gracious move! I hope it returns in kind!

As for our Canuckian inJustice Systemcrash, I think it's time every judge in the land got fired! Time to do justice Judge Dredd style! LOL! (I loved that movie!)

We seem, as a society, to swing from one extreme to another. Not too long ago, in a child custody case, the mother automatically got full custody, no matter what the situation. Fathers complained, and most of them were probably good fathers and had a valid complaint. Now fathers get joint custody no matter what the situation, even if there is history of abuse and once again, the kids lose out. It is clear that the judges and lawyers are only interested in serving the paying adult public, and totally forget that the children involved are part of the future of this country and need to be considered above the parents in these cases!

I truely think that to be a member of the Liberal Party of Canada, or a member of the bench, you must undergo a full frontal lobotomy and solomly swear to leave what is left of your brains at the door!

Ok, I'll shut up and get down off my soapbox now! I don't want you to think I'm a bitter old man here! LOL!

Have a good week, my friend!

Canadian flake said...

phoenix, Thanks for the supportive words AND the giggles. You are sooo right about the court system here in so many ways....but again I say, this is surely a post in itself..lmao.

Burfica said...

I hope it all works out with Joe. You were the better person making the first move. Lifting a big burden off your heart.

You go girlfriend!!!

Canadian flake said...

burfica - thanks hon. I have tried to learn to say sorry when I am being a butthead. I have gotten a bit better at that as I have aged, and the gnome has actually helped me do it too..lmao. Nice to know he is good for something..roflmao.