I'M BACKKKKKKKK....I THINK

Wow what a week. I think I might actually be back among the land of the "computer living"...although I am not completely sure yet. This last week with NO computer...no way to blog...and 2 gremlins at home driving me crazy has not been my finest hour. I think I am ready to run away and never come back...but that is an entirely different post....lol.

So last Monday, I posted a quick Merry Christmas post and then unhooked this stupid machine so the gnome could take it to work with him. It was seriously screwed up and we were hoping against hope that the tech guy at his work might be able to find something small that needed to be fixed...hahahaha whatever made me think that my luck would change...I must have been smokin something that isn't quite legal...lol.

So after looking at it half the day, techman still couldn't find the problem and of course it was Christmas eve so he was leaving early. No worries I said, it was Christmas and I appreciated his help. We had a busy Christmas eve and Christmas day so I was fully entertained...until about 4pm. We had spent the afternoon with my sister and then Mom which was really nice...but then had to drop off the gremlins at FH's house for 2 days...

When we got home, reality set in.....Christmas was over...there was no gremlins to fight with and no computer to blog on...so now what?!?!?! Luckily the next day(the 26th), FH decided he didn't want the gremlins around anymore and called to ask us to go get them. I was glad to have them back home safe again and away from his clutches...

On Thursday, I was supposed to go back to work so my panic over the sick computer kicked into overdrive....remember I need this beast for my work. By midafternoon, I got the word that although techman thought he knew what was going on, he couldn't fix it until the next day....wooooohoooo I couldn't WAIT to call my boss and tell him I couldn't work (yes people that IS sarcasm...lol). I knew he was gonna be pissed but what can ya do eh??? He wasn't too bad but was nice enough to remind me that Canadian labour laws state that since I missed my first scheduled shift after the holiday, I forfeited the holiday pay I was entitled to for Christmas...yeahhhhhh Happy New Year to you too Mr Bossman fucktard!!!

Well, techman finally got the computer back to me on Friday afternoon....20 minutes before my shift was supposed to start. Unfortunately, they had to wipe out everything and reload windows...which meant I had 20 minutes to reload software for my internet connection and the program I needed for work...oh yeah baby, bossman loved me even more when I called him to tell him I was gonna be late starting work...bet I get "employee of the month" for this week...lmaoooooo.

But all is well that ends well.....I am still trying to get this computer to do what I want...for some reason, I can't get any sound when I try to play a movie...and this one has me stumped. The DVD will play....I can see the picture...but no sound at all...I can get sound on my game site and other sites but not when I try to play a DVD....is totally weird....

Anyone got an answer for that one??? Can any computer wizard solve this mystery??? Maybe I need Scooby Doo and the gang to help me out????

Either way, it is great to be back....I have missed you all and will be stopping in over the next day or 2 to catch up...lots of love to you all.....

As always, to be continued............

MERRY CHRISTMAS EV1

MERRY CHRISTMAS EV1...

I haven't been around to post the last few days because my computer has been sick. I still can't figure out what is wrong with it (java is corrupt or some such fiddle faddle..lol). Of course, this WOULD happen at Christmas time when we can't even get it in to get it looked at. This is adding to my stress level a bit because I need the computer for my work...thus, no computer, no work!! My employment contract states that if the computer dies, I have 1 week to fix or replace it or I am terminated....ughhhhhhhhhhhhh.

Anyway, I just wanted to pop on and wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year. My thoughts and prayers are with you all...I love you all and wish only the best for you in the coming year.

I hope Santa is good to you all.........

As always, to be continued...............

TO THE DOCTOR WE DID GO

Today is one of those days when I have thoughts swirling in my head and I can't seem to organize them. I will ramble on and hopefully some of it will make sense.

The gremlins and I all had doctors appointments today. Since our doctors are an hour away in our old hometown , I try to organize it so we can do it all at once (which is often tricky because the offices are on opposite ends of the city).

First up today was me...good news was that my blood sugars overall are much better and are somewhat controlled... bad news is that my chlorestorol is still bad and I have to start some new meds to help control it ( grrrrrrrr more pills)...also the doctor still feels like I am high risk for heart attack so yet another flipping pill...bluckkkkkkkk......

I was glad that this appointment rolled around because I have been fighting off a cold for 2 weeks now...turns out I have a sinus infection...hellooooooooo antibiotics..lol.

With many prescriptions in hand, off we went to the gremlins' pediatrician. It was supposed to be a normal quickie check to get refills for their meds (for their ADHD). Gremlin #2 was fine...he has put on some weight and is tall for his age...glad he is growing up instead of "out".

Then comes gremlin #1...I worry about this girl. She is 15...almost 5'4" and only weighs 97 lbs. This isn't anorexic or anything, but because of her age and the meds she is on, the doctor is concerned. We are going tomorrow for some blood work because the doc is worried that she might be anemic and might also have thyroid disease (which my twin and I BOTH have...along with other family members). Of course, neither of these conditions are fatal...but they aren't "nothing" either and as the momma bear it IS my job to worry...that is why I get the big bucks after all..lol.

Gremlin#1 has also had to deal with some very adult issues over the last few days. After we moved, she lost touch with almost all of her friends except one special friend M. They have managed to keep in touch and I have tried to encourage this because I truly like M, and I can tell how much they love each other....it fills my heart with joy whenever they get to spend some time together.

On the weekend, M emailed gremlin to let her know that a friend of hers had been in a serious car accident and was not doing well. M tried to call gremlin but we weren't home. She was crying on the message and it just broke my heart. I tried my best to reassure gremlin that M's friend would be fine...and that we would pray for her.

Monday morning gremlin got another email from M. It seems the friend , who was just 16, had slipped into a coma, had a massive stroke and died. M is beside herself with grief and of course, gremlin feels totally helpless. This is really the first time gremlin has had to see death in someone so close to her own age and it has unnerved her, as well as me.

Again, this has made the "momma bear" in me kick in. I am so very proud of gremlin for the compassion and love she shows M...but like every momma, this tragedy makes me wanna grab ahold of my gremlins and never let them go...I can't even imagine baring such an unbelievable loss.....

On a side note, our f*cking van has decided to be a moron this week. A few days ago, the windshield wipers stopped working and of course, with all the bad winter weather we couldn't let it go. I had hoped it would be something small..and it was...some small chip board thingy...$250 later it was fixed..and all I could say was fuckkkkkkkkkkk....of course, we aren't ready for christmas and are totally 'robbing paul to pay peter' so this expense didn't help at all...

I thought I should warn the gremlins ahead of time that there won't be alot under the tree. We have never been able to go hog wild anyway, but I still felt bad. As soon as gremlin #1 got home from school, I told her what had happened and promptly started to cry...her response (and I quote)

" It's okay Mom, Christmas is supposed to be about giving, not receiving anyway."

When gremlin #2 got home, he said the same thing, almost word for word.....

It surely does make a momma bear proud to have such fine youngins.....

As always, to be continued...................

WINTER WONDERLAND??

Here I sit, watching it snow yet again!!

I have read a few posts recently where people are talking about the weather (or complaining about it...). I have tried to refrain from these types of posts because ya know "us Canadians are built for winter" (hmmm maybe we were rednecks in our past lives??)

Recently, one post said "to shut up and suck it up" if we were getting snow in Canada....I don't read that blog anymore...I left with a big "fuck you" cause I can whine if I want...lmaoooooo.

Anyway, I was talking with Burfica when the snow started again, so I went out to take some pics so y'all can see how purdyyyyy it is...lol . Actually I wanted you to see how MUCH there is..lmao... ENJOY!!!!

This is the view when ya step out my front door...nice big snowbanks :

This is supposed to be our driveway...I am sure it is under there somewhere..lol :

This is our front yard...or it used to be...lol :

these are across the street...the snow piles keep growing...:

A view of the side yard. It is hard to see in this pic, but there are drifts here that are up to my waist. I got stuck on the weekend, trying to get to the bird feeder...lmao:

This is the side yard again taken from my window...soooo much snow there...

If anyone wants a white christmas, let me know. We have more coming over the next few days. I can box some up and fed-ex it out..lmao.

As always, to be continued (even if I get buried alive...lol).....

FUNNY COMMERCIALS

This is what happens when it is 4am...your gnome won't stop snoring so you can sleep.....your favourite game site http://www.pogo.com/ goes down for maintenance....and there is nothing to watch on TV....

You are forced to surf youtube and this is what you can find :




lmaooooooooooooooooo

As always, to be continued......................

PRAYER REQUEST

Happy Monday all....

I had a funny that I was planning on posting tonight...then I read this. I would ask that anyone that believes in the power of prayers....or even sending good thoughts...please do so for brillig's family...I think they could use the prayers/good thoughts now ....

Reading that post reminded me of the day I found out what my dear gremlins were in for with a learning disability...of course it was nothing compared to autism...but for me, the diagnosis was still very scary...

This story is sort of timely with the "marriage from hell" post from yesterday. When I was with FH I knew something wasn't right with him but no one seemed to be able to tell me what...when he was young, ev1 told his parents he was retarded...but I knew that wasn't the case, it was something else. I was still in my stupid "love him" phase so I pushed to get him help and get tested...I remember the day we got the results exactly...it was March 14th, 1992. I know this because the following day was my due date with gremlin #1...I was soooo ready to get that gremlin out of me..lol.

Anyway, the specialist wouldn't give us the results over the phone . When we got to the office, they sat us down and let me have it....FH had severe ADHD although as an adult he wasn't hyperactive anymore of course. As they told me what this was...what it all meant...I remember thinking that I had just been knocked over the head...then they dropped the bomb that this disorder was genetic...My first instinct was to scream at FH and cut his balls off...but of course, none of it was his fault...

OK OK at this point I will now state that I completely understand that this was not a death sentence...and that it could have been soooo much worse...but remember I said I was 9 months pregnant...I was totally sick...and I was already scared shitless about giving birth...so this news was not what I needed at this particular moment in my life...

The road had not been an easy one...I am grateful for both of my dear gremlins and I love them with everything I got...unconditionally and forever!! I am so blessed that for the most part they are healthy...and I thank God for that....

That being said, when someone gives me a "suck it up" speech, I wanna punch their teeth in...I love my babies and they deserve as good a life as anyone else...and it breaks my heart to know they will always have to struggle just to get by......and until you have been a single mom of a gremlin with ADHD you have NO idea how hard it is...the battles that I have had to go through with the schools...the teachers I have had to scream at (actually that is one of the fun parts...hee hee hee) ..the nights I have been reduced to tears trying to get one of my gremlins to understand homework that is so simple for other kids and they just can't grasp it no matter how hard they try.....

Anyway, as hard and scary as it has been, I would do it again in a heart beat and I still live it everyday...somedays ,I don't know where I will get the strength to continue fighting...but I do...I would walk through fire for those gremlins. This isn't the life I envisioned when I was younger and wanted kids, but I wouldn't give them back for anything...so I will have their backs and just keeping loving them. Although I am not as patient as I should be, I keep trying to do better and I remind them everyday how much I love them...and that I always will.

I think the hardest thing to live with is that I feel guilty...if I had chosen better than maybe they could have had a better life...but then, they wouldn't be the gremlins they are, and that would surely be a loss for this world. I worry what will happen one day when I can't take care of them anymore....but I pray hard and try to keep the faith, I guess that is all any of us can do....

As always, to be continued..................

SOS: THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL PART 2

Welcome all to another Soap opera Sunday.... I started this story last Sunday and although it might not be considered "soapy"...it is a story I've have needed to tell for a long time. I started writing a bit of it last Sunday, and it just poured out of me...I sat and wrote for over 2 hours...so soapy or not...here is part 2 of THE MARRIAGE FROM HELL. Stop in to see brillig or kate for SOS rules and this week's host is thalia's child

When last we spoke, I was in the marriage from hell…..you can read part one here.....

As I said before, this marriage was difficult from the beginning.

The following March, gremlin #1 turned 2 but luckily she was still young enough that she wasn’t really aware of the tension in our home, or at least she didn't understand it.....by this time, it was just a normal part of our lives. By the time we reached our first anniversary, FH and I spent our days either fighting or not talking at all. I cried myself to sleep more than once, praying that he would just leave but knowing he never would…and I didn’t have the strength or courage to escape.

Finally, I came to the decision that I had ‘made my bed” so I had to suck it up and just try to make the best of it.

Keeping in mind that SOS IS g-rated, I will spare you the details. It is enough to say that for the most part, there was very little intimacy , meaning no longer any interest on my part and only VERY little “pity” sex.

By Christmas of 1993, I was constantly feeling run down and sick all the time. After a few weeks of this, I decided I better see my doctor. I was more than a little scared, but just kept reminding myself that I WAS on the pill and I could count on one hand the number of times we had been “friendly”. By the time I saw my doctor, my period was a few weeks late and I was freaking out. Luckily, the pregnancy test was negative and I cried tears of relief. The doctor assured me that my period was late because I was just so stressed out. His advice was to just “forget about it and chill out”. He put the nausea and vomiting down to a combination of stress and possibly a stomach virus. The doc continued by reminding me that the chances of my getting pregnant while on the pill were very slim…so I felt reassured.

Once I could stop crying and could breathe again, I walked home. I still remember that day like it was yesterday. It was freezing cold and gremlin #1 was all bundled up. As I walked her home, I said a very long prayer of thanks. It wasn’t that I didn’t want another gremlin……but I knew that it would have made things worse. I was already miserable and stressed. I felt like I already had two children because FH was so totally immature and useless.

That day, I felt like I had been given a “break” or a do-over and I was relieved. I knew I needed to be more careful and I had even less of a desire to “pity” FH. From this point on, if he wouldn’t sleep on the couch, I would. As determined as I was to live with my choices and make this life work for the gremlin, I knew that FH would NEVER touch me again…I WAS DONE thinking about his needs...I would take care of my gremlin and try to simply make the best of a bad situation.

From this point on, I kept a strong and determined attitude. FH was never the sharpest pencil in the box, so he didn’t clue in when I started sleeping on the couch. Finally, I told him that I had NO interest in ever sharing a bed with him again. Being the selfish jerk he was, there was more than one attempt made to try to change my mind..including one night that he came very close to raping me…but I remained firm. I knew I had made the right decision and I certainly didn’t miss him in the slightest. I put my energy into taking care of the gremlin and trying to be civil with FH thinking that was the best I could manage.

By march of 1994, I was still not feeling better physically and had missed 2 menstral cycles (almost 3 actually). I was worried but had already had two pregnancy tests come back negative so I was beginning to think that something else might be wrong with me. The doctor was still putting it all down to stress but decided to do some blood work to just double check that everything was ok. He reassured me again that everything was okay and it was simply a precaution.

By this time I had shared with him that my marriage was in trouble and my fears that another gremlin would just add fuel to the fire. He was very supportive and comforting which calmed my nerves.

I spent the next week on pins and needles, trying not to over react, but still very worried. Finally, near the end of that week, my prayers were answered and my period finally came. I was so happy that all I could do was sit down and cry. Waves of relief washed over me and I said many prayers of thanks. I again believed that I have been given a reprieve and I would take this "scare" very seriously. I knew it wasn't going to happen again because FH had given up and accepted that there would be no more intimacy.

I hugged my dear sweet baby gremlin and thanked God ...and went about my day with a lighter heart.

It was that very afternoon that I would get a call that would change my life forever..........

As always, to be continued.............