SOMETIMES LIFE SUCKS MORE THAN A LEMON

OK for those of you that are looking to giggle, ya might as well stop reading right now and go watch some old Three's Company reruns because today I just can't do it. I just can't even begin to bring to life the smartass in me (of course that is Fica's job anyway..LOL).

Maybe it is just me....but there are times I sit here and look out my window and just watch the world go by, wondering why everyone else always looks so normal while I sit here feeling like a dork. And today is definitely one of those times, as I have a serious case of the "firsts".

What are the firsts you wonder????

Well I might have mentioned before that my family relocated for the Gnome's work last summer...and since it hasn't been an entire year, I still get to have the "firsts" from time to time. I should mention that I didn't want to move here at all, that I left a mom behind that I love dearly, and moved to a small town with very few job opportunities and even fewer friendly people. It was the right decision for the Gnome but it has been really hard on myself and the gremlins trying to settle in and learn how to "belong" here. They are doing better at that, but they are young and you know how those pesky gremlins can adapt (as long as u don't feed them after midnight cause then they turn into dinosaurs remember?)

Anyway, back to the "firsts"... of course there was the first day of school for the gremlins....I think it was harder on me sending them both to separate schools where they didn't know a single soul, knowing I couldn't be there to protect them. Call it the momma bear in me, but that was a really longgggg and difficult day. Then of course, there was the 1st day of a new job which turned out to be the WORST job I have ever had. Still don't know how I got through that job without a stay in the nuthouse(let me tell you it WAS a close call). And of course, the first Christmas was difficult but a trip to the inlaws gave me something else to bitch about and I KNOW that is their job...lmaoooo.

Well today is another first...my first birthday here. I am an old lady so I don't need a lot of pomp and bullshit. That I do understand. But today just reminds me how lonely I am here. It is a very small town, so there aren't social things to do here, not that I know anyone to socialize with anyway. But it surely makes me feel lonely when I don't even have someone to wish me a happy birthday. My mom did call this morning, and as always it makes me smile to hear her voice. And as always, it makes me cry to have to hang up with her. Most days I smack myself upside the head and remind myself that is could ALWAYS be worse. But today is just not one of those days..

Sorry to be a gloomy gus...why do I hear lil Orphan Annie singing in the back ground "the Sun'll come outttttttt tomorrowwwwww...."

to be continued...........

weird work ....

Well here I sit, waiting for another fun filled night at work to begin. I have to say that working straight nights totally SUCKS for the most part but I keep hoping it will get better when I get used to it. I know I have mentioned a bit about my new job and I can honestly say that it has turned my world upside down. I spend my days at home all alone while the Gnome and gremlins are off at work/school doing whatever the hell it is they do... To try to stop from growing roots, I spend my days cooking and cleaning and of course badging on pogo..lol. I spend my nights listening to strangers on the phone babble on and on about weird things..almost makes me wish I was a telephone sex-operator cause then at least their stories might be interesting. Anyway, it is a living I guess and I imagine I will get used to everything being flip flopped. So the next time, some stranger calls and wants to ask you about your long distance service or how many eggs you had for dinner....please remember it could be your friendly flake on the phone and try to let the person down gently. I guess all the years of being yelled at and abused in the retail industry have finally paid off...now I get yelled at and abused but I can at least stick my tongue out at them while I am mentally telling them to go fuck a tree...lmaoooooooooo. And as I told my dear fica, it isn't all bad...I can go to work and I don't have to wear a bra...hee hee hee...

to be continued............

DUCK EV1..SOMETHING IS IN THE AIR

OK I have to admit that this has been one weird weekend...maybe because I have spent weeks waiting for it to come and now that it has come and gone I don't know how I survived without smothering the Gnome in his sleep. I take heart though....as I just chatted with my dear fica it doesn't sound like her Gigantor is making out any better. Maybe we should send the gnome and gigantor off to exile island (re: survivor for those of you that don't know what it is...LOL).

I think part of what has made the weekend seem so longggggg was the fact that Friday was a snow day so the gremlins were home and stuck inside for most of the last 3 days. Sometimes I miss the days when I could tell them to go outside and bury themselves in a big snow bank (secretly hoping that Frosty would come along and whisk them away to the North Pole for a visit with Santa). I find myself longing for those days then I remember how gosh darn special it was to have to help them into their snowsuits...cram their boots on...convince them that YES they have to wear hats and mitts... actually GET them mitts on...just to find out that the youngest gremlin has decided he has to pee. So of course I send gremlin #1 out to play while I get #2 undressed...send him off to pee..get him redressed...and by that point #1 has decided that it is too cold out so she wants to come back in and watch TV instead...so #2 is upset because he is too young to be out there all alone and #1 is being difficult and not co operating..lol. And I know any of you mothers out there are shaking your head because you know what I am talking about....LOL.

Well so starts another week tomorrow. Thank god the gremlins will be back to school and at this point I am ready to shove the gnome out the door and tell him to go sleep at work tonight...at least things would be peaceful here...lmao. Awwwww to be on a beach somewhere looking up at the stars, listening to the rippling water and hiding away from the world.....omg at this point I would settle for the snow melting...lol....

to be continued....

SOMEONE SHOOT THAT GROUNDHOG PLEASE!!

OKKKKKKKK we Canadians officially call uncle already. Ever since that stupid flippin groundhog said it would be an early spring, Mother nature has dumped nothing but sh*t on us and I am more than ready to wave the white flag(actually I tried to but the flag wasn't visible in all this snow). And of course fica( the smartass of the free world) is helping her out by sending us a winter storm express post....thoughtful eh??? lmaoooooo....

Anyway, because of all this white crap and freezing rain the school buses were cancelled today, thus the gremlins get a 3 day weekend to drive me insane(which of course is what they do best anyway). I was a nice warden though and gave each of them some computer time this morning, which stopped them from trying to eat me alive. That damn gnome should be here to share in the fun. He said he was sick and didn't feel like going to work UNTIL I mentioned that the gremlins were staying home and then he flewwwwwwww out the door so fast I think he might not have landed til he got to work..lmao.

Well today marks the end of the 1st week at my new job. I am really enjoying it so far,but it just goes to show no matter what kind of work you do, if other people are involved life never gets boring...

Case in point...a quick description of my new job is that I have to call strangers (but no worries I am NOT a telemarketer and not selling anything)... I called a man last night and as soon as I said hello he started screaming calling me a stupid b*tch and threatening to sue me. Of course, I stayed calm but man oh man did I ever wish I could just ask him WTF his problem was. He went on to say that by calling him, I was harrassing him and he WAS going to involve the FBI. I told him sorry and have a good night and hung up. And of course, all I could think of at that point was all the things I wanted to say....like ohhhhh yeahhhhh buddy I FORCED you to even answer the phone....or yeahhhhhh buddy the FBI is gonna stop running after murders, rapists and druggies to come hunt my ass down because I called you and had the nerve to say hello???
Maybe I should have told him to go ahead and call Dog the Bounty Hunter to come get me cause I would loveeeeee to meet him and Beth and of course that Dwayne Lee and Leland are both hotties...lmaooooo.
And of course, Dog would be safe here with me....because unlike those f*ckin idiot losers in Mexico, Canada doesn't wanna lock up a man for hunting down a sexual preditor and putting his punk ass in jail where he belongs...so whatever Mexico...Dog come on up here and we will hide ya out in the woods...hee hee hee.....

Anyway happy Friday to all

to be continued..............