Sunday, October 14, 2007

SOS - MAX SUCKS!!!

Hi all and welcome to another edition of Soap Opera Sunday. Stop by and see brillig for the rules if you want to join in....she and Kate are the great masterminds, but Kate is MIA this week (due to a move.... you are missed Kate so hurry back).

If you missed the beginng of this story, here is part 1...part 2..and part 3.

When last we spoke, I had just found out that Max and T were now an item. Of course this would be a painful experience for any young girl that had just had her heart ripped out of her chest....but remember that T was my fraternal twin sister...talk about a double whammy.

I couldn't decide who I was madder at... T for stealing Max or me for letting myself believe I had a chance with him in the first place. As was so often the case in my life, this just reinforced how I had always felt about myself...a fat loser that was destined to be alone forever ( feelings that would lead me down the wrong road as an adult, but that is an entirely different post).

The coming days and weeks were hard ones...as Max and T became closer, I became more and more miserable. At the time, my immature mind believed it was all about Max....that I loved him..that my life would never be the same now that I had lost him... but looking back now I realize it was more about the fact that I was loosing T(and I can now admit to myself that Max had never BEEN mine to lose in the first place) . We were twins and to that point we had been inseparable...we did everything together and spent ALL our time together. Suddenly, she had no time for me and I was all alone. I didn't have any friends of my own so I was left to fend for myself with no one to comfort me . I was adrift and felt completely lost and T didn't even seem to notice...if she did, there was no indication that she cared.

Finally after a few weeks of suffering in silence, I completely lost it and yelled at T. It was like a dam burst and everything came flying out...honestly I was so distraught and frustrated that I don't even remember what I told her..except for one thing...the last thing I told her was that I didn't know how she could sleep at night...she was in the room right next to me and I KNOW she has heard me cry myself to sleep more than once...and she never came to see if I was ok...

I hoped that someday I could forgive that but I knew I would NEVER forget how much that hurt me....

Something I said must have hit a nerve, because the next day T and Max asked me to go with them for a swim...I remember the day clearly because of my immediate fear of Max seeing me in a swimming suit. I lied and said that I had my period so I couldn't swim...but T convinced me to come along and spend the afternoon with them.

Why does the term "out of the frying pan ...into the fire" come to mind??? Possibly because I went from being all alone with no one...to spending most of my days being a 3rd wheel..watching Max and T together (and they were NOT shy about forgetting I was there and sucking face infront of me).

This lasted for a few weeks before I realized I could take no more of this....it was , in a word, torture. I started to make excuses about plans I had made, mostly with imaginary friends...or I would just be gone when Max showed up and they would leave without me, not really giving me a second thought.

Finally they seemed to decide that they liked NOT having a 3rd wheel around...and went back to ignoring me...and I went back to suffering in lonely silence.

Max and T stayed together for quite a long time...and eventually I adjusted.... I was still lonely and missed the time I had spent with T growing up...but like everything else in my life, I gritted through and survived.

This whole story was a painful chapter in my life...that occurred at a time in my life that was already filled with turmoil and pain....

As with most things that have happened to me, I try to look back and think of what life lesson I got from it....from this, I learned that I could stand on my own...that I could get through without having to lean on T...and that being lonely isn't the worst thing in the world. These lessons have served me well in my life..... thanks for tuning in and taking the time to read my life stories.

As always, to be continued......................

10 comments:

soccer mom in denial said...

Oh.... my sons are twins. I so hope this doesn't happen in our family.

I'm dying to find out how you two resolved this.

Thalia's Child said...

Aw. I totally an relate with the fat ugly girl syndrome. :(

I'm looking forward to seeing how you adapted.

Secret Agent Mama said...

I'm with TC, I can totally relate to that! I need for it to be next Sunday right now!

Luisa Perkins said...

Oh, how awful! Being a third wheel is the WORST.

Dedee said...

Third wheel is the worst!

Brillig said...

Awwww, CF. That would be so, SO rough! Being a third wheel is hard enough. Being a third wheel when you like the guy is a thousand times worse. Ick!!! It sounds like such a difficult time!

Phoenix5 said...

Ouch! I can relate too, believe it or not. I was a lot older, and my brother was 2 years younger than me, but a girl I was interested in seemed to enjoy my company until I found out she "went out" with me to get to know my brother better, since he always was tagging along. They eventually got married, and it didn't take long after that for me to realize that she and I were just NOT compatible! It sure hurts at the time, but everything happens for a reason.

Great writing Flake, as usual!

Fourier Analyst said...

Why is it that the important lessons, like how to be alone, seem so painful to learn? I,too, can't wait to hear how you resolved this with your sister. Great SOS!

Julie Wright said...

oh third wheel life sucks. This similar thing happened to me with my roommate in college who'd been my best friend since seventh grade. How well I remember the day I was bawling in our dorm room and she came in to get her coat to go on her date. She looked at me, asked, "Are you okay?" when I said no, she kind of shrugged and said, "You need to get out more." then she left. That was all her compassion. I'll see you again on Sunday.

Goofball said...

Well you seem to take it as a lesson from which you learned, but it must have been rather painful :(. Heartaches are very hard to come over with, feelings of betrayal and loneliness as well. It sucks, even if we learn a lesson from it.

Hope you don't feel third wheel anymore and hope your relationship with T is much better again!