Monday, June 9, 2008


Welcome all to another edition of SOS. Sorry it is late...but better late than never. For SOS rules or if you want to join in the fun, pop on over to see Kate for all the juicy details and some great stories.

For the beginning of this story, see part 1,part 2,part 3,part 4 and part 5

The day after that first date with Sam I walked
around on cloud nine all day. I spent the entire
day thinking of him...and giggling at absolutely
everything. As day turned to evening, I got the
gremlins settled in bed as quickly as possible
and sat down at the computer hoping he would
come on. I tried to be patient...but the longer
I waited, the more I began to doubt myself.

All the old fears and thoughts came crashing
over me like a huge tidal wave...what if the date
had gone better for me than him...what if Sam
got home and realized he had made a mistake
and never wanted to see me again...what if he
saw me as the big, fat loser I saw when I looked
in the mirror.

After sitting there for awhile torturing myself,
I did what I had learned to do from many years
of hurt and disappointment. I decided then
and there that I wasn't going to trust him...I
wasn't going to put myself out there again and
have my heart smashed,,,it would be better to
just walk away now before I got in deeper and
couldn't get out...yeahhhh ok it sounded like
a good plan...but I was fooling myself because
I was already in over my head.

The more time we spent together, the harder I
fell. I knew that I was falling in love with Sam..
and that felt great but it also scared the shit out
of me... Sam seemed to be feeling the same way
but hadn't said the "L" word yet.

As the days passed, I tried to be patient because
I was determined NOT to say it first....Honestly,
I started to get really pissed( and more than a
little discouraged) because he wouldn't say it
either. It never dawned on me that he was just
as scared as I was to be the first to utter those
Finally, I couldn't take it anymore. Sam had
come to see me and I had been in a pissy mood
since the second he walked in the door. Looking
back on this now I can see what a total bitch I was
being....I knew I was being a total boob...but I
was frustrated and unsure and needed him to
vocalize what he was feeling.

He waited until the gremlins were in the bed
asleep before he confronted me. It didn't take
much poking and I sorta lost it. I was so well spoken...

I said, " yeah I'm pissed...I love you god damn
it and you are too stubborn to say it."

Sam sat there shocked into silence...I knew
that I had made a mistake..and feared that this
would be the end of Sam and me...

As always, to be continued(next Sunday)....


Goofball said...

well...glad that it came out eventually. So what did he say? I don't think you made a mistake. I am optimistic that it was good to speak up. Don't tell me I am wrong next week!

Phoenix5 said...

Once again, here I am dangling off the edge of a cliff... you do that so well to me! You had BETTER post the next episode this weekend, my friend!!!

Isn't it crazy how we can completely tie ourselves up in knots over nothing? Just because we think too much! I keep looking for the off switch to my brain...