Sunday, October 21, 2007

SOS: THE END OF MAX

Hi all and welcome to another week of Soap Opera Sunday. Make sure ya stop by to see brillig and Kate for a list of other SOS players...and feel free to join in the fun...it really is a blast..for the entire max saga here is part 1, part 2, part 3, part 4

When we left off last week, I mentioned what a painful time in my life "Max" was...and that it was an important (and very hard) life lesson... my original plan was just to leave it at that and move on...because like every good soap opera, it was a time full of turmoil and angst . When I read back over it again, I thought maybe I should share what became of T and dear old Max. I went back and forth all week...should I let it rest or should I beat it (like a dead horse)?? I guess I was never one for just leaving things unresolved so here it goes....

Max and T stayed together for about a year or so (it is hard to remember exactly how long because it was more than 25 yrs ago and I am an old fart now..lol). They seemed to be very much in love although I never confirmed that with them directly because I knew the answer would be like a dagger slicing through my heart.

That year was a "ying and yang" of loneliness and anger...lonely because most of my time was spent with no one to talk to or spent time with ....all alone in my room...walking by the river all alone...going to the movies all alone(anyone seeing a pattern here??) When I wasn't alone, I was usually with Max and T which of course was even worse. They didn't TRY to be mean, but watching them together just made me feel even lonelier...even after I accepted their relationship, I was still so sad and lonely ALL the time.

I remember the day that I got a call from Pam. I was shocked because we hadn't really spoken since Max had dumped her for T. Pam wanted to know if I could come over to her house because she needed to talk to me but HAD to do it in person. I was so happy to have someone call and say they wanted to spend time with me I rushed over. It didn't take Pam long to get to the point.

She was outside her house waiting for me with 2 other girls that she KNEW I didn't like. Pam spilled her guts as quickly and harshly as possible. It seems the night before she had been at a party. T wasn't there because our parents hadn't allowed her to go for some reason and I hadn't been invited. Pam could not WAIT to tell me how Max had invited her to go with him since T couldn't go...and apparently they had spent the entire party making out. Pam went on to explain that Max was going to break up with T and start dating her again.

My mind was spinning and I left without even saying a word to Pam. In an instant, my protective "twin" mode kicked in and I knew I had to get to T...I had to warn her and let her know what Pam had told me......no matter how much she had hurt me, I had to protect her and try to stop Max from hurting her...

When I got home, Max had just dropped T off. As I approached her, I realized I had NO idea how I was going to tell her what Pam had told me. As I stood there trying to figure out how to drop the "Pam bomb", the phone rang and fate took the decision out of my hands. It was Pam on the phone. She had called to bury the knife in T's heart. Apparently, she didn't have the guts to tell her to her face although she had NO problem rubbing MY face in it.

T hung up and was in tears. I wanted to console her...to hold her and comfort her but she ran to her room and slammed her door. As angry as I had been when they got together, I was even madder at Max now. I wanted to rip him apart for hurting her so. Max called later but I don't know what he said to T to explain it away. I remember T saying that it was all going to be ok, that Pam was just lying. T seemed to be greatly relieved, but I wasn't so sure. Maybe it was because I had seen the determined, almost sinister look in Pam's eyes when she told me her story...I just wasn't convinced.

Things settled down and seemed to go smoothly for T and Max until about a week later. Max had been invited to go to a party at a friend's house and once again T wasn't allowed to attend (quick reminder that we were only about 15 at the time and our parents were pretty strict). T really wanted to see Max so she asked me to be her cover to get out of the house. We got permission to go to the movies together and of course made a beeline for the party instead.

I didn't want to go to the party...I knew no one would want me there but I had no where else to go. I tagged along thinking I would hide in a corner somewhere and drag T out when I couldn't take it anymore. No one seemed to notice us when we got there and T took off to surprise Max. She was only gone a few minutes, when I heard her yell out. As I made my way to where she was, she was crying and Max was on a couch trying to untangle himself from some chick that I didn't even know. The show was over by the time I got there but even I, being the nieve virgin I was, had a pretty good idea what had been going on.

T took off in tears and I followed her. I wanted to take her pain away but T closed herself off. She wouldn't talk about what happened and wouldn't let me comfort her. I found out in bits and pieces later on(from others) that Max had been 2-timing her for months and that night and the one with Pam were just two nights of a fairly long list .

So, as they say, that was that!! T broke up with Max and eventually moved on. Max being the slim ball he was moved on too...and on and on....

When I was living through all this, I was convinced that I would never feel that bad again...that nothing could hurt that much. Looking back now...I see that it was much more about losing T than NOT having Max. Twins all have to learn to go their own way....but I was forced to learn it at a time in my life where I was already fighting for survival...living in a home where abuse (verbal, physical and sexual) were a daily occurance. When T left me in the dust, it was so hard. I needed her and she wasn't there. When we were young, we survived by sticking together. Suddenly she was gone, but I was still there having to deal with it all.

With maturity , I was able to understand and accept this...but the truth is, I never completely forgave her...and our relationship was never the same. I always loved her...and I always will..but I never was able to trust her in the same way . We are not close now like we used to be... I miss her daily but can't allow myself to be hurt by her anymore...(don't worry the rift has nothing to do with the Max saga, but that is another post)

I am not sure if any of this makes sense ...but I thank you all for tuning in..y'all come back now ya hear...

And so ends the tale of Max....RIP ya big jerk....lol

As always, to be continued..................





15 comments:

Burfica said...

boys are stupid!!!

Brillig said...

I'm so glad you decided to write the rest of the story. I wish I could throw my arms around your 15-year-old self. Your home life sounds like absolute hell, through the quick references that you give it. I occasionally fought with friends in high school over boys, but I can't imagine losing a sister that way.

He sounds like a great big fat jerk and I'm glad that you and your sister were able to boot him from your lives.

Thalia's Child said...

Wow. He was an utter sleaze.


It sounds like you has a pretty tough childhood - I'm with Brillig. I wish I could comfort the 15 year old you.

Thanks for finishing up the story!

Fourier Analyst said...

Maybe this post will help your a5-year-old inner child to get some sort of closure. Isn't is amazing (and somewhat distressing) at how our lives are shaped by our teenage experiences, not always for the best!

Alekx said...

It's amazing at how utterly cruel teenagers are.

Hugs

Suzie said...

its good for you to get it out....soneone else already said it...he sounds like a real jerk

Canadian flake said...

burfica - if boys are stupid,what are men?? LOL


brillig - yeah he really was a jerk..lol.

thalia - thanks for the nice words...the 15 yr old me would have loved the hugs.

fourier - it is sad but true...our childhood affects us in so many ways...good and bad.

alekx - amen sista!!!

suzie - yeah Max was a loser..lol

Jerseygirl89 said...

Can I give Max a really good kick in the ass? And you a big hug? I would really like that.

captain corky said...

I know a Max who's a real doll and will never disappoint you. ;)

Goofball said...

What a jerk indeed! And so is Pam as a matter of fact.

I am sorry to hear that you got hurt by all these incidents and that it left a scar for ever. But the good thing is that we do learn from them as we grow older, although I wish life could sometimes be less painful.

Take care

Canadian flake said...

jersey - thanks, I could always use a good hug.

corky - no worries I know YOUR Max will never grow up to treat a girl this way...how could he with Kirk and Capt Corky as role models..lol.

goofball - that is so true isn't it..sometimes these childhood lessons just suck...even when they are important ones..

Hammer said...

Damn. you're right he was slimy.

Those early learning experiences are the most painful.

Dorky Dad said...

My God, I am soooo glad I'm not 15 anymore.

So glad. That is such a painful time.

jAMiE said...

i second Burficas comment!

Phoenix5 said...

"That which doesn't kill us, only makes us stronger." Certainly applies to our teen years, doesn't it? I remember watching boys and yes, girls too, do what Max did when I was in my teens. I never got involved in that stuff then... I was too afraid of how my dad would react if he heard that I was "making out" with a girl from school. I just dreamed about the girls from a distance... makes me wonder what was worse... never having "loved" or having "loved" and lost... Oh well. I'm glad you're YOU! Whatever happened to you in your past has molded you into the caring, sensitive person you are today, and that person is cherished by this Phoenix!