Sunday, June 1, 2008

SOS:AFTER THE M.F.H. ENDED PART 5


Hello ev1 and welcome to another edition of Soap Opera Sunday. I am your host today so grab a drink, sit down a spell and relax. For anyone that wants to join in, the linky love is below this post. For rules on how to join the fun, see kate or brillig...cause they rock!!!
I want to start this post with a bit of an apology. I meant to finish this story today and be done with it...but when I started to write it last night, the words seemed to flow and I realized I had a lot more to say than I had originally thought....so there will be a few more installments...lol.
To catch up on this story, read part 1, part 2, part3 and part 4.

The day after that first date with Sam I walked around on cloud nine all day. I spent the entire day thinking of him...and giggling at absolutely everything. As day turned to evening, I got the gremlins settled in bed as quickly as possible and sat down at the computer hoping he would come on. I tried to be patient...but the longer I waited, the more I began to doubt myself. All the old fears and thoughts came crashing over me like a huge tidal wave...what if the date had gone better for me than him...what if Sam got home and realized he had made a mistake and never wanted to see me again...what if he saw me as the big, fat loser I saw when I looked in the mirror.
After sitting there for awhile torturing myself,
I did what I had learned to do from many
years of hurt and disappointment. I decided
then and there that I wasn't going to trust him.
I wasn't going to put myself out there again
and have my heart smashed....it would be
better to just walk away now before I got in
deeper and couldn't get out.
As I sat there taking some deep breaths and
trying to summon the strength to convince
myself that this was the right decision, my
msn beeped and scared me. I shook myself
out of my sad thoughts and took a look to see
who was trying to get my attention....and to
my amazement it was Sam. His message was
four words I shall never forget...
"hey beautiful...miss me?"
Thank god he wasn't there in person because
I immediately started to cry..lol. In an instant,
we picked up where we had left off the
previous evening...talking on msn for hours,
until one or both of us were so tired we were
falling asleep.
From that night on, we talked every night....
at first, just on instant messenger...with
phone calls when we could manage it.
He would come to see me at least once a
week but it was hard for him to make it more
than that...remembering that he lived an
hour away and worked full time...and
honestly, I wasn't ready yet to introduce
him to the gremlins.
I lived for those visits and our time together
online...it lightened my load and made me
feel happier than I had in along time.
It was the first time in a very long time
that I had allowed myself to even consider
that I might be able to love and trust a
man again.

We dated for a couple of weeks (about a
month) then I felt like it was time to have
Sam meet the gremlins. I was falling fast
and hard and knew that this was the next
logical step. I knew that I could never have
a relationship with someone that my gremlins
hated...it just couldn't work. Although I didn't
realize it at the time, I think I was also testing
Sam. Trusting a man was still so very hard for
me....I think I was looking for some flaw in
him...some mistake...and if he wasn't nice to
my gremlins then it would be over before it
began.
The initial meeting was a bit awkward for us
all. I had not had a single date since their FH
had left so they weren't used to dealing with a
man. Sam was uneasy but was really nice to
them both. All in all, it wasn't a bad encounter,
we all came through it okay.
After that, Sam started to include the gremlins
in plans we made. When he came to see us,
we would all watch TV together and in the
summer he would often take us all for a swim.
I really enjoyed those times...and still look
back on them with fondness. I can close my
eyes and see all 4 of us driving down the road
to go for a swim singing Avril Lavigne's
"Complicated"... I felt happy and for the first
time since I was little, I even allowed myself to
feel safe.
I had jumped in with both feet and started to
give my heart. I could feel old wounds start to
heal over . Of course, as is often the case in
my life the road was about to get bumpy with
some pretty good sized pot holes....had I made
a mistake letting Sam in?? The events that
happened next made me rethink my feelings
and pull back. I had trusted Sam with not only
my heart but my gremlins and they would miss
him too...but I knew I had to follow my heart
and suddenly, it was telling me to runnnn....
As always, to be continued (next week).......

3 comments:

Palm Springs Savant said...

wow I do have a lot of catching up to do!

Jessica G. said...

Oh, I like Sam...I hope doesn't sprout horns and attempt to sacrifice you to the pagan gods in the next segment!

Goofball said...

run? really? ooooh to bad, all seemed to go fine.