Sunday, July 8, 2007


Happy Sunday all...

I hadn't posted earlier because honestly I wasn't sure what to post about. Things are slow paced today and we are all being lazy here. It is rainy and crappy outside but at least it isn't

I was just over reading a wonderful blog that I recommend you all check is the twas brillig link on my list of favourites. She is a very talented writer I think and I am glad I stumbled across her blog.

Anyway, as is so often the case, I was reading her post and it got me reminising about my past and I was reminded of one of the most important life lessons I have ever learned. That lesson is quite simply to ALWAYS listen to your inner voice....even when it makes absolutely NO sense and everyone else tries to convince you that you need stronger meds...don't let them convince you to go against your gut.

There are 2 events in my life that stick out as reminders of this lesson to me. The first one I mentioned in brillig's post. As I have mentioned before, I am an incest survivor. When I was in highschool, the only thing that kept me sane was music. I lived for that class and joined every band or choir I came across. It was my passion and my escape from the hell I lived in. Anway, in grade 11 events in my school exposed me to a new music teacher(lets call him Mr S). Anyway, everyone took to Mr S right away. Like me, he was a trumpet player and was an alumnus of the University I dreamed of attending. He offered to help me and sorta seemed to want to take me under his wing. This would have been a dream come true, but for some reason this man made me uneasy. I don't know why, I couldn't put my finger on it ...there was just something "off" about him. At first, I tried to convince myself that it was my jaded outlook on men that caused these feelings, but they persisted. I felt that I needed to keep my distance and went out of my way to NOT be alone with this man. I only mentioned these feelings to one friend, and she thought I was just being a nutcase so I shut up after that and stayed away from him.
A few years later, Mr S was suspended for an "inappropriate" relationship with a young student. Both parties denied any wrong doing until it was discovered she was pregnant, then she folded like a house of cards. I knew he wasn't attracted to me (as there isn't much to be attracted but I am still glad I listened to my feelings about him.

Fast forward a few years.......I managed to actually get into the school I wanted to attend. This was my dream come true but I couldn't enjoy it due to all the mental baggage I had carried along with me...but that is another story.

In my second year of classes, I had a specialized singing class I had to take. I will NEVER forget walking in the first day and seeing the teacher (we will call him Mr X). The second I saw him, I had a bad feeling in my stomach. Again I had NO idea why, but I knew that Mr X was to be feared and I couldn't trust him. As classes progressed, we had to have private sessions with him . This idea TERRIFIED me.....I just couldn't do it. I knew I was being irrational but I couldn't go. I got a doc's note the 1st time and completely bailed the 2nd time. I was so afraid of him, I was willing to fail rather than be alone with him. I did somehow manage to pass the class and was so glad to be away from him.
A few years later, his face was splashed all over the news. He had been the director of a children's choir for many years...he had built it from nothing and they received worldwide recognition. What no one knew was that he had been taking the kids to a summer camp to "train" them for years...and while he had them there he had been molesting some of them. This wasn't discovered until one of his victims ,that had grown to adulthood, killed himself. He left a suicide note and journals detailing what this predator had done to him in his childhood. After this, more victims of this sicko surfaced and thank god he was arrested.

There have been many events in my life that have taught me that we DO have an inner voice for a reason...whether it is to tell us not to walk home at night in the dark....or not to trust someone we just met...etc. The 2 cases I have mentioned may be extreme but I have learned God gave me instincts for a reason, and I listen to them as much as possible. I maybe have missed out on an opportunity or 2 in my life, but I have also been saved heartache and danger on more than one occasion. Just food for thought........

As always, to be continued..........


Brillig said...

Wow. You've got a very in-tune gut, thank goodness. I hope you always, always listen to that! My gut feeling has to pretty much knock me over the head with a hammer to get me to pay any attention---I'm a bit thick-skulled, I guess. Incredible stories, CF.

Phoenix5 said...

Wow, that's all I can say!

I also wanted to apologize for not commenting on your posts this past week. Blogger decided to forget I existed and wouldn't let me sign in to post or comment. I did visit your blog a few times during the week, so you were in my thoughts, I just couldn't let you know.

By the way, I've finished your tag...

Burfica said...

yup yup yup, always listen to those instincts or gut feelings.

I one time called my aunt in tears, because I had a bad dream that my cousin was going to get raped and murdered that afternoon if she went with the babysitter.

Come to find out Ted Bundy passed through our town on his run of terror.

Glad I made her promise me.

captain corky said...

Thanks for sharring! There are some real sick bastards out there! It's a shame.

On a lighter note, I try to listen to my gut as often as possible. Too bad I can never seem to tell it No when it's telling me to eat. ;)

Hammer said...

It's good you have this perception. I've got it too and have avoided people because of it.

Of course no one would ever listen to me either.