PRAYER REQUEST

Happy Monday all....

I had a funny that I was planning on posting tonight...then I read this. I would ask that anyone that believes in the power of prayers....or even sending good thoughts...please do so for brillig's family...I think they could use the prayers/good thoughts now ....

Reading that post reminded me of the day I found out what my dear gremlins were in for with a learning disability...of course it was nothing compared to autism...but for me, the diagnosis was still very scary...

This story is sort of timely with the "marriage from hell" post from yesterday. When I was with FH I knew something wasn't right with him but no one seemed to be able to tell me what...when he was young, ev1 told his parents he was retarded...but I knew that wasn't the case, it was something else. I was still in my stupid "love him" phase so I pushed to get him help and get tested...I remember the day we got the results exactly...it was March 14th, 1992. I know this because the following day was my due date with gremlin #1...I was soooo ready to get that gremlin out of me..lol.

Anyway, the specialist wouldn't give us the results over the phone . When we got to the office, they sat us down and let me have it....FH had severe ADHD although as an adult he wasn't hyperactive anymore of course. As they told me what this was...what it all meant...I remember thinking that I had just been knocked over the head...then they dropped the bomb that this disorder was genetic...My first instinct was to scream at FH and cut his balls off...but of course, none of it was his fault...

OK OK at this point I will now state that I completely understand that this was not a death sentence...and that it could have been soooo much worse...but remember I said I was 9 months pregnant...I was totally sick...and I was already scared shitless about giving birth...so this news was not what I needed at this particular moment in my life...

The road had not been an easy one...I am grateful for both of my dear gremlins and I love them with everything I got...unconditionally and forever!! I am so blessed that for the most part they are healthy...and I thank God for that....

That being said, when someone gives me a "suck it up" speech, I wanna punch their teeth in...I love my babies and they deserve as good a life as anyone else...and it breaks my heart to know they will always have to struggle just to get by......and until you have been a single mom of a gremlin with ADHD you have NO idea how hard it is...the battles that I have had to go through with the schools...the teachers I have had to scream at (actually that is one of the fun parts...hee hee hee) ..the nights I have been reduced to tears trying to get one of my gremlins to understand homework that is so simple for other kids and they just can't grasp it no matter how hard they try.....

Anyway, as hard and scary as it has been, I would do it again in a heart beat and I still live it everyday...somedays ,I don't know where I will get the strength to continue fighting...but I do...I would walk through fire for those gremlins. This isn't the life I envisioned when I was younger and wanted kids, but I wouldn't give them back for anything...so I will have their backs and just keeping loving them. Although I am not as patient as I should be, I keep trying to do better and I remind them everyday how much I love them...and that I always will.

I think the hardest thing to live with is that I feel guilty...if I had chosen better than maybe they could have had a better life...but then, they wouldn't be the gremlins they are, and that would surely be a loss for this world. I worry what will happen one day when I can't take care of them anymore....but I pray hard and try to keep the faith, I guess that is all any of us can do....

As always, to be continued..................