CALMING DREAMS

Today was a much better day...even the weather decided to co operate and give us a break from all the rain we have been getting.

We went to see my Mom tonight which I always am glad to do....moved away 3 years ago and I still miss her every day as much as I did then.

We are all adjusting to life without Sylvester....although it is hard...but something happened last night that has helped me a lot.

Since we put him down I have been feeling soooooo guilty....the gnome wanted to go to the vet a week ago but I kept stalling because I really didn't think it was anything serious and I didn't want to get roped into spending alot of money that we really can't afford....so of course my first thoughts were that we might have saved him if I had gone right away. The vet assured me that this isn't the case but I have still felt bad....couldn't help thinking what iffff......

Anyway, last night in the middle of the night I felt a soft kitty resting against my side and purring loudly....I reached out to pet Tigger assuming he was there only to find there was nothing there....I got up to go to the bathroom and saw Tigger upstairs so I assumed I had just been dreaming.

When I got back to bed I couldn't sleep...it had seemed so real and vivid. The more I thought about it, the more I came to believe that it was Sylvester laying with me as I slept. He knew that I have been missing him but also been torturing myself with guilt over him....I honestly believe that he came to be with me for a bit...so I would know that he is okay and happy now in heaven. When he went to sleep that last day I told him to go to heaven and reassured him that it would be okay...that Bootsie would be there waiting for him to take care of him until I could be there to take care of them both when it is my time to see them again one day....

It may seem odd to some.....but it has given me some peace today....I miss him still and have cried again today....and will prolly cry again at some point tomorrow...maybe even the next day too...but at least I feel calmer knowing him loved me enough to come back and let me know he is okay....that helps a great deal.

As always, to be continued.......

TIRED AND MISSING MY BABY

Still sad and still trying to deal with missing my baby....but still loving the new laptop. In a few days I will have a new router that should allow me to go online while laying comfortably in bed ..been waiting along time for this machine.

We are all hanging in there...I hardly slept last night and when I did, I dreamt about Sylvester...I saw him wondering around looking lost...and meowing as if calling out for me...or perhaps for his brother Tigger.

Poor Tigger keeps wondering around looking for him....as if he is hiding and waiting to pounce as he always did....it makes me cry over and over again...

More tomorrow...going to try to get some rest and forget for awhile...

As always, to be continued..................TI

BROKEN HEART

Today we are all feeling very sad here. I haven't posted in months and I am sure no one comes to read this anymore but I need to type and vent. A few months ago, at the end of April, we lost our dear sweet bootsie....and I still miss her every single day. She wasn't just a cat...she was a beloved member of our family for 19 years...She had a good long life and it was sad to see her go but we knew it was time to send her to heaven where she could be free and without pain.

I had my mind made up that we wouldn't get any more pets...because we all get so attached and I am the one that has to deal with all the bad stuff and everything that comes with that. We only lasted a few weeks and we had two lovely kittens come into our life that were barn cats and needed a caring home.....so of course I caved and we took them both. We have only had them for about 7 weeks...

Today we had to take Sylvester to the vet. He has been having some problems for about a week now...and we were worried we were feeding him the wrong food or something. We were in NO way prepared for the diagnosis we received. It turns out the poor little guy had a misformed bowel from birth and there was nothing they could do to save him. He was starting to suffer (which is why we took him to the vet) and she told us that his pain would only increase until he suffered a painful death...which we could not allow.

She assured us that death was certain...and that he would only get worse so we were forced to do the only humane thing and put him to sleep. As I sit here typing, my heart is broken...and I am once again crying. I only had a few short months with him....but I loved him with every ounce of love in my heart and I shall miss him forever and always...

We made the only decision that we could for a family member we will love for all time...but that doesn't make it an easy one does it?

The only good news of the weekend is that we finally bought a laptop last night...my hernia has gotten so bad that I can't go on the desktop because it kills me to even sit there for a few minutes...hopefully this will be the answer...keeping my fingers crossed that having some access to the internet again will improve my mindset...although today hasn't helped at all to be sure...

I will be back again....have sooooooooo much to share but no energy to do it right now...

Not as always.,..but eventually, to be continued..lol

R.I.P MY FRIENDS

This week has been a long, hard one for us . Tuesday night as I waited for the gnome to get home from bowling the phone rang and I saw it was my Mom's number calling. As I reached to answer, I said a quick prayer that she was okay (as loosing her is among my greatest fears). She was calling to tell me that my Uncle had a massive heart attack and was dead. It has come as a shock to us all. He was only 64 and there wasn't really any warning this was coming...but I am glad he went quickly and didn't linger on.

Last night was his wake. It wasn't easy but I am really glad I was able to go. It was good to see everyone even though it was for such a tragic occasion.

Today was a day that I had been dreading for a long time. My dearest friend is the world has gone to heaven to be an angel (next to the gnome of course).

Bootsie was 19 years old and was the best pet I could have ever asked for. She came to me when she was only a few weeks old because some sicko threw her in the snow bank and left her to die. I came across her and took her in. It was certainly their loss because she was a devoted and loving friend until the very end. Unfortunately, her health took a turn over the last few days and I couldn't let her suffer. I loved her way too much to see her continue, so today I took her to the vet and ended her pain.

Heaven has 2 more angels this week....and my heart is broken.

I love you Uncle John...and to my dear sweet Bootsie, I will think of you every day and love you forever. We will be together again one day, so wait for me in heaven my friend.

As always, to be continued.........................

A QUICK HOWDY

I don't know where the time goes....I can't believe I haven't posted in 2 months. I honestly have meant to....the days just seem to slip away from me...guess that is a sign of old age..lmao.

Things are chugging along here...I am still working at the dollar store and that has really helped things a lot. Getting out of the house has made a big difference (as I figured it would..lol). As with every job, it has it's ups and downs...it isn't always easy dealing with fellow co-workers and their moods...but overall there are more ups than downs...so that it is for the best!!!

The gremlins and gnome are all doing well. Gremlin #1 will be 17 on the 26th of this month. The same day is my bday too but my old age isn't even worth mentioning...lol. I don't know where the years go...it's so hard to believe that my little gremlin will be 17......it seems like just yesterday I was sitting in the living room with her and #2 listening to Barney and begging for 5 minutes of peace and quiet...which I never did manage to get...lmao.

Well if anyone does come to read this, I will be back again soon. I do promise not to be gone quite so long this time...

My thoughts, prayers and love are with you all...

As always, to be continued...........

BELATED HAPPY 2009

Wowzers....I can't believe how long it has been since I have posted here. I do not know where the time since Christmas has gone.

First, let me send out best wishes to anyone that stops in to read this....I hope you are all having a wonderful and healthy 2009. So far, this year is getting off to a MUCH better start than 2008 did (although I find it hard to believe it could have been that much worse...lol).

I am still working at the dollar store thank GOD and that has made such a huge difference in my life. I have felt sort of guilty because I have been getting hours weekly and the other xmas girl they hired isn't getting any hours at all....but then I remind myself that this job has been my life line and for that reason, I need the hours more than she ever could.

I work with a great bunch of people and I love them all dearly (all except one that I shall refer to as Mrs B...and yes B does equal BITCH...LOL) More about her to follow another day...haha.

The gnome and gremlins are all well and we had a good holiday season....the grandparents spoiled both gremlins like crazy...which always makes for a fun time..lmao.

I am still working a few hrs a week in "hell" also. I look forward to the day when I can quit that job.....but that will have to wait until things are a little more stable at the dollar store.

The only sad news I have to report is that my old cat is getting ready to give up the ghost. Her health has taken a turn for the worse and I fear we will be going to visit a vet within the next week or 2 to have her put down. She is 19 and has lived a good long life.....but we shall all miss her greatly.

I have missed you all and plan to get back to posting regularly. Sorry I have been away so long. My love to you all and I will stop in to your blogs and say hi over the next few days.

As always, to be continued....................

A QUICK HELLO TO ALL

Hello to ev1

Just a quick hello to let anyone that stops in that I AM still alive and kicking.....

What a whirlwind couple of months it has been...I have been working like crazy, enjoying the new job and trying to get the darkness under control. The new job at the dollar store has been a blessing and has made SUCH a big difference in my mind set.

I have spent 2 months working with a great bunch of gals that make me giggle and laugh almost every single day I work...what a gift that has been!!! More importantly, I have made friends...that have managed to fight off the loneliness and allowed me to see the light on the other side of the tunnel.

It has been a long dark road...and it isn't a journey I have enjoyed...but I have learned some very important lessons and been reminded that I am loved...and God is listening to me, even if I don't get the answer I need right away everything DOES happen the way HE wants it to...

I will be back soon...off to work another long day...woooohooooooo

As always, to be continued...........