Sunday, December 16, 2007

SOS: THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL PART 2

Welcome all to another Soap opera Sunday.... I started this story last Sunday and although it might not be considered "soapy"...it is a story I've have needed to tell for a long time. I started writing a bit of it last Sunday, and it just poured out of me...I sat and wrote for over 2 hours...so soapy or not...here is part 2 of THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL. Stop in to see brillig or kate for SOS rules and this week's host is thalia's child

When last we spoke, I was in the marriage from hell…..you can read part one here.....

As I said before, this marriage was difficult from the beginning.

The following March, gremlin #1 turned 2 but luckily she was still young enough that she wasn’t really aware of the tension in our home, or at least she didn't understand it.....by this time, it was just a normal part of our lives. By the time we reached our first anniversary, FH and I spent our days either fighting or not talking at all. I cried myself to sleep more than once, praying that he would just leave but knowing he never would…and I didn’t have the strength or courage to escape.

Finally, I came to the decision that I had ‘made my bed” so I had to suck it up and just try to make the best of it.

Keeping in mind that SOS IS g-rated, I will spare you the details. It is enough to say that for the most part, there was very little intimacy , meaning no longer any interest on my part and only VERY little “pity” sex.

By Christmas of 1993, I was constantly feeling run down and sick all the time. After a few weeks of this, I decided I better see my doctor. I was more than a little scared, but just kept reminding myself that I WAS on the pill and I could count on one hand the number of times we had been “friendly”. By the time I saw my doctor, my period was a few weeks late and I was freaking out. Luckily, the pregnancy test was negative and I cried tears of relief. The doctor assured me that my period was late because I was just so stressed out. His advice was to just “forget about it and chill out”. He put the nausea and vomiting down to a combination of stress and possibly a stomach virus. The doc continued by reminding me that the chances of my getting pregnant while on the pill were very slim…so I felt reassured.

Once I could stop crying and could breathe again, I walked home. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was freezing cold and gremlin #1 was all bundled up. As I walked her home, I said a very long prayer of thanks. It wasn’t that I didn’t want another gremlin……but I knew that it would have made things worse. I was already miserable and stressed. I felt like I already had two children because FH was so totally immature and useless.

That day, I felt like I had been given a “break” or a do-over and I was relieved. I knew I needed to be more careful and I had even less of a desire to “pity” FH. From this point on, if he wouldn’t sleep on the couch, I would. As determined as I was to live with my choices and make this life work for the gremlin, I knew that FH would NEVER touch me again…I WAS DONE thinking about his needs...I would take care of my gremlin and try to simply make the best of a bad situation.

From this point on, I kept a strong and determined attitude. FH was never the sharpest pencil in the box, so he didn’t clue in when I started sleeping on the couch. Finally, I told him that I had NO interest in ever sharing a bed with him again. Being the selfish jerk he was, there was more than one attempt made to try to change my mind..including one night that he came very close to raping me…but I remained firm. I knew I had made the right decision and I certainly didn’t miss him in the slightest. I put my energy into taking care of the gremlin and trying to be civil with FH thinking that was the best I could manage.

By march of 1994, I was still not feeling better physically and had missed 2 menstral cycles (almost 3 actually). I was worried but had already had two pregnancy tests come back negative so I was beginning to think that something else might be wrong with me. The doctor was still putting it all down to stress but decided to do some blood work to just double check that everything was ok. He reassured me again that everything was okay and it was simply a precaution.


By this time I had shared with him that my marriage was in trouble and my fears that another gremlin would just add fuel to the fire. He was very supportive and comforting which calmed my nerves.

I spent the next week on pins and needles, trying not to over react, but still very worried. Finally, near the end of that week, my prayers were answered and my period finally came. I was so happy that all I could do was sit down and cry. Waves of relief washed over me and I said many prayers of thanks. I again believed that I have been given a reprieve and I would take this "scare" very seriously. I knew it wasn't going to happen again because FH had given up and accepted that there would be no more intimacy.

I hugged my dear sweet baby gremlin and thanked God ...and went about my day with a lighter heart.

It was that very afternoon that I would get a call that would change my life forever..........

As always, to be continued.............

8 comments:

Jerseygirl89 said...

Could you please do the next part tomorrow? Pretty, pretty please? I'm so worried for you. . .

Heather said...

Oh, the suspense! I agree with jerseygirl. I want to know you're going to be ok!

janet said...

omigod. dont leave us in suspense like that!!

Burfica said...

yup finishing that up right now would be a good idea!!! hehehehehe

Wholly Burble said...

Gremlin #1 implies Gremlin #2--hum. But now I have to wait until next week to find out what the life-changing event really was--tough, tough week as several SOS are making me hang on tinderhooks, yours now included LOL.

Phoenix5 said...

Ever read Japanese manga, or graphic novels? There's a thing they do when someone says something and the listener can't think of something appropriate to say in return. I'm going to use it now:

"..........."

Thalia's Child said...

Oh my goodness. I really want to know how this turns out.

jAMiE said...

I can't wait to find out what that call was....