DARKNESS IN THE AIR TODAY

Today is a dark and gloomy day here...and I feel the need to vent.

I don't expect that anyone reads this blog anymore...and I have meant to delete it on more than one occasion...but I still haven't done it.

I guess maybe it is good to have a place to come to write the words that are jumbling around in my head...because some days they need a voice and today is definitely one of those days.

Sometimes I want to scream at the gnome...and tell him that I have had enough and I am finished fighting...that I am tired of treading water and that I just wanna give up and just let it all go and float away.

On days like today, I find myself longing to be normal even though I don't really know that "normal" is...but I am tired of being sad and lonely...tired of wanting to be happy and yet not able to find a way to make myself actually BE happy.

I am so tired of going to work and pretending that everything is okay when it really isn't....wishing for a day off then when I get one I spend it all alone feeling like I am a loser and a worthless person.

When I look back...my past is full of regrets and mistakes...I feel like I messed up everything and made so many bad choices that I can't have a good future...and today is one of those days that make me think maybe it isn't worth trying...

Anyway I am gonna get away from this computer for a bit and try to get my mind off it...will come back again and vent some more...or not...LOL

As always, now and again,to be continued.............