ALL CLOGGED UP WITH SOME PLACE TO JOKE

Just wanted to pop on and say hi. I am still here... The higher dose of the meds seem to be helping...but they have clogged the words in my brain and made them stuck there...

So the blog has been silent...thought the least I could do is dig out a joke to try to make y'all smile at least..lmao.

A jumbo jet is making its final approach to Tampa Airport.

The pilot comes on the intercom, 'This is your Captain. We're on our final descent into Tampa . I want to thank you for flying with us today and hope you enjoy your stay in the Tampa Bay area'.

He forgets to switch off the intercom. Now the whole plane can hear his conversation from the cockpit. The co pilot can be heard saying to the pilot, 'So, Skip, whatcha got planned while we're inTampa ?

''Well,' says the skipper, 'first I'm gonna check into the hotel, take a big crap....then I'm gonna take that new stewardess with the huge tits out for dinner.. I'm gonna wine and dine her, take her back to my room and give her a ride on the baloney pony all night long.'

Aghast and amused, everyone on the plane hears this and immediately begins looking up and down the aisle, trying to figure out who this new stewardess is that the pilot's talking about.

Meanwhile, the new stewardess is seated at the very back of the plane. She is so embarrassed that she starts running toward the cockpit to turn the intercom off. Halfway down the aisle, she trips over an old lady's bag and down she goes.The old lady leans over and says: 'No need to hurry, dear. He's gotta land the plane and take a shit first.'

lmaooooo

As always, to be continued......

GREMLIN GRADUATION

What a crazy couple of days...where to even start. I will be back with details but my mind is still whirling and my heart is a little bit sad.

Tonight, my baby graduated from public school. They all looked so grown up...

As I sat there waiting for him to get his diploma, I flashed back to that first day that I took him to kindergarten...

I thought he would be scared...or might cry. He had been with me all alone for 2 years at that point and I thought he might miss me...

But he just said "bye Mom" and walked in the door and didn't look back...

Tonight as I sit here crying for my baby, I pray that he has the same courage in September when the next chapter in his life begins...

I have waited for this day for 9 years...and now that it is over, I am more sad than my words express...but I am proud too!!!

As always, to be continued......

SWIRLY WORLEYS

Thank you ev1 for the kind words and support. As always, you all totally rock!!!

The doctors visit went well...he ALWAYS makes me feel calmer about things..

Tons to write about...words swirling in my head...but the doc increased the dosage of the meds and it is messing with me a bit. He warned me it might happen...just gotta batten down the hatches, tough out the wind and wait for calm waters.

Will be by soon to visit and catch up.((hugs)) to you all.

As always, to be continued....

S.C.A.R.E.D

Today I am scared!!!

I have to go see Dr S today and I am so nervous I couldn't even eat last night and I hardly slept. This is the first time I have been to see him since I started the purple people eater meds....

Dr S is a great guy and has been the absolute BEST doctor for me...he has been my family doctor for 17 years this month..and I wouldn't trade him for anything...

It is the fear of the meds...the gnome and I talked about it yesterday and we both agree that they are working ...things are at least a little bit better...and I want them to work....but I don't want to be on the damn things forever....and I think I still worry that the men in the little white jackets are gonna come knocking at the door and haul me off to the funny farm.

So I am scaredddddd ...will anyone hide me if I run away???

As always, to be continued.......

BLOGGER MUST BE MALE!!!...AGAIN

Holy crap...is this thing on??? LOL

Blogger is being a total moron...everytime I have tried to post or even read blogs in the last 5-6 days I have gotten error messages....

Don't know who stuck the popsicle stick up blogger's butt...glad summer is here..maybe blogger will thaw out and chilllll a bit..

Hopefully, we will return to our regularly scheduled programming now...

CROSSES FINGERS...

As always, to be continued
(when blogger isn't having PMS)..........

HOCKEY STICK??

TheCanadianWay ...

A Newfie, a little man,was sitting at a bar in Toronto when this huge,burly American guy walks in. As he passes the Newfie, he hits him on the neck. The big,burlyYank says, "That's a karatechop from Korea .

Well, the little Newfie gets back on his barstool and resumes drinking his beer.

The burly American then gets up to go to the bathroom and, as he walks by the Newfie, he hits him on the other side of the neck and knocks him to the floor. That's a judo chop from Japan ", he says.

The littleNewfie decides he's had enough and leaves.

A half hour later he comes back and sees the burly American sitting at the bar. He walks up behind him and whacks him on the head, knocking him out cold.

The Newfie says to the bartender,"When he wakes up eh, tell him that was a fuckin' hockey stick from Canadian Tire."

hee hee....

As always to be continued........

I AM AN OLD FART

I can honestly say I have no idea why...but all day I have had a rhyme running through my head that we used to say all the time as children:

Here I sit broken hearted
Paid a dime and only farted
Yesterday I took a chance
Saved my dime and shit my pants.

When I got thinking about this, it reminded me of those stupid bathrooms when I was growing up...they were in restaurants...sometimes even libraries...and you had to drop a dime in the door to get it to unlock..wonder what moron thought of that...lmao...must have been some tight wad Scrooge...don't even know what made me remember this...

Does this mean I am old?? LOL

We will return to our regularly schedule babbling tomorrow..lol

As always, to be continued.....

FUNNY DQ ADS

hee hee ...these are 2 ads that have been running up here...they make me giggle everytime so wanted to share them...lol...ENJOY!!!











As always, to be continued........

SOS:AFTER THE M.F.H. ENDED PART 6

Welcome all to another edition of SOS. Sorry it is late...but better late than never. For SOS rules or if you want to join in the fun, pop on over to see Kate for all the juicy details and some great stories.

For the beginning of this story, see part 1,part 2,part 3,part 4 and part 5

The day after that first date with Sam I walked

around on cloud nine all day. I spent the entire

day thinking of him...and giggling at absolutely

everything. As day turned to evening, I got the
gremlins settled in bed as quickly as possible

and sat down at the computer hoping he would

come on. I tried to be patient...but the longer

I waited, the more I began to doubt myself.

All the old fears and thoughts came crashing

over me like a huge tidal wave...what if the date

had gone better for me than him...what if Sam

got home and realized he had made a mistake

and never wanted to see me again...what if he

saw me as the big, fat loser I saw when I looked
in the mirror.

After sitting there for awhile torturing myself,

I did what I had learned to do from many years

of hurt and disappointment. I decided then

and there that I wasn't going to trust him...I

wasn't going to put myself out there again and

have my heart smashed,,,it would be better to

just walk away now before I got in deeper and

couldn't get out...yeahhhh ok it sounded like

a good plan...but I was fooling myself because

I was already in over my head.

The more time we spent together, the harder I

fell. I knew that I was falling in love with Sam..

and that felt great but it also scared the shit out

of me... Sam seemed to be feeling the same way

but hadn't said the "L" word yet.

As the days passed, I tried to be patient because

I was determined NOT to say it first....Honestly,

I started to get really pissed( and more than a

little discouraged) because he wouldn't say it

either. It never dawned on me that he was just

as scared as I was to be the first to utter those

words.

Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Sam had

come to see me and I had been in a pissy mood

since the second he walked in the door. Looking

back on this now I can see what a total bitch I was

being....I knew I was being a total boob...but I

was frustrated and unsure and needed him to

vocalize what he was feeling.

He waited until the gremlins were in the bed
asleep before he confronted me. It didn't take

much poking and I sorta lost it. I was so

eloquent....so poetic...so well spoken...

I said, " yeah I'm pissed...I love you god damn

it and you are too stubborn to say it."

Sam sat there shocked into silence...I knew

that I had made a mistake..and feared that this

would be the end of Sam and me...

As always, to be continued(next Sunday)....

THE WICKED OL WITCH IS MELTING

In truly Canadian fashion, the weather has gone from being so chilly we needed pants and sweaters....to being so hot and humid I can barely breathe...in a 48 -freaking hour period.

I have always said, if ya don't like the weather up here just wait 5 minutes and it will change.

I will be back tomorrow with my next SOS installment...just wanted y'all to know either I AM melting...or I have finally "gone to hell" lmaoooooo

As always, to be continued.........

FULL MOON RISING OVER CANADA

Today my thoughts have been on some really stupid news stories making the rounds up here. The big news up here in Canada over the last few days has been related to hockey. One of our main TV networks up here is called CBC. This station carries the NHL games up here. Well y'all know us Canadians loveeeee our hockey eh??? (Actually I could care less if I ever saw a game but it somehow seems unpatriotic to admit that out loud so shhhhhhhh no one tell the gnome ok?? LOL)

Well CBC always has hockey games on Saturday night during hockey season with an opening song that is quite catchy...this song was composed in 1968 and has been used on Saturday nights ever since. The hoopla has come over the last few days when CBC decided that they wouldn't renew the contract for the use of this song. When the gnome told me this, I thought "oh well" and didn't think much about it but there has been quite an outcry. We Canadians are a pretty welcoming and friendly punch of eskimos...but mess with our hockey and you ARE walking on dangerous ground...lol.

The second thing I heard this week that made me shake my head was the story of Tatum O'Neal getting busted for cocaine possession. I felt bad for her...even though she brought it on herself, I still felt at least a little sympathy for her situation UNTIL I was listening to some entertain show (ET Canada maybe??)

Anywayyyy, as I listened, I heard them talking about Ms O'Neal discussing her arrest. Her excuse??? She had recently had to have the family dog put down because it became ill and she was in mourning...I was like omggggggggg please . Yeah I bet the judge will be glad to accept that and let her off with a slap on the wrist...Can anyone say duhhhhhhhh???

Is it a full moon and I just didn't notice??? LOL

As always, to be continued...........

LOVE LETTER FROM A GNOME

I wrote a long post yesterday that I didn't put up..I am still struggling but have been trying to keep most of it to myself in an effort to not scare away the last few readers I have.

As I sat at my desk this morning, drinking my tea, gremlin #2 handed me a "note" that he had found somewhere upstairs. Both gremlins were rooting around last night making a mess upstairs because #2 needed a baby picture to take to school . It is for a slide show or something for his graduation ceremony (which is now less than 3 weeks away...yikes!!)

Anywayyyyyy in the process of looking, one of them had found a note that #1 had written to me at some point. As I read it, it quickly became obvious that she had been trying to make up to me....I must have been yelling at her about something.

The following is a portion of this note:

"Dear Mommy: I am so sorry that I ever lied to you. I love you so much. I am going to change my attitude, I am going to bring all homework home. I am not going to back talk you at all. You can ground me anytime, because I love you. I will give you my money for food or to pay the rent. I am writing this letter because I want you to know that I love you and I would do anything for you. I will always love you with my heart and soul no matter what happens!!
P.S. thank you for being my mother !!"

When I started reading this I started to think "wow I must have really been a bitch cause she was sucking up big time"...then as I continued to read I started to cry....

To have your gremlin tell you they love you unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT...lord knows I probably don't deserve her love but I am so glad I have it anyway...

She is growing up to be such a compassionate and caring young woman...and I can honestly say, the adult she is becoming is INSPITE of me not because of me....

I honestly admit that I have been a bad mother more often than I would like to admit...I have yelled wayyyyy too much and been tolerant wayyyy too little...I have been more like my Mom than I ever wanted to be...but if there is one gift I have tried to give my gremlins, it is this...

I have told them since they were very little that no matter how mad I get...no matter how often I yell, I WILL love them forever and always, no matter what happens!! Guess #2 listened to that at least...

My hope for the future is that my gremlins will make me a grandma someday...and that they will be better parents than I was... I pray that if I see them going down the wrong path, I will be here to gently guide them...without judgement and with lots of love.....cause I do love them enough to only want the very best for them...and certainly want better for them than I have had.....

As always, to be continued.............

TUESDAY FUNNY

John was a salesman's delight when it came to any kind of unusual gimmick. His wife Marsha had long ago given up trying to get him to change.

One day, John came home with another one of his unusual purchases. It was a robot that John claimed was actually a lie detector.

It was just about 5:30 that afternoon when Tommy, their 11 year old son returned home from school. Tommy was over 2 hours late.

'Where have you been? Why are you over 2 hours late gettingHome?', they asked.

'Several of us went to the library to work on an extra credit project said Tommy. The Robot then walked around the table and slapped Tommy, knocking him completely out of his chair.'

Son, this robot is a lie detector, now tell us where you went after school. ''We went to Bobby's house and watched a movie.

''What did you watch?' asked Marsha.' The Ten Commandments.' answered Tommy.The Robot went around to Tommy and once again slapped him, knocking him off his chair. With lip quivering, Tommy got up, sat down and said, 'I am sorry I lied. We really watched a tape called Sex Queen.''

I'm ashamed of you Son,' said John. 'When I was your age, I never lied to my parents.' The robot then walked around to John and delivered a roundhouse right that nearly knocked him out of his chair.

Marsha was bent double laughing, almost in tears. 'Boy, did you ever ask for that one! And you can't be too mad with Tommy. After all, he is your son!'

The Robot immediately walked around to Marsha, and slapped her three times.

As always, to be continued.................

GUEST BLOGGER

Today I am excited (and a bit nervous) to say that I am a guest blogger over at brillig's place. Hop on over there and say hi. They are a great bunch over there. Hopefully I didn't sound like a TOTAL bonehead in my first attempt at guest blogging.

LOL.

As always, to be continued...........

SOS:AFTER THE M.F.H. ENDED PART 5

Hello ev1 and welcome to another edition of Soap Opera Sunday. I am your host today so grab a drink, sit down a spell and relax. For anyone that wants to join in, the linky love is below this post. For rules on how to join the fun, see kate or brillig...cause they rock!!!

I want to start this post with a bit of an apology. I meant to finish this story today and be done with it...but when I started to write it last night, the words seemed to flow and I realized I had a lot more to say than I had originally thought....so there will be a few more installments...lol.

To catch up on this story, read part 1, part 2, part3 and part 4.

The day after that first date with Sam I walked around on cloud nine all day. I spent the entire day thinking of him...and giggling at absolutely everything. As day turned to evening, I got the gremlins settled in bed as quickly as possible and sat down at the computer hoping he would come on. I tried to be patient...but the longer I waited, the more I began to doubt myself. All the old fears and thoughts came crashing over me like a huge tidal wave...what if the date had gone better for me than him...what if Sam got home and realized he had made a mistake and never wanted to see me again...what if he saw me as the big, fat loser I saw when I looked in the mirror.

After sitting there for awhile torturing myself,

I did what I had learned to do from many

years of hurt and disappointment. I decided

then and there that I wasn't going to trust him.

I wasn't going to put myself out there again

and have my heart smashed....it would be

better to just walk away now before I got in

deeper and couldn't get out.

As I sat there taking some deep breaths and

trying to summon the strength to convince

myself that this was the right decision, my

msn beeped and scared me. I shook myself

out of my sad thoughts and took a look to see

who was trying to get my attention....and to

my amazement it was Sam. His message was

four words I shall never forget...

"hey beautiful...miss me?"

Thank god he wasn't there in person because

I immediately started to cry..lol. In an instant,

we picked up where we had left off the

previous evening...talking on msn for hours,

until one or both of us were so tired we were

falling asleep.

From that night on, we talked every night....

at first, just on instant messenger...with

phone calls when we could manage it.

He would come to see me at least once a

week but it was hard for him to make it more

than that...remembering that he lived an

hour away and worked full time...and

honestly, I wasn't ready yet to introduce

him to the gremlins.

I lived for those visits and our time together

online...it lightened my load and made me

feel happier than I had in along time.

It was the first time in a very long time

that I had allowed myself to even consider

that I might be able to love and trust a

man again.

We dated for a couple of weeks (about a

month) then I felt like it was time to have

Sam meet the gremlins. I was falling fast

and hard and knew that this was the next

logical step. I knew that I could never have

a relationship with someone that my gremlins

hated...it just couldn't work. Although I didn't
realize it at the time, I think I was also testing

Sam. Trusting a man was still so very hard for

me....I think I was looking for some flaw in

him...some mistake...and if he wasn't nice to

my gremlins then it would be over before it

began.

The initial meeting was a bit awkward for us

all. I had not had a single date since their FH

had left so they weren't used to dealing with a

man. Sam was uneasy but was really nice to

them both. All in all, it wasn't a bad encounter,

we all came through it okay.

After that, Sam started to include the gremlins

in plans we made. When he came to see us,

we would all watch TV together and in the

summer he would often take us all for a swim.

I really enjoyed those times...and still look

back on them with fondness. I can close my

eyes and see all 4 of us driving down the road

to go for a swim singing Avril Lavigne's

"Complicated"... I felt happy and for the first

time since I was little, I even allowed myself to

feel safe.

I had jumped in with both feet and started to

give my heart. I could feel old wounds start to

heal over . Of course, as is often the case in

my life the road was about to get bumpy with

some pretty good sized pot holes....had I made

a mistake letting Sam in?? The events that

happened next made me rethink my feelings

and pull back. I had trusted Sam with not only

my heart but my gremlins and they would miss

him too...but I knew I had to follow my heart

and suddenly, it was telling me to runnnn....

As always, to be continued (next week).......