Wednesday, September 5, 2007

*** warning...the following post does not come with a guarantee that it won't be a most likely will be warned......proceed with caution.***

Well we all managed to survive the first day of school, despite the bus not showing up in the morning for gremlin #2 and BOTH gremlins coming home day one with homework....

I would like to say that it wasn't as bad as I thought it was going to be...but honestly it was...

I have spent the last 24 hours trying to figure out what it is that has my stomach in one big knot and trying to convince myself that I am over-reacting but I am not...and I know I am not.

Part of the problem is simple loneliness...I live in a very small town where no one knows one WANTS to know me and no one cares if I live or die (other than the gnome and gremlins of course). I work out of my home so I have no human contact and quite simply I got used to having the gremlins home with me this summer. I bitch and complain about them on a daily basis...but now that they are gone, I am lost. This will pass with time I know...but that doesn't make these initial days any easier.

The more pressing issue right now is dealing with the school system again. I would rant and rave for a week about our local school system so I will TRY to control is enough to say I HATE the schools here.

I have mentioned before that both of the gremlins have a learning disability. Gremlin#1 has ADD and gremlin #2 has severe ADHD. The school system here is failing them miserably and they honestly don't seem to give a fuck. This stupid attitude they have of "leaving no kid behind at the kids expense" is TOTAL bullshit. Gremlin#1 just started Grade 10 yesterday and has her arch nemesis MATH this semester. I approached the school worried that maybe it would be better for her to repeat Grade 9 math. She got a 53 in math last year and that was only because the teacher gave her extra credit work (take home that I could help with) to get her credit. She doesn't have a firm grasp on the material and the school's position is that they don't care as long as she gets the credit for the course...which I think is total bullshit!!! Then the fuckers tell us they have decided not to offer French this year...of course the ONLY course at school she likes...and can't get it anymore.(remember I am Canadian and until a few yrs ago French was manditory..thank you fuckhead gov't!!)

Then there is gremlin#2. He is in grade 8 this year and it is REALLY bugging me. Unfortunately, his ADHD is pretty severe and every year is a struggle. The school would rather sweep him under the rug and push him through so he is someone else's problem. No one seems to think it matters that he still reads at a third grade reading level...and that is mostly due to me and the gnome. In the eight years he has been in school, he has had 2 teachers that gave a rats ass about him learning something. The teacher he had last year was awesome and I hated to see her go... lets hope the new one this year works out to be the same way (although I somehow doubt it).

I get it..I know they are overworked and have a lot of kids to deal with...but I really don't give a flying fuck at this point. It is my job to worry about MY kids...and I am so sick and tired of having to always fight and claw for every little bit of help for them.

Believe me I KNOW it could be worse....they aren't dying from some terrible disease...they are both healthy and alive...the rest is gravy...logically those thoughts are of course in my mind and heart.

But today I am beaten and discouraged...I have dealt for 11 years with a school system that has repeatedly fucked us over...shown us time and time again that they DO NOT CARE if my children have basic skills when they leave school...and that is just not good enough!! I am the Momma is my job to protect them and not let anyone hurt them.....and when push comes to shove I have failed them...

My fears are that in the end, I won't triumph over the "all mighty school system"...that my beautiful wonderful(and PITA) gremlins will finish school and not be able to take care of themselves...and it will be my fault...I will have let them down!!

The saddest thing is not having hope for them...I love them so much and want all this world has to offer for every parent. But my thoughts are filled with fear...who will take care of them when they "graduate" and can't even find a job ...I will give my life for those gremlins...but the sad truth is I won't live forever...and I want better for them than what I have managed to give them.

Like every boxer...I will continue to get back up and start swinging again....if there is one thing this all has taught me is to NEVER be afraid to be a bitch at school for your kids....if they don't like me, who cares!! I won't stop fighting for them...I never have and I never will..until I give my last breath on this earth. I will keep swinging and heaven help them...l won't go down without a fight.

Thanks for reading my rant....we now return to your regularly scheduled programming.

As always, to be continued............

p.s. It should show how upset I am...I didn't even watch BB last night( I taped it.lmao).


Hammer said...

My son has it too. the medication helps some, but it it wasn't for the special services the school provides he would be having a really tough time.

I'm not sure if you have the same kind of system we have but we were able to get him protected as learning disabled so school has to provide extra help with tests and let him do certain activities in a quiet area with less distractions.

Good luck, it's a tough road.

Biddie said...

I get so frustrated with the school system, too. My Kayla has learning disabilities, and getting her any help has been an uphill battle.
When she was in grade school (she is in gr 11)it was nearly impossible. There is a girl at the gr school that was born with half of a functioning brain..She can not speak, walk, communicate in anyway. The school pays for a taxi to pick this little girl up everyday and take her home, b/c it is her RIGHT to go to school. Ok, fine. But this is what gets me. This little girl will never get a job, be independant in anyway, and she is loud and disruptive. She needed her own room BUILT onto the school...Well, as you can imagine, that ate up all of the special ed budget for years...
I am not saying that this kid should be warehoused, but come on...The kids that really need the help are suffering...I was told that the school didn't have the funds to hire a helper for the special ed kids,or buy the work books needed b/c the $$ was taken up on the refurbishing....Just doesn't make sense to me.
I am going to get flak for this I know..and it was your rant, but I DO understand.
I am alone all day, too. I miss the kids like crazy, even though they make me nuts...I like having the company. I don't live in a small town, but I don't really know anyone in my area..It does get lonely.
I hope that tomorrow is a better day....
P.S. My friend in Nova Scotia had her 6 yr old starting gr one today. The school put her on the wrong bus at the end of the day. The poor kid was dropped off at the wrong stop and then had wait 45 minutes at the school office after they figured out the mistake...And I thought MY day was bad.

BBC said...

Aside from what Hammer said, I think the school systems in this country are becoming bullshit.

But this whole American society is becoming bullshit and that is why so many kids are screwed up these days.

Kids aren't geared to take life this fast and there are so many distractions so they don't keep their minds on learning what they really need to.

They just want to watch TV, play computer games and things like that.

I'm glad I grew up without a TV.

melodyann said...

Girl, you are awesome. Don't you EVER feel like you are failing your kids. Hell, you are their CHAMPION!! I am in awe of you. And I have to say, I agree with biddie. The school systems spends so much time, effort, and money on making sure they are being politically correct, there is nothing left over for the kids that the extra help would actually HELP.

You keep your head up high and your fists clenched, my friend. I daresay you are a force to be reckoned with.

Send me an email any time you get lonely. I'll tell you dirty jokes and say "fuck" alot and make you laugh.

Phoenix5 said...

I'm with the others who have posted ahead of me. You are in NO WAY guilty of failing your gremlins! My youngest daughter has struggled in school since day one. Since I, myself, have a very mild case of Dyslexia, we approached her teachers every year asking that she be tested. They refused every time. Finally, we had her tested at our own expense and she was professionally diagnosed with an "Aural Processing Disability". What that means is, she doesn't hear words the same as the rest of us do, and can't process the complex consonants and compound consonants. We took that information to her teachers and were met with shrugs. They wouldn't lift a finger to help her. Last year, we sent her to a retired teacher who does private tutoring, again at our own expense (and it's NOT tax deductible either!!! GRRRR!) and it made a huge difference in her abilities. Now that I'm unemployed, I'm not sure we can afford the tutor this year. So, thanks to government indifference to the lives of the people who elected them, my daughter will once again struggle to make a passing grade. Something she does NOT need entering middle school with it's new rotating class system and multiple teachers.

The Ontario education system has had it's heart ripped out by the constant fighting between the government and the teacher's union, so now the teachers are defeated, shallow, uncaring, robotic idiots who don't give a flying f*** about whether or not our kids succeed. If I had the patience, skill and time, I would teach her at home. But, I don't have either the skill or the patience. Besides, the government takes a huge chuck of my income to pay for education, so until that is changed, I will send my kids to school, and fight their teachers to try to force them to do the job they were hired to do. Unless you are a "born teacher", you can do no more than that.

You have really touched a nerve here, my friend. Know that we agree and empathize with you. Sorry to rant on your page!

jAMiE said...

A very big hug for you Flake... i hope you catch up with sure to watch on Thursday, should be a good one!

Palm Springs Savant said...

yikes. you are entitiled to rant over it. And its just the first week!

captain corky said...

Along with all the joys I have as a new parent I've got a shit load of new fears too. It's crazy stuff Flake. I hope you feel better soon. And just remember if you get bored or lonely you know where I am. ;)

Alekx said...

I wish I could say something that would be helpful.
I guess trying to find a lawyer to do a HUGE class action law suit against the schools is out of the question???

Keep fighting, and get as mean as you have to be.

Good luck girlie

MomThatsNuts said...

I wish I could be helpful also. Lucky for me, Arizona is an open enrollment state. I hate the school district we live in, so I drive them to one I like. Its not great either, but at least I feel like I can deal with them....sorry honey! Sometimes the mama bear has a stomach ache for a long super sucks


Dorky Dad said...

Stupid school systems. Whenever kids act a bit outside the norm they have absolutely no idea what to do. Or many schools, anyway, would rather not do something different to help them along.

Sorry that you're going through with this ...

Burfica said...

OMG I'm so sorry i wasn't here this week for you to vent at hun. I was trying not to die. lol

You go get em. I'm gonna be e-mailing a couple teachers this weekend myself.

Last week the social studies teacher told my husband that Kiddo was doing really well in her class. I got a progress report in the mail today that says he has a D. WTF:??? if he's doing so well, why is he almost failing???

Canadian flake said...

hammer - nice to know I am not the only one. He has some accomodations now but will lose most of that next year in high school...which scares me. Can't help but worry.

biddie - doesn't that totally suck eh? As far as the wrong bus thing, same thing happened to gremlin #2 last yr on 1st day on bus. I called the school and freaked on them...dumbass secretary said "don't worry he'll turn up eventually"...well I had a LOT to say to her about

bbc - tv is what stops me from killing him most days...sad but true!!

melodyann- thanks for the kind words...I will take you up on the dirty jokes soon..lmao.

phoenix - lets storm parliament hill and take over eh??? lol ..ya with me?? LOL.

jamie - thanks for the hugs...back at ya mdf.

PSS - where is Dr Wang when I need him eh? LOL.

corky - at least when Max gets to school age you can cry on my shoulder and I can tell you "been there...done that..."

alekx - I believe the gov't here made it impossible to sue the school board unless you can prove your kid is being sexually abused or something on that scale..prolly because they are doing such a crappy job ev1 would

mom- I agree it sucks

dorky - thanks for the kind words.

fica - lets blow all the schools up..yes??? LOL.