Thursday, June 5, 2008


I wrote a long post yesterday that I didn't put up..I am still struggling but have been trying to keep most of it to myself in an effort to not scare away the last few readers I have.

As I sat at my desk this morning, drinking my tea, gremlin #2 handed me a "note" that he had found somewhere upstairs. Both gremlins were rooting around last night making a mess upstairs because #2 needed a baby picture to take to school . It is for a slide show or something for his graduation ceremony (which is now less than 3 weeks away...yikes!!)

Anywayyyyyy in the process of looking, one of them had found a note that #1 had written to me at some point. As I read it, it quickly became obvious that she had been trying to make up to me....I must have been yelling at her about something.

The following is a portion of this note:

"Dear Mommy: I am so sorry that I ever lied to you. I love you so much. I am going to change my attitude, I am going to bring all homework home. I am not going to back talk you at all. You can ground me anytime, because I love you. I will give you my money for food or to pay the rent. I am writing this letter because I want you to know that I love you and I would do anything for you. I will always love you with my heart and soul no matter what happens!!
P.S. thank you for being my mother !!"

When I started reading this I started to think "wow I must have really been a bitch cause she was sucking up big time"...then as I continued to read I started to cry....

To have your gremlin tell you they love you unconditionally NO MATTER WHAT...lord knows I probably don't deserve her love but I am so glad I have it anyway...

She is growing up to be such a compassionate and caring young woman...and I can honestly say, the adult she is becoming is INSPITE of me not because of me....

I honestly admit that I have been a bad mother more often than I would like to admit...I have yelled wayyyyy too much and been tolerant wayyyy too little...I have been more like my Mom than I ever wanted to be...but if there is one gift I have tried to give my gremlins, it is this...

I have told them since they were very little that no matter how mad I matter how often I yell, I WILL love them forever and always, no matter what happens!! Guess #2 listened to that at least...

My hope for the future is that my gremlins will make me a grandma someday...and that they will be better parents than I was... I pray that if I see them going down the wrong path, I will be here to gently guide them...without judgement and with lots of love.....cause I do love them enough to only want the very best for them...and certainly want better for them than I have had.....

As always, to be continued.............


Biddie said...

I swear, I here yesterday..Did blogger eat my comment???
Kayla used to send me notes all of the time. Most of the time she wsa apologizing for something. They usually had a multiple choice
Are you still mad
Then I had to check the little box beside the choice. LOL
I still find those scattered around the house.
Jessicas grade 8 graduation is coming up and every year they make a slide show of baby photos. Since all three of my girls have had the same gr 8 teacher, I know what is coming...Be prepared to cry! Jessie is my last baby and I know that I will lose it!
I am more like my Mum then I have wanted to be, too. The difference (for me) is that I will never abandon them, never stop loving them, and they know it.
So do your kids :)

Phoenix5 said...

I think that your gremlins have turned out they way they have BECAUSE of you, not in spite like you put it! I think that because you've told them that even though you yell, you stll love them, that they have responded to that and you are now seeing the results!

It reminds me of a note that my oldest, J, left for me. I had given her some real grief about her lack of motivation and about how her homework and piano lessons weren't being done every night. During my tirade, I used my own Dad's dreaded line "You have so much potential if you would just knuckle down and USE it!"

Later I found a note that read "Dad, thanks for believing in me. I'll try to do better at practising my piano lessons and doing my homework! I love you!"

I just about broke down! Obviously we are doing SOMETHING right! LOL!

Have a great weekend, my friend!